New Year, New Season (a “missing” post for multiple Saturdays) March 21, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in "Impossible" People, 19-Day Fast, Art, Baha'i, Changing Perspectives, Faith, New Year, Religion.Tags: "Impossible" People, Abolqasem Ferdowsi, Abul-Qâsem Ferdowsi Tusione, Aimee Lehto, Boyd Croyner, Calendars, Dick Davis, Joseph Priestley, Michaelangelo, Muhammad Ali, Nature Journal, Roccamonfino, Spring, Swami Jnaneshvara, Yoga Sutra
add a comment
“Nowruz Mubarak!” Happy New Year to those who are celebrating and Happy Spring to those in the Northern Hemisphere.
[This post is related to three Saturdays, March 6th; March 13th; and March 20th. You can request an audio recording of any of the practices via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.]
“At a time of another crisis, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá offered these words of counsel: ‘In a day such as this, when the tempests of trials and tribulations have encompassed the world, and fear and trembling have agitated the planet, ye must rise above the horizon of firmness and steadfastness with illumined faces and radiant brows in such wise that, God willing, the gloom of fear and consternation may be entirely obliterated, and the light of assurance may dawn above the manifest horizon and shine resplendently.’ The world stands more and more in need of the hope and the strength of spirit that faith imparts. Beloved friends, you have of course long been occupied with the work of nurturing within groups of souls precisely the attributes that are required at this time: unity and fellow feeling, knowledge and understanding, a spirit of collective worship and common endeavour. Indeed, we have been struck by how efforts to reinforce these attributes have made communities especially resilient, even when faced with conditions that have necessarily limited their activities. Though having to adapt to new circumstances, the believers have used creative means to strengthen bonds of friendship, and to foster among themselves and those known to them spiritual consciousness and qualities of tranquillity, confidence, and reliance on God.”
– quoted from a rare “New Year” message from the Universal House of Justice “To the Bahá’is of the World,” dated Naw-Ruz 177 (March 20, 2020, in reference to COVID-19 recommendations)
Today, Saturday, March 20th, was the Vernal (or Spring) Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere – which coincides with Nowruz, also known as the Persian New Year or Iranian New Year, which is also the Zoroastrian and the Bahá’i New Year. Nowruz is a compound of two Persian words and literally means “new day.” As this is a new beginning for so many around the world, it feels like an auspicious time to start catching back up on my blog posts!
The date of this New Year (and of the Vernal Equinox) is established every year through the astronomical observations that result in the Solar Hijri (Persian) calendar, which is the oldest and most accurate solar calendar. Technically, the Bahá’i New Year started at sunset on Friday evening; but it is also a moveable based on the change in seasons.
In “the Most Holy Book” of the Bahá’i faith, the Kitáb-i-Agdas, the prophet Bahá’u’lláh explained that the equinox was a “Manifestation of God” and, therefore, would mark the new day/year. He also indicated that the actual date would be based on a “standard” place chosen by the Universal House of Justice (the nine-member ruling body of the worldwide community) in Haifa, Israel. In 2014 (which was year 171 in their community), the Universal House of Justice chose Tehran as the special place in the world that would serve as the observational standard. This is year 178.
People within the Bahá’i community spend the last month of the year preparing for the New Year by observing the 19-Day Fast. Throughout various parts of Asia, the Caucasus, the Black Sea Basin, and the Balkans people from a variety of faiths have traditions which sometimes include a month’s worth of (preparatory) celebrations. These celebrations include “spoon-banging” and costumed visitors in a practice similar to Halloween’s trick-or-treaters; rituals related to light; a celebration of the elements; a celebration of ancestors; and stories about how light (literally and symbolically) overcomes darkness.
“But his splendid son, Jamshid, his heart filled with his father’s precepts, then prepared to reign. He sat on his father’s throne, wearing a golden crown according to the royal custom. The imperial [divine glory] was his. The world submitted to him; quarrels were laid to rest, and all demons, birds and fairies obeyed Jamshid’s commands. The royal throne shone with luster, and the wealth of the world increased. He said, ‘God’s glory is with me; I am both prince and priest. I hold evildoers back from their evil, and I guide souls towards the light.’”
