FTWMI: A Quick Note & Excerpts About Practicing the R’s July 14, 2025
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Abhyasa, Buddhism, Changing Perspectives, Dharma, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Meditation, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Pema Chodron, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Vairagya, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: 988, Anushka Fernandopulle, attachment, Buddhism, compassion, compassionate abiding, Elephant Journal, loving-kindness, lovingkindness, Matt Caron, meditation, Metta, Mindfulness, non-attachment, Pema Chodron, shenpa, Shenpa & The Practice of Getting Unhooked, spirituality, yoga philosophy
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Many blessings to everyone and especially to anyone practicing peace, freedom, and wisdom (inside and outside).
For Those Who Missed It: The following was originally posted today in 2024. The 2025 prompt question was, “Who (or what) pushes your buttons, gets your goat, and gets you fired up like nobody’s business??”
You can request an audio recording of this practice or a previous practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es).
Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.
“Somebody says a mean word to you and then something in you tightens — that’s the shenpa. Then it starts to spiral into low self-esteem, or blaming them, or anger at them, denigrating yourself. And maybe if you have strong addictions, you just go right for your addiction to cover over the bad feeling that arose when that person said that mean word to you. This is a mean word that gets you, hooks you. Another mean word may not affect you but we’re talking about where it touches that sore place — that’s a shenpa. Someone criticizes you — they criticize your work, they criticize your appearance, they criticize your child — and, shenpa: almost co-arising.”
— Pema Chödrön
For the record, I am not going to say, practice, teach (or preach) anything I haven’t been teaching, practicing, and saying (or preaching) for years. Maybe I will tweak the phrasing. Maybe you will hear/see/understand things in a special way — thereby gaining new insight. Either way, regardless of all that is happening in the world, it still comes back to this: Sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse.
Yes, sometimes we can do things that make our life and the lives around us better. Sometimes we can write legislation, vote for legislation, and/or vote for people who write and/or vote for legislation that creates more opportunity for peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. Sometimes we can create organizations or work, volunteer, and/or donate to organizations that cultivate peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. There are, however, times when we are too poor — in spirit, heart/courage, skills, and/or material resources — to do anything other than send “thoughts and prayers.”
All that being, I am of the mindset that we can not know what we are able to do and/or what is the best way to respond — rather than react — until we sit down, get still, get quiet, and get honest about our intentions. Once we are grounded and centered, then we can act accordingly. In other words, practice the four R’s:
-
RECOGNIZE (that your buttons have gotten pushed and you have the urge/impulse to react).
-
REFRAIN (from doing anything, especially that knee jerk reaction).
-
RELAX (maybe breathe peace in and breath peace out, or do use a centering prayer).
-
RESOLVE (to move forward with mindfulness and intention).
This is the practice taught by the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, who was born today in 1936. I often add another R (or two):
-
REMEMBER (your intention and why you are doing the thing you are doing).
-
RECOGNIZE (again, that sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse).
You may be thinking, I don’t have time for all that “navel gazing” and introspection. And, yes, there are definitely times that require a quick response. At the same time, if you make this practice a habit, it only takes a split second to engage when you really need it.
CLICK ON THE EXCERPT TITLES BELOW FOR MORE!
“By trying this, we learn exactly where we are open and where we are closed. We learn quickly where we would do well to just practice abiding compassionately with our own confused feelings, before we try to work with other people, because right now our efforts would probably make a bigger mess. I know many people who want to be teachers, or feed the homeless, or start clinics, or try in some way to truly help others. Despite their generous intentions, they don’t always realize that if they plan to work closely with people they may be in for a lot of difficulty—a lot of feeling hooked. The people they hope to help will not always see them as saviors. In fact, they will probably criticize them and give them a hard time. Teachers and helpers of all kinds will be of limited use if they are doing their work to build up their own egos.”
— quoted from “Unlimited Friendliness: Three steps to genuine compassion” (Winter 2009 issue of Tricycle) by Pema Chödrön
There is no playlist for the Common Ground Meditation Center practices.
