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Free To Be You (and Me?), a sequel & a prequel July 3, 2021

Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Changing Perspectives, Depression, Healing Stories, Health, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Meditation, Pain, Philosophy, Suffering, Super Heroes, Tragedy, Vipassana, Wisdom, Women, Writing, Yoga.
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MKR (All rights reserved)

Back in the day… (also, my reaction to some things happening today)

“No. This is the first time that I’ve known what my hair looks like, when it just grows out of my scalp. [Pause] How is it that I know what my pubes look like more than I know the hair on my head? [Laughing]

When I was younger my mom took really good care of my hair. She learned how to do my hair. Our hair textures are not the same. You know, even my mom tending to my hair – that in itself, that action acknowledges that my hair is beautiful and worthy. And I still was somehow brainwashed into believing otherwise. [Pause] But, that might also have been, because [pause]: my mom’s side of the family is white.

No one on my dad’s side was wearing their hair natural and – it was wigs or weaves – and that’s why when I grew up to take care of my hair, I assumed that’s what I’m supposed to do with this: I’m supposed to tuck it away.”

– Kiersey Clemons when asked if she has always worn her hair natural (as she did during the pandemic), in the February 11, 2021 StyleLikeU video entitled, “Actress Kiersey Clemons Accepts Her Mental Health Diagnosis and Stands Up To Racism in Hollywood”

If you think the Kiersey Clemons’s comment above is out of this world, odds are you’re not a Black woman in the Western world. But, just to make sure you appreciate the intensity of her reality, take a moment to put yourself in her shoes:

Imagine, for a moment, that you are a 27-year old woman who is considered a person to watch in your industry. Imagine that you’ve worked with some heavy hitters in your industry and that you’ve been nominated (and even won) some awards within your industry. Now imagine that your job constantly requires people to look at you and so you spend a good amount of time preparing yourself to be looked at, photographed, and filmed.

Ok, you got it?

Now, read her statement again.

If you attended the most recent First Friday Night Special and read the post-practice post, you might be surprised that very little of what was in the blog was in the practice. In all honesty, even though I started working on the blog before Friday night, I had intended to go in a different direction with the post. But, the practice was about freeing and liberating one’s self and being independent – and, after doing the practice twice, I decided to stop holding on to some things I was saving for a different post.

Not to mention the fact that the post was super timely since today, July 3rd, is the first official “National CROWN Day.” The fact that FINA’s announcement about the Soul Cap (swim cap) came this weekend seems like a weird coincidence, serendipity, an intentional insult, a PR stunt, and/or what afro-rocking Bob Ross might have called “a happy accident.” Because, whichever way you look at it, no one can deny the fact that the timing brought more international awareness to movement around natural (and textured) hair.

“According to [Schwartz, a natural hair company established in 1965], the average American spends approximately $89.95 USD on hair care products in a year. A year! How many black women do you know that have only spent $89.95 in a year on their hair? ‘[Mintel, a global market research and market insight company] values the black hair care industry at more than $2.5 billion, but that statistic doesn’t include products such as hair accessories, wigs or electric styling products. So, the industry is actually worth much more.’”

– quoted from the DGSpeaks blog post entitled, “The Black Hair Industry – A 2.5 Billion Dollar Business Built on Racism and Self-Hate” by Mercedes Diane (dated August 12, 2020)

“[Uncomfortable laugh] I think so…. It’s a pretty big insecurity for me. Like, y’all can see my thighs and my butt all day. But [pause], my hair is a secret.

The idea of what beautiful hair is, is completely, umm, warped – where I was from, like Houston [wipes her eyes]. It be like, you know, [makes voice higher], ‘Oh, I’m mixed.’ ‘I got silky hair.’ I got “good” hair.’ But “good” hair doesn’t exist. You know what I’m saying?”

– Lizzo’s response when asked why she’s taking off her pants before taking off her orange wig, in the October 20, 2014 StyleLikeU video entitled, “Lizzo: The Truth About Self-Acceptance” [the interviewer follows up by saying, “It’s a 90-billion dollar business to make Black women hate their hair.”]

If you are not familiar with StyleLikeU, let me begin by mentioning that it is not a Black organization or an organization specifically related to Black experiences. Instead, it is the creation of the mother-daughter duo Elisa Goodkind and Lily Mandelbaum. They call their brain-child “a radically honest storytelling platform” and it is a fiscally sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts organization. The mother-daughter team states that their mission is “to inspire acceptance through revealing what’s underneath personal style” and that they are driven by a vision “to lead the fashion and beauty industries toward self-love, diversity, and inclusion.” Their YouTube content, podcast, and book feature people of different races and ethnicities; different sexes, genders, and sexualities; different ages, heights, and weights; and different abilities.