– quoted from “The First Kings” in Shanameh – The Persian Book of Kings by Abolqasem Ferdowsi (translated by Dick Davis)
One such story appears in the Shāhnāma (“The Book of Kings”), an epic Persian poem written by Abul-Qâsem Ferdowsi Tusione around the 10th and 11th centuries and one of the world’s longest poems attributed to a single author. According to the legend, there was a time when the world was plunged into darkness and a deadly winter that caused most people to lose hope. However, the mythical King Jamshid, who spent over 100 years building a great kingdom, saved the world and restored hope by building a throne out of gems and precious metals. He then sat on the throne and had “demons” lift him up to catch the dying light so that he became as bright as the sun. More gems were gathered around him and he became even brighter. This became the “New Day.”
I often mention that every day, every inhale, and every exhale is the beginning of a New Year. We don’t often think of it that way, and we certainly don’t (as a whole) view and celebrate life that way. But, the bottom line is that every moment of our lives is a “liminal” moment: a transitional or threshold moment that serves as a doorway between times. We mark notice we have more daylight, more sunshine, and we call it “Spring!” But, in some ways, this moment is arbitrary because we have been getting more daylight since the Winter Solstice.
Sometimes, when the winter is really cold and really dark (or we’ve been cooped-up inside too much) we pay attention to the little incremental differences between one day and the next. We notice the lengthening shadows and the extra seconds. Most times, however, we don’t start noticing the changes until we are told to notice the changes. Even then, however, what we notice is the end result – the culmination of all the little changes; not the transitions themselves. In the Yoga Sūtras, Patanjali instructs us to pay attention to the transitions.
“The transition from one year to the next year happens in an infinitely short moment that is actually non-existent in time. So too, there are transitions in the moments of life and the moments of meditation. Mindfulness of transitions in daily life and during meditation time is extremely useful on the spiritual journey to enlightenment.”
– quoted from the commentary on “Yoga Sutras 3.9-3.16: Witnessing Subtle Transitions With Samyama” by Swami Jnaneshvara Bharati (“Swami J”)
When detailing how the practice of “concentration” “progresses,” Patanjali explores the final three limbs of the Yoga Philosophy (dhāranā, dhyāna, and samādhi) and refers to them collectively as samyama. Once he explains how each one flows from the previous ones (all stemming from the earlier practices of prāņāyāma and pratyāhāra) – and cautions against efforts to skip the stages of progression – he delineates the difference between external and internal experiences. We often think of these as being very obviously related to things that are happening outside of the body and/or separate from us versus things happening inside the body and/or directly related to us. We may even break things down as things we can touch/hold versus things that are not tangible.
Obvious, right? But what happens when we “Get Inside” (as we did on Saturday, March 6th)?
Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni, the artist, was born March 6, 1475, in Caprese (then the Republic of Florence and now Tuscany, Italy). Known for works like David, the Pietá, and some of the most well-known frescoes in the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo was known as Il Divino (“The Divine One”) by his contemporaries, because he had the ability to bring inanimate objects to life and to create terribilitá (a sense of awesomeness or emotional intensity). He said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.” He also said, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”
In the practice of Yoga, we use the first four limbs of the philosophy the way Michelangelo used his carving and painting tools: to bring what is inside out, to set our inner angel free. Or, as I mentioned on the 6th, we can use it to set our inner GOAT free.
“‘He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.’”
– quoted from the Ebony Magazine article, “Muhammad Ali: ‘Don’t Count Me Out’ – Despite his medical problems, ‘The Greatest’ says there is plenty of fight left in his body” by Walter Leavy (published March 1985)
In 1964, it was announced to the world that the boxer we now know as The Greatest of All Times would no longer go by his birth name or “slave name” – which was also his father’s name. The heavy-weight champion’s grandfather had named his son (Cassius Marcellus Clay, Sr.,) after a 19th-century abolitionist politician in Kentucky (Cassius Marcellus Clay) who, by some accounts, strong-armed President Abraham Lincoln to emancipate Confederate slaves and freed some of his own slaves in 1844, but still kept some slaves on hand. Muhammad Ali wanted to distance himself from that legacy of slavery and forge his own path; so, he chose a name that reflected his faith and his skills: Muhammad Ali.