The playlist used in previous years is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “07142020 Compassion & Peace for Pema”]
“Prince Guatama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”
— quoted from Matt Caron and from Elephant Journal
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
White Flag is an app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
### OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTIHI OM ###
Holy & Divine 2025 (a reboot) April 8, 2025
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Books, Buddhism, Changing Perspectives, Dharma, Faith, Fitness, Gratitude, Healing Stories, Hope, Karma Yoga, Lent / Great Lent, Life, Mantra, Meditation, Music, Mysticism, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Religion, Suffering, Vairagya, Vipassana, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: 8 Limbs of Yoga Philosophy, 988, Amacha, arrows, Barbara Kingsolver, Buddha, Buddha's Birthday, Cula-Malunkyovada Sutta, Diamond Sutra, Elephant Journal, Flower Festival, Four Noble Truths, Japan, Lent / Great Lent, Matt Caron, Metta, Noble Eightfold Path, parables, phyllodulcin, poisoned arrow, second arrow, Siddhartha, Siddhartha Gautama, Suffering, Thanissaro Bhikkhu, Vesak, Wesak, Yoga Sutra 1.30-1.31, Yoga Sutra 1.32, Yoga Sutra 1.33-1.40, Yoga Sutra 1.5, Yoga Sutra 2.10-2.11, Yoga Sutra 2.2-2.9, Yoga Sutra 2.3
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Peace and many blessings to everyone and especially to those celebrating the Buddha’s birthday and the Flower Festival (in Japan) and/or observing Lent & Great Lent!
This “missing” post for Tuesday, April 8th features new and previously posted content, as well as some excerpts. Some embedded links will direct you to sites outside of this blog. My apologies for not posting before the Noon practice. You can request an audio recording of this practice or a previous practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es).
Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.
“A hundred different paths may lighten the world’s load of suffering. Giving up meat is one path; giving up bananas is another. The more we know about our food system, the more we are called into complex choices. It seems facile to declare one single forbidden fruit, when humans live under so many different kinds of trees.”
— quoted from Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver
Born April 8, 1955, in Annapolis, Maryland, Barbara Kingsolver is the award-winning author of novels, essays, and poetry, as well as one of the co-founders of the rock band the Rock Bottom Remainders. Her fiction and nonfiction reflect her experiences living in rural Kentucky, the Republic of the Congo-Léopoldville (now known as the Democratic Republic of the Congo), Indiana, Arizona, and Appalachia (where she currently resides). The author of novels like The Bean Trees (1988), The Poisonwood Bible (1998), Prodigal Summer (2000), The Lacuna (2009), and Demon Copperhead (2022) — and nonfiction like Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life (2007), about her family attempting to eat locally — has won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction (2023), a National Humanities Award (2000), the Women’s Prize for Fiction (in 2010 & 2023), and has had every one of her book’s listed on the New York Times Best Seller List since 1993.
While we can say that she writes about the the things that are important to her, including the opioid crisis in the United States, “social justice, biodiversity, and the interaction between humans and their communities and environments”, we can also just say that she really only writes about two things: suffering and the end of suffering.
Yoga Sūtra 1.5: vŗttayah pañcatayyah klişțāklişțāh
— “The tendencies that cause the mind to fluctuate (or rotate) are fivefold, and are either afflicting or non-afflicting.”
Yoga Sūtra 2.3: Avidyāmitārāgadveşābhiniveśāh kleśāh
— “Ignorance (or lack of knowledge), false sense of identity, attachment (rooted in pleasure), aversion (attachment rooted in pain), and fear of death or loss are the afflictions.”
