FTWMI: A Quick Note & Excerpts About Practicing the R’s July 14, 2025
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Abhyasa, Buddhism, Changing Perspectives, Dharma, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Meditation, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Pema Chodron, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Vairagya, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: 988, Anushka Fernandopulle, attachment, Buddhism, compassion, compassionate abiding, Elephant Journal, loving-kindness, lovingkindness, Matt Caron, meditation, Metta, Mindfulness, non-attachment, Pema Chodron, shenpa, Shenpa & The Practice of Getting Unhooked, spirituality, yoga philosophy
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Many blessings to everyone and especially to anyone practicing peace, freedom, and wisdom (inside and outside).
For Those Who Missed It: The following was originally posted today in 2024. The 2025 prompt question was, “Who (or what) pushes your buttons, gets your goat, and gets you fired up like nobody’s business??”
You can request an audio recording of this practice or a previous practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es).
Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.
“Somebody says a mean word to you and then something in you tightens — that’s the shenpa. Then it starts to spiral into low self-esteem, or blaming them, or anger at them, denigrating yourself. And maybe if you have strong addictions, you just go right for your addiction to cover over the bad feeling that arose when that person said that mean word to you. This is a mean word that gets you, hooks you. Another mean word may not affect you but we’re talking about where it touches that sore place — that’s a shenpa. Someone criticizes you — they criticize your work, they criticize your appearance, they criticize your child — and, shenpa: almost co-arising.”
— Pema Chödrön
For the record, I am not going to say, practice, teach (or preach) anything I haven’t been teaching, practicing, and saying (or preaching) for years. Maybe I will tweak the phrasing. Maybe you will hear/see/understand things in a special way — thereby gaining new insight. Either way, regardless of all that is happening in the world, it still comes back to this: Sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse.
Yes, sometimes we can do things that make our life and the lives around us better. Sometimes we can write legislation, vote for legislation, and/or vote for people who write and/or vote for legislation that creates more opportunity for peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. Sometimes we can create organizations or work, volunteer, and/or donate to organizations that cultivate peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. There are, however, times when we are too poor — in spirit, heart/courage, skills, and/or material resources — to do anything other than send “thoughts and prayers.”
All that being, I am of the mindset that we can not know what we are able to do and/or what is the best way to respond — rather than react — until we sit down, get still, get quiet, and get honest about our intentions. Once we are grounded and centered, then we can act accordingly. In other words, practice the four R’s:
-
RECOGNIZE (that your buttons have gotten pushed and you have the urge/impulse to react).
-
REFRAIN (from doing anything, especially that knee jerk reaction).
-
RELAX (maybe breathe peace in and breath peace out, or do use a centering prayer).
-
RESOLVE (to move forward with mindfulness and intention).
This is the practice taught by the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, who was born today in 1936. I often add another R (or two):
-
REMEMBER (your intention and why you are doing the thing you are doing).
-
RECOGNIZE (again, that sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse).
You may be thinking, I don’t have time for all that “navel gazing” and introspection. And, yes, there are definitely times that require a quick response. At the same time, if you make this practice a habit, it only takes a split second to engage when you really need it.
CLICK ON THE EXCERPT TITLES BELOW FOR MORE!
“By trying this, we learn exactly where we are open and where we are closed. We learn quickly where we would do well to just practice abiding compassionately with our own confused feelings, before we try to work with other people, because right now our efforts would probably make a bigger mess. I know many people who want to be teachers, or feed the homeless, or start clinics, or try in some way to truly help others. Despite their generous intentions, they don’t always realize that if they plan to work closely with people they may be in for a lot of difficulty—a lot of feeling hooked. The people they hope to help will not always see them as saviors. In fact, they will probably criticize them and give them a hard time. Teachers and helpers of all kinds will be of limited use if they are doing their work to build up their own egos.”
— quoted from “Unlimited Friendliness: Three steps to genuine compassion” (Winter 2009 issue of Tricycle) by Pema Chödrön
There is no playlist for the Common Ground Meditation Center practices.