The name change wasn’t even close to instantaneous. In fact, with the major exception of Howard Cosell, who coincidentally had changed his own last name back to his family’s original Polish surname, most journalists and media outlets continued to refer to the prizefighter as “Cassius Clay” for over a decade. And it wasn’t just a matter of people getting use to the new name. Because he refused to answer to his birth name, journalist would address him as Muhammad Ali in-person, but then write about “Cassius Clay.” By their own account, The New York Times wrote about over 1,000 articles about “Cassius Clay” from 1964 to 1968, but only referenced “Muhammad Ali” in about 150. This practice continued well into the 1970’s! But the practice wasn’t even consistent; the media seemed to have no problem referencing “Malcolm X” – even though, at the time, he was still legally “Malcolm Little.”
Muhammad means “One who is worthy of praise” and Ali means “Most high.” The names, as he clearly stated, were symbolic in nature – as all names are. By changing his name, Muhammad Ali honored his outside (i.e., the color of his skin) while also placing emphasis on the inside (i.e., his talent and his beliefs). He also gave the world tools to focus on the inside and to become more intimate. Sadly, some folks kept themselves stuck on the outside.
Yoga Sūtra 3.7: trayam antarangam pūrvebhyah
– “These three practices of concentration (dhāranā), meditation (dhyāna), and samādhi are more intimate or internal than the previous five practices.”
Patanjali devotes a series of “threads” to the distinctions between internal/intimate and external in order to illustrate that perspective can make something that feels internal feel “external” simply because there is something more “internal.” One great example of this can be illustrated by comparing different types of physical practices of yoga. For instances: A vinyāsa practice (because it is a moving practice) is more “yang” or active than a YIN Yoga practice (in which part of the practice is not moving for what can feel like an incredibly long amount of time). On the flip side, the Primary Series of Ashtanga Yoga can be significantly more “yang” or active than a “Slow Flow” and a Restorative Yoga practice can be significantly more “yin” than a YIN yoga practice.
By the same token, focusing on the breath and the awareness of the breath begins to feel more internal than just moving the body without breath awareness, but the former begins to feel more external when you can concentrate without actively thinking about the fact that you are concentrating on your breath (or anything else). In other words, the object of focus is the “seed” – something tangible and understandable, with a reference point. Then, there is a point in the practice when the focus becomes “seedless” – at which point being “Deeper Inside Makes That ‘Outside’” (which was our thread on Saturday, March 13th).
Yoga Sūtra 3.8: tad api bahir-angam nirbījasya
– “These three practices are external, and not intimate compared to nirbija samadhi, which is samadhi that has no object, nor even a seed object on which there is concentration.”
In our physical practice, more often than not, we use the breath as our primary “seed.” At first we may simultaneously engage it on multiple levels. After all, we can feel it, we can direct it, and (under the proper conditions) we can see it. Eventually, however, we become absorbed in the experience of breathing and being alive – which is obviously a different experience than actively working with the breath, but it is also a different experience than breathing and living without being aware of the breath. I often think about the breathing (and awareness of breath) of someone like Joseph Priestley, just as I think about the breathing (and awareness of breath) of those three people who left footprints on the side of a mountain in Italy over 350,000 years ago.
On March 13, 2003, Nature Journal published the work of three paleontologists who had identified fossilized footprints (and handprints) as belonging to three homo-genus individuals fleeing the then-actively erupting Roccamonfino volcano. Through those external impressions (embedded deep in the earth), we get an intimate glimpse into a brief moment of their lives. We know two fled the volcano together, one assisting the other. We know about their pace and trajectory, based on the zigzag patterns and the places where it appears one or more supported themselves with their hands. We can use their steps as tools and then, based on our own experiences, move deeper from there.
Joseph Priestley, born March 13, 1733 (according to the Julian calendar) was an 18th-century English theologian, clergyman, natural philosopher, chemist, educator, liberal political theorist, and a member of the Lunar Circle (also known as the Lunar Society). He is credited with discovering oxygen in its isolated gaseous state (which he considered “dephlogisticated air”). He also inventing soda water – which, he believed, could cure scurvy and which he called “impregnated water.” He also believed science was integral to theology and, therefore, all of his scientific work was a reflection of his liturgical work, and vice versa.