If we look back over the previous nine days/nights and the stories associated with Navaratri, we see instances of suffering (in the form of “demons”) and the end of suffering (in the form of the goddesses being victorious in the battles and challenges). If we look back at the the civil rights movements I have mentioned over the last couple of months, we again see suffering (in the form of oppression) and the end of suffering (in the form of people being granted the civil rights). In fact, if we look back at the whole of humanity, we see this same theme play out again and again and again. We also see that every major religion and philosophy, as well as all medical sciences, have the same two ends of a common thread: people suffer and people want their suffering to end.
In the Yoga Sūtras, Patanjali outlined how the mind works and how to work the mind. The mind, he explained, has a tendency to wander, move around, and get caught up in those fluctuations. Those fluctuations are either afflicted or not afflicted — meaning some thoughts bring us pain/suffering and others alleviate or don’t cause pain/suffering. He also described nine obstacles, which lead to five conditions (or states of suffering) (YS 1.30-1.31); five dysfunctional/afflicted thought patterns that lead to suffering (YS 2.2-2.9); and specifically pointed to meditation as a way to overcome the suffering (YS 1.32 and YS 2.10-2.11).
Throughout the first two chapters of the text, he gave specific examples about how to overcome the afflicted thoughts; how to alleviate the suffering they cause; and how to overcome the obstacles and painful states of suffering. His recommendation: Various forms of meditation — various forms of sitting and breathing with awareness (āsana and prāṇāyāma).
One meditation technique Patanjali suggested is offering loving-kindness/friendliness to those who are happy, compassion to those who are sad, happiness to those who are virtuous, and indifference to those who are non-virtuous. (YS 1.33) It is similar to a metta meditation, which is actually a great way to start this practice. Another is simply focusing on the breath. (YS 1.34)
Knowing, however, that everyone can’t just drop into a deep seated meditation, Patanjali also offered physical techniques to prepare the mind-body for meditation. Although, Patanjali did not describe any specific āsanas or “seats” — just how to use them (and perfect them) — those physical techniques are our physical practice.
I personally find the yoga philosophy particularly practical, especially when practiced with the physical component. But then again, I tell my own stories and live in a different time and place than Patanjali and Siddhartha Gautama, the prince who would become the enlightened one.
“Prince Gautama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: ‘Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.’”
— a Buddhist “joke”, quoted from Matt Caron and from Elephant Journal
Historically speaking, Patanjali was in India compiling the Yoga Sūtras, which outline the 8-Limbed Yoga Philosophy as a way to alleviate current suffering and prevent future suffering, during the Buddha’s lifetime. “I have heard” that Siddhartha Gautama was aware of the Yoga Philosophy, and probably practiced it — but that doesn’t mean he was aware of the yoga sūtras (Sanskrit: “union threads”), simply that he was aware of the lifestyle and the codes of that lifestyle. Perhaps he even had a physical practice.
It is easy to believe that he found the practice helpful when, at 29 years old, he left the palace gates and saw suffering for the first time. In theory, this explains some of the parallels between yoga and Buddhism. It may also help explain why there are so many lists in Buddhism and why the Buddha taught in stories/parables. However, he did not share my sentiment that the yoga philosophy was practical (and accessible).
Remember, different time; different place.
“Furthermore, Subhūti, in the practice of compassion and charity a disciple should be detached. That is to say, he should practice compassion and charity without regard to appearances, without regard to form, without regard to sound, smell, taste, touch, or any quality of any kind. Subhuti, this is how the disciple should practice compassion and charity. Why? Because practicing compassion and charity without attachment is the way to reaching the Highest Perfect Wisdom, it is the way to becoming a living Buddha.”
— The Diamond Sutra (4)
Unfortunately, the caste system in 6th Century India (~563 BCE) prevented some people from practicing Yoga. So, the story goes that the prince sat under the Bodhi tree and was determined to wait there until he awakened to the nature of reality. In some suttas (Pali: “threads”), it says that the Buddha (“the Awakened One”) sat there for an additional seven days. Eventually, at the age of 35, he started teaching from this enlightened state. Some say that he only ever taught about two things: suffering and the end of suffering.
