Anne Marie’s Life & EXCERPT: “Accepting Rachel’s Challenge & Entering the Garden” (the “missing” post-practice Monday post) *w/CORRECTION* April 20, 2026
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Baha'i, Changing Perspectives, Depression, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Religion, Riḍván, Suffering, Tragedy, Wisdom, Women, Writing, Yoga.Tags: 988, Anne Marie Hochhalter, by Jessie Van Amburg, Columbine High School, Commemoration of the Dead, mass shootings, mental health, Provody, Rachel Joy Scott, Radonitsa, Riḍván, Ridvan, Second Week of Pascha, Thornton Wilder
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“Happy Riḍván!” to those celebrating “the Most Great Festival.” Peace and many blessings to everyone and especially to anyone Counting the Omer and/or celebrating and/or observing the Second Week of Pascha & Radonitsa or Provody (Day of Rejoicing / Commemoration of the Dead)!
Happy Poetry Month!!
This is the “missing” (and backdated) post-practice for Monday, April 20th. The 2026 prompt question was, “What is on your heart and on your mind?”
WARNING: This post and the excerpted post reference Columbine High School and mass shootings. This post also references suicide. You can request an audio recording of this practice or a previous practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
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“ANTROBUS: …. Oh, I’ve never forgotten for long at a time that living is struggle. I know that every good and excellent thing in the world stands moment by moment on the razor-edge of danger and must be fought for — whether it’s a field, or a home, or a country. All I ask is the chance to build new worlds and God has always given us that second chance, and has given us [opening the book] voices to guide us; and the memory of our mistakes to warn us. Maggie, you and I must remember in peace time all those resolves that were clear to us in the days of war. Maggie, we’ve come a long ways. We’ve learned. We’re learning. And the steps of our journey are marked for us here.”
— quoted from The Skin of Our Teeth by Thornton Wilder
Seventeen-year old Rachel Joy Scott was one of the “voices to guide us”. After she and twelve others were killed, on April 20, 1999, her family found her notebooks full of messages that have stood the test of time. If you click on the excerpt title below, you will find a little of her story and the names of the others who were killed 27 years ago.
What you will not find is the name of Anne Marie Hochhalter, who was also a 17-year old at Columbine High School on April 20, 1999. Ms. Hochhalter was shot and left paralyzed from the waist down by the same person who killed Ms. Scott. She died on February 16, 2025, at the age of 43, because of sepsis complicated by the gunshot wounds she sustained in 1999. Her death is officially listed as a homicide — making her the fourteenth homicide victim.1
“Hindsight is always 20/20. We’re 20 years past the point of Columbine, and I can see where I went wrong [in coping], and that was in delaying counseling. I cannot stress that enough. Students and teachers that were there at Columbine, the people that didn’t lose a loved one or who weren’t injured, that they weren’t ‘that bad,’ they might have thought that they didn’t need it. That’s a lie, and it’s come back to bite a lot of us in the butt 20 years later because we put it off.”
— Anne Marie Hochhalter, quoted from the (Feb 16, 2018) Women’s Health interview, “‘I Survived Columbine And It Feels Like Nothing Has Changed: We haven’t addressed mass shootings at all.’” by Jessie Van Amburg
I don’t remember hearing about Anne Marie Hochhalter’s death last year. When I did hear about it, I thought about editing the earlier post(s); but then I thought about her life. See, despite her paralysis and the fact that she lived with severe pain for the rest of her life, Anne Marie Hochhalter also became one of those “voices to guide us”. She spent the rest of her life advocating against gun violence, supporting other survivors of gun violence, advocating for supplemental Social Security payments for people with disabilities, and training rescue dogs. She did all of that while also working and establishing her own independence. She did all that while also dealing with her own physical and emotional pain and trauma from the attack that left her paralyzed, as well as the trauma and grief related to her own mother dying by suicide (and using a gun, no less) six months after the Columbine High School shooting.
Anne Marie Hochhalter was an avid proponent of the NoNotoriety Movement and the “Don’t Name Them” campaign. When I wrote the earlier posts, I did so with that movement and campaign in mind. And that’s the other reason I’m only going to add an extra link to those earlier posts: Anne Marie’s voice is heard (and one of her challenges accepted)…in the silence.
Click on the excerpt title below to learn about Rachel’s Challenge and a little bit about Riḍván, “the Most Great Festival”
“I had counseling in the very beginning, but I was still in such a fog and a daze so I thought that I was okay. But I recently started it up again this year. I figured, Better late than never! But now, looking back, I wish I had been in counseling that whole time. It has a greater effect on you than you think, and it’s a delayed reaction. So many of my classmates have said the same exact thing.”