The playlist used in previous years is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “07142020 Compassion & Peace for Pema”]
“Prince Guatama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”
— quoted from Matt Caron and from Elephant Journal
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
White Flag is an app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
### OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTIHI OM ###
A Quick Note & Excerpts About Practicing the R’s July 14, 2024
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Abhyasa, Buddhism, Changing Perspectives, Dharma, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Meditation, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Pema Chodron, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Vairagya, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: 988, Anushka Fernandopulle, attachment, Buddhism, compassion, compassionate abiding, Elephant Journal, loving-kindness, lovingkindness, Matt Caron, Metta, non-attachment, Pema Chödrön, Pema Chodron, shenpa, Shenpa & The Practice of Getting Unhooked, yoga philosophy
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Many blessings to everyone and especially to anyone practicing peace, freedom, and wisdom (inside and outside).
“Somebody says a mean word to you and then something in you tightens — that’s the shenpa. Then it starts to spiral into low self-esteem, or blaming them, or anger at them, denigrating yourself. And maybe if you have strong addictions, you just go right for your addiction to cover over the bad feeling that arose when that person said that mean word to you. This is a mean word that gets you, hooks you. Another mean word may not affect you but we’re talking about where it touches that sore place — that’s a shenpa. Someone criticizes you — they criticize your work, they criticize your appearance, they criticize your child — and, shenpa: almost co-arising.”
— Pema Chödrön
For the record, I am not going to say, practice, teach (or preach) anything I haven’t been teaching, practicing, and saying (or preaching) for years. Maybe I will tweak the phrasing. Maybe you will hear/see/understand things in a special way — thereby gaining new insight. Either way, regardless of all that is happening in the world, it still comes back to this: Sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse.
Yes, sometimes we can do things that make our life and the lives around us better. Sometimes we can write legislation, vote for legislation, and/or vote for people who write and/or vote for legislation that creates more opportunity for peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. Sometimes we can create organizations or work, volunteer, and/or donate to organizations that cultivate peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. There are, however, times when we are too poor — in spirit, heart/courage, skills, and/or material resources — to do anything other than send “thoughts and prayers.”
All that being, I am of the mindset that we can not know what we are able to do and/or what is the best way to respond — rather than react — until we sit down, get still, get quiet, and get honest about our intentions. Once we are grounded and centered, then we can act accordingly. In other words, practice the four R’s:
-
RECOGNIZE (that your buttons have gotten pushed and you have the urge/impulse to react).
-
REFRAIN (from doing anything, especially that knee jerk reaction).
-
RELAX (maybe breathe peace in and breath peace out, or do use a centering prayer).
-
RESOLVE (to move forward with mindfulness and intention).
This is the practice taught by the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, who was born today in 1936. I often add another R (or two):
-
REMEMBER (your intention and why you are doing the thing you are doing).
-
RECOGNIZE (again, that sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse).
You may be thinking, I don’t have time for all that “navel gazing” and introspection. And, yes, there are definitely times that require a quick response. At the same time, if you make this practice a habit, it only takes a split second to engage when you really need it.
CLICK ON THE EXCERPT TITLES BELOW FOR MORE!
“By trying this, we learn exactly where we are open and where we are closed. We learn quickly where we would do well to just practice abiding compassionately with our own confused feelings, before we try to work with other people, because right now our efforts would probably make a bigger mess. I know many people who want to be teachers, or feed the homeless, or start clinics, or try in some way to truly help others. Despite their generous intentions, they don’t always realize that if they plan to work closely with people they may be in for a lot of difficulty—a lot of feeling hooked. The people they hope to help will not always see them as saviors. In fact, they will probably criticize them and give them a hard time. Teachers and helpers of all kinds will be of limited use if they are doing their work to build up their own egos.”
— quoted from “Unlimited Friendliness: Three steps to genuine compassion” (Winter 2009 issue of Tricycle) by Pema Chödrön
Please join me for a 65-minute virtual yoga practice on Zoom today (Sunday, July 14th) at 2:30 PM. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below or by emailing myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “07142020 Compassion & Peace for Pema”]
“Prince Guatama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”
— quoted from Matt Caron and from Elephant Journal
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
White Flag is a new app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es).
Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.
### OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTIHI OM ###
Getting Ready to Let Go September 24, 2023
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Changing Perspectives, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Mantra, Music, Mysticism, New Year, One Hoop, Philosophy, Religion, Rosh Hashanah, Suffering, Vairagya, Wisdom, Yoga, Yom Kippur.Tags: Charlie Harary, Ganesh Chaturthi, Ganesha, High Holidays, non-attachment, Psalms, Rosh Hashanah, Tehillim, Ten Days of Atonement, Ten Days of Awe, Yoga Sutra 2.39, Yom Kippur
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Many blessings, to everyone and especially those celebrating Ganesh Chaturthi!! “Chag sameach!” to those observing the High Holidays and getting ready for Yom Kippur!