His teachings, which (again) run parallel to those of Patanjali, were codified in the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism and the Noble Eightfold Path. According to the former:
- Suffering exists
- Suffering is caused by attachment, clinging, craving
- There is an end to suffering
- The Noble Eight-fold Path is the way to end suffering
Following these paths includes some sitting… and waiting. What is promised at the end of the sitting and waiting is freedom from suffering. What we find in the middle is hope.
And, also, a celebration: the Buddha’s Birthday.
“By this name it shall be revered and studied and observed. What does this name mean? It means that when the Buddha named it, he did not have in mind any definite or arbitrary conception, and so named it. This Sutra is hard and sharp, like a diamond that will cut away all arbitrary conceptions and bring one to the other shore of Enlightenment.”
— The Diamond Sutra (13)
People celebrate the Buddha’s Birthday in different ways and at different times (depending on which calendar they are using). Some people celebrate the birth of Prince Siddhartha. Others celebrate the enlightenment or awakening of the Buddha. Some people celebrate both. While many of these celebrations occur in May (or even June, during a leap year) one of the birthday celebrations occurs in Japan on April 8th. While it is not a national holiday, it has been a major celebration for some Buddhist people (in Japan) since 1873.
Also known as Kanbutsu-e (Japanese: 灌仏会) or Hanamatsuri (Japanese: 花祭り) “the Flower Festival”, it is a day when some temples hold special ceremonies involving a Chinese tradition of bathing small Buddha statues with Amacha (甘茶) “sweet” “tea”, made from fermented hydrangea leaves, as if they were bathing a newborn baby. The tea is caffeine free, but the leaves contain phyllodulcin, which is “400–800 times sweeter than table sugar [and] 2 times sweeter than saccharin.”
People will also sit and breath — and perhaps contemplate and meditate on the teachings and parables of the Buddha.
“It’s not the case that when there is the view, ‘The soul & the body are the same,’ there is the living of the holy life. And it’s not the case that when there is the view, ‘The soul is one thing and the body another,’ there is the living of the holy life. When there is the view, ‘The soul & the body are the same,’ and when there is the view, ‘The soul is one thing and the body another,’ there is still the birth, there is the aging, there is the death, there is the sorrow, lamentation, pain, despair, & distress whose destruction I make known right in the here & now.”
— quoted from Cula-Malunkyovada Sutta: The Shorter Instructions Malunkya (translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu)
The following is excerpted directly from a 2020 post:
“‘I have heard’ two parables the Buddha used to differentiate between (physical) pain and (mental) suffering. Both parables also point to the ways in which we can alleviate our own suffering.
In one parable, a man is shot with a poisoned arrow. As the poison enters the man’s bloodstream, he is surrounded by people who can and want to help him, to save his life. The problem is that the man wants to know why he was shot. In fact, before the arrow is removed he wants to know why he was shot, by whom he was shot, and all the minutia about the archer and their life. While the information is being gathered, the poison is moving through the man’s body; the man is dying. In fact, the man will die before he has the answers to all his questions.
In another parable, a man is shot by an arrow (no poison this time) and then, in the very next breath, the man is shot by a second arrow. The Buddha explains that the first arrow is physical pain, and we can’t always escape or avoid that. The second arrow, however, is the mental suffering (or pain) that is caused when “the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person sorrows, grieves, & laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught.” How we respond to moments of pain and suffering determines how much more pain and suffering we will endure.”
“And what is declared by me? ‘This is stress,’ is declared by me. ‘This is the origination of stress,’ is declared by me. ‘This is the cessation of stress,’ is declared by me. ‘This is the path of practice leading to the cessation of stress,’ is declared by me. And why are they declared by me? Because they are connected with the goal, are fundamental to the holy life. They lead to disenchantment, dispassion, cessation, calming, direct knowledge, self-awakening, Unbinding. That’s why they are declared by me.
“So, Malunkyaputta, remember what is undeclared by me as undeclared, and what is declared by me as declared.”