— Anne Marie Hochhalter, quoted from the (Feb 16, 2018) Women’s Health interview, “‘I Survived Columbine And It Feels Like Nothing Has Changed: We haven’t addressed mass shootings at all.’” by Jessie Van Amburg
The post excerpted above includes statistics about mass shootings. This year, I didn’t find reliable updates; however, from Friday the 17th until the morning of Monday the 19th, there were 11 shootings (that I know about) directly affecting 58 people (that I know about). Clearly, some of us are not listening to the right voices and accepting the right challenges. But/and, it is also true that sometimes we need to ask for help.
So, here is a third challenge: If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, dealing with depression, and/or struggling with addiction, I dare you to ask for help. It might be the hardest thing you do. It can also be the best thing you do.
“Having a support system around you of your friends and family is so important. Having people just to sit there when you’re feeling down—not to offer advice, just to sit beside you. Or take you out of the house, find you something that you like to do. Because if you just sit ay home and don’t go out, it just destroys you. It can destroy you. So counseling and having that support system are the two most important things I can think of.”
— Anne Marie Hochhalter, quoted from the (Feb 16, 2018) Women’s Health interview, “‘“I Survived Columbine And It Feels Like Nothing Has Changed: We haven’t addressed mass shootings at all.”’” by Jessie Van Amburg
There is no playlist for the Common Ground Meditation Center practices.
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
White Flag is an app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
You’re Invited to Bend… & To Take The Deepest Breath You’ve Taken — On Retreat!
September 25 — 27, 2026
CORRECTION:1 As noted in the original post, 36 people were killed or injured on April 20, 1999. In addition to the 14 whose deaths are officially homicides, at least two other victims (Austin Eubanks and Greg Barnes) have died in ways that are related to this traumatic tragedy.
### I DARE YOU TO LOVE, BE NICE, & ASK FOR HELP! ###
When Nothing Expands or Opens (a side note) June 1, 2022
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Books, Changing Perspectives, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, Mantra, Mysticism, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Wisdom.Tags: Lubavitcher Rebbe, mass shootings, Rabbi Tzvi Freeman, Thomas Hardy, Tulsa
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Nobly humble and grateful.
Trigger Warning: I reference very current events in this post.
“If you have spoken to another and your words did not help, it is proof you did not speak with him, but with yourself. Your words may be the words you wanted to say, the words you believe, but they are not the words he needed to hear.
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If you would speak to him and speak his words, then certainly he would hear.”
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– quoted from the wisdom of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, of righteous memory; words and condensation by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman
During the Wednesday afternoon (4:30) class, there was yet another mass shooting here in the United States. This one was in a hospital in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The practice I was in the middle of teaching (and the subsequent practice) revolved around the truly devastating and tragic events that also took place in Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1921. It’s an important story and even though (as I referenced in the link above) I sometimes skip items on my pedagogical calendar, I probably would have still told the story. However, I probably would have told it in a different way had I been aware of the shooting.
Years and years ago, a teacher offered me the mantra “Jai Jai Guru Dev” (or some variation of “Jai Jai Guru Deva”). This mantra can be translated in different, but related, ways. The way it was first explained to me was “victory to the big mind” (or “big brain”). It is a healing mantra that I often offer when friends are ill. It can be a reminder that there is something bigger than ourselves and bigger than our egos. It can be also a reminder that we can play around all we want and get really excited about how we’re winning, but eventual the Universe (i.e., the House) always wins – which is itself a reminder that there is wisdom bigger than our ego-driven opinions.
At the end of the day, we may have different opinions about why we, here in the USA, have a problem – but we really can’t deny that there is a problem. We also can’t afford to deny or ignore the fact that it’s a problem no one else in the world is having. Neither can we deny or ignore the fact that if we keep speaking with ourselves, instead of with each other, than we will keep having this problem.
“‘It is a difficult question, my friends, for any young man– that question I had to grapple with, and which thousands are weighing at the present moment in these uprising times– whether to follow uncritically the track he finds himself in, without considering his aptness for it, or to consider what his aptness or bent may be, and re-shape his course accordingly. I tried to do the latter, and I failed. But I don’t admit that my failure proved my view to be a wrong one, or that my success would have made it a right one; though that’s how we appraise such attempts nowadays–I mean, not by their essential soundness, but by their accidental outcomes.’”
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– quoted from Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy (b. 06/02/1840)
If you’re interested in a short 2020 post about Thomas Hardy, please click here.
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If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also call the TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, call the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
A Joyful Practice 