This is a “missing” post for Sunday, September 24th. NOTE: Some information has previously been posted in a (slightly) different context. You can request an audio recording of either practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.)
“ॐ गजाननाय नमः।
Aum Gajānanāya Namaḥ।”
— This mantra honoring “the One who carries the elephant head” is a reminder that if Ganesha can carry the elephant’s head to survive and fulfill his duties, we can all put aside our egos and live dutifully.
When we focused on the little things yesterday, I emphasized how little things get us ready for the big things. Little baby steps add up and become (what appears to some to be) big giant leaps. Little changes in routines become big changes in habits. However, I also mentioned how some people — myself included — can get impatient when we decide we are ready for change. We want things to happen right away. We want to click our heels and magically appear at home, surrounded by those we love. Or, we want a worm hole or a car with fancy doors that allows us to fly through time.
Of course, life doesn’t work that way.
If you are familiar with Ganesh Chaturthi and/or you a different faith where God takes away your sins or absolves you of your transgressions — but are not actually rooted in those faiths — perhaps you think that those are the easy ways out. Let someone else remove your obstacles and barriers. Let someone else wash away your sins, past mistakes, and unfulfilled vows. But, that’s not how mysticism works. People still have to do some work.
You still have to do some work.
You still have to do something in order to let go of what no longer serves you. You still have to ask (through prayer, reflection, and offerings) to have your obstacles removed. You still have to ask and/or offer forgiveness — when you’re ready. But, only you can decide when you are ready. Similarly, asking for (and accepting) help to get out of a bad situation is work that only you can do… again, when you are ready.
Just like no one else can do your work for you, no one else can decide when you are ready. There are, however, tried and true methods for getting ready. There are rituals and traditions that I often describe as being forms of kriyā yoga, that combination of the final three niyamas (internal “observations”): discipline/austerity, self-study, and trustful surrender to a higher power (other than one’s self). Whenever and how ever we practice these elements, we are confronted with the question, “What’s ‘In There’ That’s So Important?”
Sometimes the answer is, “Nothing,” and we just need to realize that we are holding on to our baggage out of habit. Other times, the answer (and the process to reach the answer) is a little more nuanced than that. Either way, the practice takes us through the journey of WHY & WHAT:
- WHY hold on to things that hold you back? and
- WHAT happens when you let go?
The following (slightly revised) excerpt is from a 2021 post.
Click here to read the 2021 post in its entirety.
Yoga Sūtra 2.39: aparigrahasthairye janmakathantāasambodhah
— “A person firmly established in the non-possessiveness gains complete understanding of the “why-ness” (or essence of why) of birth.”
Like everyone else, I have my favorite stories for each season; but, I don’t get the chance to tell every story every year…. There is, however, a story I make sure to tell every year, right at the end of the High Holidays. It’s a Charlie Harary story with a timeless message.
Some people may believe that I save today’s story for the one of the final days of the High Holidays because it is sometimes an intense physical practice. But, in reality, there is a bit of symbolism that plays out in the story and in the timing of the story. You see, even though I don’t talk about the significance of Rosh Hashanah, the Ten Days of Awe / Ten Days of Atonement, and Yom Kippur until people are observing them; many people within the Jewish community start planning and observing (a time of contemplation and preparation) forty days before Yom Kippur. They listen for the call of the shofar and recite Psalm 27 twice a day. Some communities even begin a tradition of communal prayers for forgiveness (Selichot). For others, observation begins with Rosh Hashanah and the Ten Days of Repentance — even though, if they plan to go home and/or attend services, they have to make arrangements beforehand. Finally, there are people who may only fast and attend services on Yom Kippur.
There is merit to each person’s timetable. And I see this kind of timetable in other communities — including in the yoga community….
“Had I not believed in seeing the good of the Lord in the land of the living!
Hope for the Lord, be strong and He will give your heart courage, and hope for the Lord.”
— quoted from Tehillim – Psalms (27:13-14)
Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “High Holidays: Drop Your Bags”]
NOTE: The YouTube playlist includes the Charlie Harary story that originally inspired this practice.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.)
A Joyful Practice 