Even though much of what Joseph Priestley believed, scientifically speaking, has been superseded by advancements in technology and science, his work is one of the steps that brought us closer to the knowledge we have now. Think of his phlogiston theories as “seeds” at the beginning of the process. Now, consider, how – having moved beyond that point of understanding – we start anew… and go deeper. (As we did today, March 20th.)
“Could we have entered into the mind of Sir Isaac Newton and have traced all the steps by which he produced his great works, we might see nothing very extraordinary in the process.”
– Joseph Priestley
This week’s “threads” can be a little hard to take in just from the sūtras themselves. However, the point is to experience them and, once we have experienced them (in context) we realize they are easier to understand. There are some really great analogies related to movement and transition – which is the whole point of these threads – but the one that came to mind today takes us back to the boat analogy.
Take a moment to imagine your breath as a wave, with you floating on your back or floating in a boat. It doesn’t matter if you are lazily enjoying some time off or in a rush to go somewhere. Either way, there are times when you will have to make an adjustment – a course correction, if you will. Sometimes, you have to make big adjustments in order to stay focused; other times, little adjustments. Every now and again, however, there is a moment where you don’t need to make any adjustments or modifications. You don’t have to peddle to stay afloat and you don’t have to steer yourself in the right direction. You are one with the waves, going with the flow and “in the zone.” This is the next level of the Yoga experience.
Yoga Sūtra 3.9: vyutthāna-nirodhah-samskāra abhibhava-prādurbhāvau nirodhah-kşaņa-chitta-anvayah nirodhah-pariņāmah
– “When the vision of the lower Samadhi is suppressed by an act of conscious control, so that there are no longer any thoughts or visions in the mind, that is the achievement of control of the thought-waves of the mind.”
Yoga Sūtra 3.10: tasya praśānta-vāhitā samskārāt
– “When this suppression of thought waves becomes continuous, the mind’s flow is calm.”
The playlist for Saturday, March 6th (the “Getting Inside or ‘What Is Inside, IV’” practice) is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “09132020 What Is Inside, II”]
The playlist for Saturday, March 13th (the “Deeper Inside Makes That ‘Outside’” practice) is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “10202020 Pratyahara”]
The playlist for Saturday, March 20th (the “New Year, New Season” class) is available on YouTube and Spotify.
“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary.
Impossible is nothing.”
– quoted from a 2004 Adidas ad campaign written by Aimee Lehto (with final tag line credited to Boyd Croyner), often attributed to Muhammad Ali
### RIDE THESE WAVES ###
New Year, New Season (just the music) March 20, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Please join me for a 90-minute virtual yoga practice on Zoom today (Saturday, March 20th) at 12:00 PM. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below.
Saturday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, playlists, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). If you don’t mind me knowing your donation amount you can also donate to me directly. Donations to Common Ground are tax deductible; class purchases and donations directly to me are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🎶 ###
A Good Time for “Craic” March 17, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Yes, yes, you read that correctly – if you understood that it’s a good time for “a good time!” You can read more about my Saint Patrick’s Day practice here.
Please join me today (Wednesday, March 17th) at 4:30 PM or 7:15 PM for a yoga practice on Zoom. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. You will need to register for the 7:15 PM class if you have not already done so. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below or by emailing myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
Wednesday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, playlists, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). If youplaylists don’t mind me knowing your donation amount you can also donate to me directly. Donations to Common Ground are tax deductible; class purchases and donations directly to me are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🍀🍀🍀 ###
How We Spend (or Spent) A Year (just the music) March 16, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Please join me today (Tuesday, March 16th) at 12 Noon or 7:15 PM for a virtual yoga practice on Zoom. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below.
Tuesday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “Sukkot 3”]
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🎶 ###
3.14159 For the Movers & Shakers, relatively speaking (just the music) March 14, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Please join me for a 65-minute virtual yoga practice on Zoom today (Sunday, March 14th) at 2:30 PM. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below.
Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). If you don’t mind me knowing your donation amount you can also donate to me directly. Donations to Common Ground are tax deductible; class purchases and donations directly to me are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🎶 ###
Deeper Inside Makes That “Outside” (just the music, UPDATED with post link) March 13, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Please join me for a 90-minute virtual yoga practice on Zoom today (Saturday, March 13th) at 12:00 PM. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below.
Saturday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “10202020 Pratyahara”]
Click here for the blog post related to this practice.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). If you don’t mind me knowing your donation amount you can also donate to me directly. Donations to Common Ground are tax deductible; class purchases and donations directly to me are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🎶 ###
Songs for the DJ’s Adventure (just the music, UPDATED with post link) March 10, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Please join me today (Wednesday, March 10th) at 4:30 PM or 7:15 PM for a yoga practice on Zoom. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. You will need to register for the 7:15 PM class if you have not already done so. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below or by emailing myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
Wednesday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
Click here for the blog post related to this practice.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, playlists, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). If youplaylists don’t mind me knowing your donation amount you can also donate to me directly. Donations to Common Ground are tax deductible; class purchases and donations directly to me are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🎶 ###
Remembering A Shorter Walk With Thee (just the music) March 9, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Please join me today (Tuesday, March 9th) at 12 Noon or 7:15 PM for a virtual yoga practice on Zoom. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below.
Tuesday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🎶 ###
Remembering a Too Short & Too Bloody Walk (just the music) March 7, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
Please join me for a 65-minute virtual yoga practice on Zoom today (Sunday, March 7th) at 2:30 PM. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. Give yourself extra time to log in if you have not upgraded to Zoom 5.0. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below.
Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). If you don’t mind me knowing your donation amount you can also donate to me directly. Donations to Common Ground are tax deductible; class purchases and donations directly to me are not necessarily deductible.)
### 🎶 ###
Give Up, Let Go – A Lesson in Trustful Surrender (the post-practice post) March 7, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.add a comment
[This is the post for the “First Friday Night Special” #5 from March 5th. This was a restorative practice with opportunities to reflect, heal, grieve, and cast something into the ether – opening up space for new possibilities and new beginnings.
You can request an audio recording of Friday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.]
“We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the programme. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accepted it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
– quoted from Chapter 3 of A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis
“‘You may grieve sincerely, Arjuna, but it is without cause. Your words may seem wise, but the truly wise one grieves neither for the living nor the dead!’”
– Krishna speaking to Arjuna (2.11) in The Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerners by Jack Hawley
“‘You grieve for those who call for no grief and yet you utter words of wisdom. Oh, Arjuna, the wise grieve neither for the dead or the living.’”
– an alternate translation of BG 2.11
Starting a blog post about loss with quotes from C. S. Lewis and the Bhagavad Gita is not going to work for everyone. I know this. But we are all closing in on a year of social distancing, isolation, and loss and this might be helpful. So, I’m going to ask you to stick with me for a moment… at least 3 or 4 paragraphs.
In The Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna is faced with a civil war and, in some ways, paralyzed by the possibility of losing those he loves – and being responsible for the deaths of those he loves and admires. When his friend and charioteer reveals himself as an avatar of God, he is not admonished for experiencing a very real human emotion. No, Krishna explains that Arjuna is looking at the situation through a very limited and “unwise” perspective. What Krishna really wants the prince to understand is that the end, as we know it on earth, is not the end – it is a merely a change. We humans are not great fans of change – especially change we haven’t instigated and embraced, but many find comfort in the spiritual or religious perspective. C. S. Lewis cautions that we can confuse “real faith” with imagination. But, even then, the faith perspective is one way people develop functional coping skills (to deal with change) and one way that helps people experience less suffering.
Similarly, some people develop functional coping skills and solace from a philosophical or psychological perspective. For instance, Patanjali attributed suffering to avidyā (“ignorance”), a kind of “afflicted” or dysfunctional thinking that leads to four additional types of afflicted/dysfunctional thinking. The last three of those afflicted/dysfunctional thought patterns are the things we like/love (our attachments rooted in pleasure); the things we dislike (our aversions); and fear of death/loss. When we understand that the second afflicted/dysfunctional thinking (a false sense of self) is built on the third and fourth (attachments and aversions) we begin to see why even losing our keys can result in the same “anticipatory panic” or anxiety that we feel before losing a major life-altering change that comes from loss.