— quoted from Cula-Malunkyovada Sutta: The Shorter Instructions Malunkya (translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu)
Click on the excerpt title below and scroll down to “So Much Suffering,” if you are interested in the ways the Buddha and Moses had parallel life experiences and journeys to freedom.
Remember Rachel’s Challenge, Especially When You’re Suffering (the “missing” Wednesday post)
Tuesday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “07142020 Compassion & Peace for Pema”]
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
White Flag is a new app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
### LOKAH SAMASTHAH SUKHINO BHAVANTU ###
A Quick Note & Excerpts About Practicing the R’s July 14, 2024
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Abhyasa, Buddhism, Changing Perspectives, Dharma, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Meditation, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Pema Chodron, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Vairagya, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: 988, Anushka Fernandopulle, attachment, Buddhism, compassion, compassionate abiding, Elephant Journal, loving-kindness, lovingkindness, Matt Caron, Metta, non-attachment, Pema Chödrön, Pema Chodron, shenpa, Shenpa & The Practice of Getting Unhooked, yoga philosophy
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Many blessings to everyone and especially to anyone practicing peace, freedom, and wisdom (inside and outside).
“Somebody says a mean word to you and then something in you tightens — that’s the shenpa. Then it starts to spiral into low self-esteem, or blaming them, or anger at them, denigrating yourself. And maybe if you have strong addictions, you just go right for your addiction to cover over the bad feeling that arose when that person said that mean word to you. This is a mean word that gets you, hooks you. Another mean word may not affect you but we’re talking about where it touches that sore place — that’s a shenpa. Someone criticizes you — they criticize your work, they criticize your appearance, they criticize your child — and, shenpa: almost co-arising.”
— Pema Chödrön
For the record, I am not going to say, practice, teach (or preach) anything I haven’t been teaching, practicing, and saying (or preaching) for years. Maybe I will tweak the phrasing. Maybe you will hear/see/understand things in a special way — thereby gaining new insight. Either way, regardless of all that is happening in the world, it still comes back to this: Sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse.
Yes, sometimes we can do things that make our life and the lives around us better. Sometimes we can write legislation, vote for legislation, and/or vote for people who write and/or vote for legislation that creates more opportunity for peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. Sometimes we can create organizations or work, volunteer, and/or donate to organizations that cultivate peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. There are, however, times when we are too poor — in spirit, heart/courage, skills, and/or material resources — to do anything other than send “thoughts and prayers.”
All that being, I am of the mindset that we can not know what we are able to do and/or what is the best way to respond — rather than react — until we sit down, get still, get quiet, and get honest about our intentions. Once we are grounded and centered, then we can act accordingly. In other words, practice the four R’s:
-
RECOGNIZE (that your buttons have gotten pushed and you have the urge/impulse to react).
-
REFRAIN (from doing anything, especially that knee jerk reaction).
-
RELAX (maybe breathe peace in and breath peace out, or do use a centering prayer).
-
RESOLVE (to move forward with mindfulness and intention).
This is the practice taught by the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, who was born today in 1936. I often add another R (or two):
-
REMEMBER (your intention and why you are doing the thing you are doing).
-
RECOGNIZE (again, that sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse).
You may be thinking, I don’t have time for all that “navel gazing” and introspection. And, yes, there are definitely times that require a quick response. At the same time, if you make this practice a habit, it only takes a split second to engage when you really need it.
CLICK ON THE EXCERPT TITLES BELOW FOR MORE!
“By trying this, we learn exactly where we are open and where we are closed. We learn quickly where we would do well to just practice abiding compassionately with our own confused feelings, before we try to work with other people, because right now our efforts would probably make a bigger mess. I know many people who want to be teachers, or feed the homeless, or start clinics, or try in some way to truly help others. Despite their generous intentions, they don’t always realize that if they plan to work closely with people they may be in for a lot of difficulty—a lot of feeling hooked. The people they hope to help will not always see them as saviors. In fact, they will probably criticize them and give them a hard time. Teachers and helpers of all kinds will be of limited use if they are doing their work to build up their own egos.”