Some of the people featured are big media celebrities, like Lizzo (whose video was released in 2014) and Mariel Hemingway (whose video was released in 2019). Others are influencers, like Freddie Harrel (whose video was released in 2016) and Claire Raymond (whose video was released June of this year). Still others are professionals and regular ordinary people with whom you may or may not have some intersection, like Aki Hirata Baker (whose video was released in May), Syd Miller and August Black (whose video was released in June); and Leon Ford (whose video was released in February). The people interviewed talk about a lot of different subjects and deal with a lot of different experiences, but what all of these people have in common is a willingness to reveal their whole selves. They reveal themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally in an interview series called, The What’s Underneath Project, which is one of at least six ongoing series being produced and curated by the StyleLikeU team.

The What’s Underneath Project is like everyone’s worst public speaking nightmare. During the very raw and very personal interview, the featured people are asked a series of very intimate questions. As the person opens up – offering bits of their personal history and pieces of revealing information – the person being interviewed takes off bits of clothing. They take off their clothes, layer by layer, until they are left wearing nothing but their underwear and the wireless microphone pack. Even their jewelry comes off! What’s interesting isn’t (just) how uncomfortable some of the subjects are – even those who are use to speaking in public (even without a lot of clothing) – or even how uncomfortable one might feel while watching the video. What’s most interesting to me is when the people being interviewed appear most vulnerable, when they say they feel most vulnerable, and the personal insight that comes up when people allow themselves to be vulnerable.

Since I have watched more than a handful of videos from The What’s Underneath Project series – including the “It’s What’s Underneath” video featuring “Not-So-Identical Twins Nadine and Nola Hanson” – I was not surprised to find a new video show up on YouTube a few hours after I posted my last post. It is the video embedded below and it features clips from various StyleLikeU videos where Black women (from around the world) talk about their hair. The clip was put together in honor of National Crown Day and, if you pay attention, you will notice that the women come in different shapes, different sizes, and different ages. You will also notice that they have different natural hair types. You may also notice that their individual relationships with their hair developed over time. And, more often than not, that journey towards self-acceptance has come as a result of navigating through a world that has not historically recognized that Black hair is natural. Normal. Beautiful.

My Hair Is My Crown

[NOTE: I’ve added this video to the “A Place To Start” playlist.]

“And he told her all his heart, and said to her, ‘A razor has not come upon my head, for I am a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If I will be shaven, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any man.’

And Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, and she sent and called to the lords of the Philistines saying, ‘Come up this time, for he has told me all his heart.’ And the lords of the Philistines came up to her, and brought the money in their hands.

And she put him to sleep upon her knees, and she called to the man, and she shaved off the seven locks of his head. And she began to afflict him, and his strength left him.

And she said, ‘The Philistines (have come) upon you Samson!’ And he awoke from his sleep and said, ‘I will go out as at other times, and I will shake myself,’ but he did not know that the Lord had departed from him.

And the Philistines seized him, and gouged out his eyes. And they brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with copper chains, and he did grind in the prison house.”

Shoftim Judges (16:17 – 21)

### Please don’t touch a Black person’s hair (or poke your finger through ANYBODY’s ear gauges] without their consent ###

Fill Your Cup! (It’s Compassion and Peace Week) July 13, 2020

Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Uncategorized.
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It’s Compassion and Peace Week! At least, that’s what I’m calling this week.

It’s an opportunity to practice peace and compassion on several different levels. I’ll explain later this week the reason why I often place a special focus on this time, but (for now) let’s just dive into the practice.

 

“We have the capacity to discover the tools and means to overcome our sorrow.”

 

– commentary on Yoga Sūtra 2.24 (referencing one of the six “powers unique to human”) from The Practice of the Yoga Sutra: Sadhana Pada by Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD

Just so we are all on the same page, remember that in the Yoga Sūtra, Patanjali identifies afflicted (kleśāh) thought patterns as the cause of suffering; breaks down those afflicted thought patterns into five specific types of thought (ignorance, false sense of self, attachment, aversion, and fear of loss/death); and further breaks down ignorance (avidyā), as it is the bedrock of the other four afflicted thought patterns. He then proceeds to outline ways to end ignorance, and therefore suffering.

If you’ve studied or practiced any Buddhism, this all sounds very familiar for a reason. I have heard that the Buddha was aware of the philosophy of yoga, maybe even practiced it for a bit, but found that it was not practical. Keep in mind that during Prince Siddhartha’s time practicing yoga stereotypically involved renouncing the world and renouncing the daily activities of the general populace. There were no classes you slipped in during your lunch hour or streamed before work. There was no separation between the physical and philosophical practices.

And this, some commentators say, is exactly why modern practitioners run into a problem. The problem being, perhaps, that we are already not on the same page. Take a moment to consider what you believe to be the state of absolute liberation and freedom from suffering.

After you’ve paused, and really considered yourself in a state devoid of freedom consider the following: Are you still in the world? Or, is your idea of enlightenment/heaven some place outside of this physical existence? Does your viewpoint make the achievement accessible or nearly impossible to achieve?

“The wisest course (so we are told) is to attain moksha, salvation, which in effect means extricating ourselves from the world as quickly as possible.