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
– quoted from Chapter 1 of A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis
On some level, we have all experienced what C. S. Lewis observed, because we all have some experience with loss. We may lose something minor (like our keys or a game) or major (like a friend or family member) and everything in between (like a job, a home, or an important piece of information); but the experience of the mind-body is very much the same. In fact, in a Psychology Today article about the “4 tasks of grieving,” Dan Bates (LMHC, LPC, NCC – and “Mental Health Nerd), stated, “Every loss is like a death. This is not necessarily a physical death (although the death of a loved one is certainly included), but loss entails that a part of you, a piece of your life, has died.” I’ll even add to that that life as you know it has died.
It may seem trite, but it doesn’t make it any less true: the mind-body does not always distinguish losing those we love with losing a body part or a job. Neither does it distinguish those major experiences from the experience of forgetting where we placed our keys, parked our car, lost a board game, and/or rooted for a professional sports team that lost. This is especially true when, as has been the case this last year, we are inundated with so much loss. So, we not only may experience panic and anxiety, but also all the other classic traits of grieving.
In 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross released her seminal book On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy and Their Own Families, which outlined various ways her terminal patients dealt with grief. Later, she would apply these same experiences to anyone experiencing loss – in particular, those her terminal patients were leaving behind. We think of these experiences (as they were described) as stages; however, the model was never intended to be linear. Despite the attempts of Dr. Kübler-Ross and others to better explain, people still sometimes think of grieving like a train or bus with scheduled stops – as opposed to a gymnastics wheel that is rolling down a hill while we hold on with one hand. We may pause here and there, we may engage enough core strength to change directions and (sometimes) keep from falling over, but ultimately we are going to keep going… until we run out of hill.
“The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one[s] we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or goes in a prescribed order.”
– quoted from On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler
Because of the misconceptions about the “five stages of grief” – as well as the continued research in the bereavement field and a focus on the healthy aspects of actively engaging in bereavement (rather than passively experiencing grief) – people like Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, as well as William Worden, have described other grieving paradigms. These models provide an opportunity for people to process their grief regardless of if they have a religious, spiritual, and/or philosophical practice and regardless of the type of loss they have experienced.
Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut outlined a “dual process model of coping” which describes “bereavement” as an experience whereby one swings between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented responses until one finds/reaches a balancing point between facing the reality of what has been lost and learning how to reengage in life (after loss). In this way, we recognize the grieving or bereavement period – no matter how long it lasts – as a liminal moment, a transitional or threshold moment: a moment, as Dr. Joan Borysenko often describes it, “between what is no longer and what is not yet.”
More specifically, Dr. Borysenko calls “liminal time”, “that pregnant pause between what is no longer and what is not yet.” Which means it is a time when we are getting ready for new life – and preparing for all that that new life requires.
“Loss-oriented responses include grieving, crying, thinking about our loved one, and that strong desire to curl up under the covers and never come out.
Restoration-oriented responses include learning new skills…. you are able to focus on day-to-day tasks and get at least temporary relief from the emotional drain of your loss.”
– quoted from “The Dual Process Model of Grief: Navigating the Spiral” by Heather Stang (MA, C-IAYT), posted on the site of Mindfulness & Grief Institute, January 23, 2014 (updated April 19, 2020)
Loss-oriented processes focus on the things we traditionally and stereotypically associate with grieving: recognizing and accepting the changes that come from loss. This is where we find the “classic” emotional experiences of yearning, irritability, anger, despair, anxiety, and depression. There can also be guilt and denial. We may feel fixated on the loss and also may feel as if we cannot move beyond the figurative and/or literal time-space. This is when we are most like a one-dimensional Western image of Akhilāņdeśvarī (“The Goddess Who Is Never Not Broken”): curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, finding some solace from the one check that presses against the cool tile.