— quoted from “Unlimited Friendliness: Three steps to genuine compassion” (Winter 2009 issue of Tricycle) by Pema Chödrön
Please join me for a 65-minute virtual yoga practice on Zoom today (Sunday, July 14th) at 2:30 PM. Use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below or by emailing myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “07142020 Compassion & Peace for Pema”]
“Prince Guatama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”
— quoted from Matt Caron and from Elephant Journal
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
White Flag is a new app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es).
Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.
### OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTIHI OM ###
Curious About… You (the “missing” Wednesday post) July 18, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Abhyasa, Books, Buddhism, Changing Perspectives, Confessions, Dharma, Faith, Fitness, Gratitude, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Meditation, Music, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Pema Chodron, Philosophy, Religion, Suffering, Vairagya, Vipassana, Wisdom, Women, Writing, Yoga.Tags: Anushka Fernandopulle, Bramaviharas, Buddhism, compassion, Dalai Lama, Elephant Journal, Ernő Rubik, Four R's, lojong, loving-kindness, Matt Caron, peace, Pema Chodron, santosha, Shenpa & The Practice of Getting Unhooked, shoshin, yoga
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[This is the “missing” post for Wednesday, July 14th. You can request an audio recording of Monday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes. If you are using an Apple device/browser and the calendar is no longer loading, please email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com at least 20 minutes before the practice you would like to attend.]
Q: What’s the perfect gift to give a Tibetan Buddhist nun on her birthday?
A: Nothing.
I have more “punny” Buddhist jokes where that came from; however, since some people appreciate seriousness in their practice, I will move it along.
Wednesday was the 85th birthday of the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. About eight years ago, Ani Pema Chödrön, who was born in New York City on July 14, 1936, asked that people observe her birthday by practicing peace. Of course, even if we were to practice in a vacuum, peace requires some compassion and loving-kindness. The practice also requires going a little deeper into our sore spots, our tender spots, our tight and raw spots. You know the spots I mean: those spots people poke and push to get us “hooked.”
“Somebody says a mean word to you and then something in you tightens — that’s the shenpa. Then it starts to spiral into low self-esteem, or blaming them, or anger at them, denigrating yourself. And maybe if you have strong addictions, you just go right for your addiction to cover over the bad feeling that arose when that person said that mean word to you. This is a mean word that gets you, hooks you. Another mean word may not affect you but we’re talking about where it touches that sore place — that’s a shenpa. Someone criticizes you — they criticize your work, they criticize your appearance, they criticize your child — and, shenpa: almost co-arising.”
– Pema Chödrön
We begin each practice with what some might call a prayer, a wish, or a plea for peace. We also begin with a personal intention. Sometimes we breathe peace in and breathe peace out. Every once in a while I remind you to remember your personal intention. Sometimes we even end with a reminder that peace begins within. However, it can be hard to find peace when someone is continuously doing something (to us or around us) that doesn’t feel very peaceful – or loving and kind. Perhaps we can cultivate some softness, some compassion even, when we recognize that the other person is doing their best. But, even then, there are times when we just feel ourselves getting hot under the collar and losing our awareness. That’s what happens when our buttons get pushed: we lose awareness of who we are and what we’re all about. To borrow a metaphor from Anushka Fernandopulle, we get on the “Peace” Train and suddenly find ourselves headed towards, “OMG, I’m So Pissed”ville.
In the process of that journey, we forget our original intention and we forget all about that “peace within us” (let alone that “peace all around us”).
For almost ten years now, I have spent the month of July sharing Pema Chödrön’s teachings around shenpa and the four R’s: Recognize, Refrain, Relax, and Resolve. I like to also add a fifth R: Remember. This is not the only time I share these teachings; however, it is nice to have a dedicated period of time to really focus-concentrate-mediate on the ways we can get “unhooked.” It also coincides nicely with the Dalai Lama’s birthday and, since it’s midway through the year, it’s also a nice time to remind people that what we do on the mat, can translate into practices off the mat.