Patanjali’s understanding and experiences are antithetical to this view. According to his predecessor, Kapila, the impetus behind our birth and manifestation of the universe is anugraha, divine grace. Divine grace is suffused with unconditional love and compassion. Purusha, the intrinsic intelligence of [primordial matter/power], knows everything about each individual soul…. As purusha is spontaneously moved by its own realization, [primordial matter/power] begins to pulsate….

Compassion is the sole cause of the initial pulsation – the power of compassion is itself the pulsation (anugraha shakti). Thus, spiritually speaking, the power of compassion is our origin…. And we thrive due to the power of compassion inherent in us. The power of compassion is the power of the divine.”

 

– commentary on Yoga Sūtra 2.5 from The Practice of the Yoga Sutra: Sadhana Pada by Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD

Remember, just last week, I quoted the 14th Dalai Lama, who said “that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion.” Makes sense, right, that once again the Eastern philosophies mesh. But, before we get into that part of the practice, let’s take a side trip from Eastern philosophy into Western religion. (Consider this the scenic route.)

Because of where and how I was raised (Hello, Bible Belt!), so much of the language above reminds me of the language in The Gospel According to John. Specifically, in John 17, theoretically written by the youngest of the apostles, Jesus lays out a prayer and some very specific (although, I guess, easily forgotten or misunderstood) instructions. John the Apostle recounts Jesus foretelling his own death and asking that his disciples be protected by the same power he (Jesus) used to protect them in life. He then goes on to state, repeatedly (for emphasis), that he and they are not “of the world,” but that he and they have been sent “into the world” with a purpose. That purpose, again, is salvation and the end of suffering – through love (and many traditions agree). Note, however, that in the very middle of this passage, Jesus explicitly states, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world….” (John 17:15, NIV) So, here, again, the instruction is to find, seek, teach, and discover the end of suffering in the material world. Patanjali even explicitly states that that is the purpose of the material world. (YS 2.18)

“Usually our concept of compassion or love refers to the feeling of closeness we have with our friends and loved ones. Sometimes the compassion also carries a sense of pity. This is wrong. Any love or compassion which entails looking down on the other is not genuine compassion. To be genuine, compassion must be based on respect for the other and on the realization that others have the right to be happy and overcome suffering, just as much as you. On this basis, since you can see that others are suffering, you develop a genuine sense of concern for them.”

 

– Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama in July 2015

 

“With a determination to achieve the highest aim
For the benefit of all sentient beings
Which surpasses even the wish-fulfilling gem,
May I hold them dear at all times.”

 

– Verse 1 from Eight Verses for Training the Mind by Geshé Langri Tangpa

Compassion comes to us from the Latin phrase, by way of Old French and Middle English, for “to suffer with.” Take a moment to consider with whom you ALWAYS suffer. Take a moment to consider with whom you are closest. Take a moment to consider who you know the best.

The answer should be obvious, but for many it’s not: it’s us. Likewise, we ourselves are in the position to be the most respected by us, the most loved, the “most dear,” and the one we understand to have “the right to be happy and overcome suffering” – and yet, somehow we lose sight of this. Somehow we think that someone else is more worthy of happiness or the end of suffering. It used to seem odd to me that while the traditional way to practice “Metta” (loving-kindness) meditation is to start with oneself and work outwards to those who are most challenging for us to be loving and kind, “Karuna” (compassion) meditation traditionally starts with the one who is enduring the most. It seemed especially odd when you consider that the person suffering the most is sometimes the most challenging person in our lives. But, ultimately it’s not odd; it’s just a reflection of human nature.

“One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’”

 

The Gospel According to Matthew (22:35 – 40, NIV), this speech also appears in Mark (12:28 – 31) and Luke (10:17)

 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

 

The Gospel According to John (13:34 – 35, NIV)

 

“I want you to know that I love you very much, and I’m very proud of you. I want you to know that if you can love me, you can love your… self. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to do a little mantra with you. I want you to go home tonight and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, you are beautiful, and you can do anything.’ I really want you to say that, because I believe that we can save the world if we save ourselves first.”

 

– Lizzo at the 2019 Glastonbury Festival in Somerset, England

 

“Sending and taking should be practiced alternately. These two should ride the breath.

Begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself.”

 – from Always Maintain A Joyful Mind: And Other Lojong Teachings on Awaking Compassion and Fearlessness by Pema Chödrön

 

Today is a good day to train your mind to offer yourself compassion. Please join me on the virtual mat today (Monday, July 13th) at 5:30 PM for a 75-minute virtual yoga practice that begins with yourself.

This is a 75-minute Common Ground Meditation Center practice that, in the spirit of generosity (dana), is freely given and freely received. You can use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below.

If you are able to support the center and its teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” my other practices, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible, class purchases are not necessarily.)

There is no playlist for the Common Ground practices.

 

“The problems of puzzles are very near the problems of life, our whole life is solving puzzles. If you are hungry, you have to find something to eat. But everyday problems are very mixed – they’re not clear. The Cube’s problem depends just on you. You can solve it independently. But to find happiness in life, you’re not independent. That’s the only big difference.”

 

– Ernő Rubik (b. 07/13/1944)

 

### MORE HEARTS ###