The thing about “She Who Is Never Not Broken,” however, is that (traditionally) she is multi-dimensional. Akhilāņdeśvarī rides a crocodile, for goodness sake! Remember, a crocodile is known for its “death spiral” and reptilian (fear-based) brain. But she stands on top of it – she is continually conquering her fear and continually facing the constant changes of the “death spiral” with a calmness that only a goddess can embody. Even when she is portrayed in pieces (because she is always broken) or portrayed with multiple versions of herself, there is some awareness or hint of new possibilities. Then there is my favorite multi-dimensional Western image, which is a sculpture by Paige Bradley. Full disclosure, I don’t think the artist knew anything about the goddess when creating the piece called “Expansion,” but it embodies the spirit of the goddess in that it depicts strength, wisdom, courage, peace, and light despite (or because of) being broken.
The goddess that is the statue was broken – is always going to be broken – but she has also been put back together again… and in a way that makes her even more amazing! This is a sign that restoration-oriented processes have kicked in. There is acceptance and a relinquishing of attachments, as well as a focus on a “new reality.” During restoration-oriented processes, a person can experience pride as well as what might be described as “grief.” It is during the restoration-oriented processes that we encounter William Worden’s “4 tasks of grieving” – which the psychologist says are active engagements:
- Accept the reality of the loss
- Right at the beginning each of us is faced with two choices: Are we going to (a) wallow in despair and spend our energy wishing nothing had changed or (b) adapt and move forward?
- Experience the pain of grief
- Everyone wants to be free of suffering and most want to avoid it completely. However, stuffing down and ignoring the painful emotions and sensations does not make them go away. Rather than spending energy avoiding the discomfort or emotion, we must begin to processing it. Processing can be done individually and/or in a group; with family and friends and/or with a therapist. It can involve journaling, meditation, movement, and/or stillness. It can be filtered through a religious ritual and/or a cultural tradition. There is no one way to process. But each of us can find at least one way that will be helpful.
- Adjust to an environment without the missing
- This is where “survivor’s guilt” can kick in. This is also the point when we need to remember that we are still alive and, therefore, still have possibilities. Considering the possibilities may swing us back to the first task and/or to loss-oriented processing – that’s OK. Take a breath and be full present in the moment, even when it is a challenging moment.
- Find an enduring connection while embarking on a new life
The final task is a very personal and intimate task – and it’s going to be different for each of us, but it’s also going to be different for each loss. Years and years ago, I read that when you experience a breakup, you should get rid of all the things the person ever gave you (in order to break the psychic/energetic connection). That idea made me think of all the stories and movies where someone, very dramatically, returns all their gifts in a box. That idea never really appealed to me, because I recognized the place someone held in my life and in my heart and I decided there had to be another way to heal. On the flip side, the idea resonates with me in reverse; that is to say, what item can you hold onto as a momento?
Another way to find an enduring connection is through shared experiences. I’m a bit of a foodie and I grew up around Irish wakes; so, I am quick to ask about someone’s favorite food or drink. Granted, it’s been a seriously long time since I toasted a former co-worker with their favorite drink (Jameson) and I’m as likely to do that again as I am to eat a departed person’s favorite meal if that meal involves meat. However, a tribute is symbolic and intentional. I don’t have to drink the actual drink to honor a friend with a “parting glass.” Neither do I have to eat the meal exactly as we once ate it to remember the memories. In fact, to honor someone who is past while honoring your present and future moments is the epitome of the fourth task.
“To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.”
– quoted from the poem “In Blackwater Woods” by Mary Oliver
Friday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
[Please Note: The first two tracks are for the physical practice. On the Spotify playlist, these are not the original tracks I had in mind for the practice, but they are similar enough to cultivate the intended experience. The third track (on both playlists) could be used as the beginning of the practice music, but is really intended to be the beginning of music you can use to process off the mat or with a more active physical practice. Fair warning, I may remix the Spotify playlist – and I will probably add music to both playlists.]
I am not a therapist and offer this information only as a point of reference. If something above resonates with you and you need (or would like) assistance with your experiences, please contact a therapist or grief/bereavement counselor.
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also call the TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
A Joyful Practice 