A lot of times I use examples similar to the very obvious ones in the quote above. However, since we are usually hooked by our ego – and since I recently mentioned the power of familiarity – this week I pointed out that sometimes the really pretty, shiny lure that hides the sharp hook of suffering is actually our habit of doing things a certain way.
Yes, big surprise (and another Buddhist joke in the making) – we get hooked by our attachments.
“If you are curious, you’ll find the puzzles around you. If you are determined, you will solve them.”
– Ernő Rubik
Both Buddhism and the Yoga Philosophy have practices around attachment that involve our belief (sometimes our mistaken belief) that we know something. Maybe we know something is right; maybe we know something is wrong. It doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that we have the belief, we’re attached to the belief, and (therefore) the belief can cause suffering.
Both philosophies encourage us to not only question what we believe, but also to be curious about what we believe, why we believe it, and what’s on the other side of our beliefs. In Zen Buddhism, shoshin (“beginner’s mind”) is the practice of approaching a subject as if for the first time. In Yoga, the second niyamā (internal “observation”) is santoşa which is “contentment.” Both practices require the openness and eagerness to learn that we observe in small children. Both practices cultivate an open-heartedness that, when applied in our relationships, can allow us to be more generous with the attributes of our hearts and less generous with our judgement. Both practices require us to show-up and be present with what is – and both practices give us insight into ourselves.
Imagine, for a moment, that you go to a new yoga class with a new teacher. You’ve been practicing for a while, maybe you even teach or have been through a teacher training – either way, you “know your stuff.” The practice starts in a pose that you would normally practice after you’ve warmed up a bit and the teacher offers no other options. So, depending on the day you’re having, maybe you just go into a modification you know; maybe you struggle to get into the pose the way would if you were warmed up; maybe you ignore the suggestion and go into something else; or maybe you are already so fed up that you leave and that’s the end of that.
But, let’s say you stay. You breathe in. You breathe out. Your body is starting to warm up; your mind is starting to focus and – BOOM, they do it again! They cue something different from what you were expecting (and had already started doing) or something that you and the people around you clearly aren’t safely in a position to practice. And, again, they offer no other options. What do you do?
This could continue through a whole practice. And, to be clear, maybe it’s not the sequence that’s the problem. Maybe they just say things in a way that really grates on your nerves. Maybe they consistently call Downward Facing Dog a resting pose (but it’s a pose you recognize is really challenging). Maybe it’s the fact that they never offer alternative options even though most of the people in the practice are not doing what they are suggesting. Maybe there’s too much philosophy for you, maybe there’s not enough. Maybe their voice reminds you of the person with whom you just had an argument. Ultimately, the nature of the issue doesn’t matter.
What matters is what you do when you’re getting annoyed.
Do you RECOGNIZE that something was happening that didn’t meet your expectations? In other words, do you Recognize that you are getting hooked? If so, do you pause for a moment and – instead of doing the thing you would normally do – REFRAIN from doing anything? Do you just take a breath and RELAX? If so, do you RESOLVE to continue with that relaxation, with that mindfulness, and with that intentionality? Do you REMEMBER why you decided to attend the practice in the first place?
Or do you leave the space, completely annoyed, frustrated, angry, and not at all peaceful?
“The peace that we are looking for is not peace that crumbles as soon as there is difficulty or chaos. Whether we’re seeking inner peace or global peace or a combination of the two, the way to experience it is to build on the foundation of unconditional openness to all that arises. Peace isn’t an experience free of challenges, free of rough and smooth—it’s an experience that’s expansive enough to include all that arises without feeling threatened.”
– quoted from “Unlimited Friendliness: Three steps to genuine compassion” (Winter 2009 issue of Tricycle) by Pema Chödrön
Years ago, I think it was on my 45th birthday, I had plans for a whole day of “wise women.” Even though it wasn’t part of my original plan, it turned out that I was going to be the first “wise woman” in my day, because I agreed to be a guest teacher at a university class on mindfulness. Then I had plans to attend a yoga practice led by one of my favorite teachers, a teacher whose practice inspires me to this day. Finally, I was going to have dinner with a group of some of the wisest women I knew at the time. The university class turned out to be an awesome way to start the day. Then I headed across town for some yoga and encountered a problem; my favorite yoga teacher was nowhere in sight. I figured she just wasn’t at the front desk; so I signed in and got settled, trying not to be too annoyed at the music that was clearly not what my favorite teacher would be playing. I was having one of my best birthdays ever… until the class started and it was being led by someone I wasn’t expecting.
Without going into a lot of detail, I’ll just say that I was “hooked” from the minute the sub said their hello. If you’ve heard me tell this story before you also know that instead of settling in during the integration, I was getting riled up. But then I took a deep breath and reminded myself that there had to be a reason this teacher was at the front of the room. They had to have something to offer. And, if I could let go of my expectations, maybe I would learn something.
Ultimately, the day goes down as one of my favorite days with some of my favorite memories and the birthday rates as one of my favorite celebrations. While I never took from that (substitute) teacher again – and part of me wants to rate it as one of my least favorite classes in almost twenty years of yoga – I definitely got something out of the practice… and it’s something that continues to serve me.
“Always maintain only a joyful mind.”
“Sending and taking should be practiced alternately. These two should ride the breath.
Begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself.”
– quoted from Always Maintain A Joyful Mind: And Other Lojong Teachings on Awaking Compassion and Fearlessness by Pema Chödrön
Every culture and tradition around the world places a certain level of value on the virtues of the heart. In yoga, we find instructions to meditate on the various attributes of the heart. We can also view at least three of the “powers unique to being human” as heart practices. I even think of the physical practice of yoga as a way to prepare the mind-body for those heart practices. In Buddhism, four of the “heart” practices are referred to as the “Divine Abodes” (Brahmavihārās): loving-kindness (maitrī or “mettā), compassion (karuņā), sympathetic or empathetic joy (muditā), and equanimity (upekşā or upekkhā). Again, you find these virtues all over the world; however, what you find in contemplative traditions are the practices to cultivate these innately human powers.
Pema Chödrön’s teachings around the concept of shenpa are just one set of many practices found in Buddhism. In Zen Buddhism, for instance, kōans are statements or stories (sometimes considered riddles or puzzles in a Western mind) used as a form of contemplation (although not always of meditation). Similarly, in Tibetan Buddhism, people use lojong or “mind training” techniques which can be held in the heart and mind during contemplation. To “sit” or even live with a phrase does not require a great deal of “thinking,” but it does require a certain amount of patience and openness. One of the goals, in practicing with such statements, is to let the teaching unfold in the same way the heart opens… in the same way a fist unclenches or a flower unfurls. In the process of these practices, one also discovers more and more about themselves, as well as about the world.
“There’s a common misunderstanding among all human beings who have ever been born on the earth that the best way to live is to try to avoid pain and just try to get comfortable….
A much more interesting, kind, adventurous, and joyful approach to life is to begin to develop our curiosity, not caring whether the object of our inquisitiveness is bitter or sweet. To lead a life that goes beyond pettiness and prejudice and always wanting to make sure that everything turns out on our own terms, to lead a more passionate, full, and delightful life than that, we must realize that we can endure a lot of pain and pleasure for the sake of finding out who we are and what this world is, how we tick and how our world ticks, how the whole thing just is.”
– quoted from “1. Loving-Kindness” in The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness by Pema Chödrön
Wednesday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “07142020 Compassion & Peace for Pema”]
“Prince Guatama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”
– quoted from Matt Caron and from Elephant Journal
Check out last year’s post on this date (and follow the dates for more on the practice)!