Gazing into the Heart, redux…again (a “missing” and “long-lost” post) December 3, 2023

May you be safe and protected / May you be peaceful and happy, during the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence (November 25^th – December 10^th) and on all the other days of your life.

This “missing” post for Sunday, December 3^rd (2023) includes information related to the 2022 practice on this date and a 2021 excerpt (as well as some information from 2014). You can request an audio recording of a related practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.

In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.

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“Not everything that is faced can be changed; but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

— James Baldwin (as quoted from the movie I Am Not Your Negro, directed by Raoul Peck)

Part of what appeals to me about the Yoga Philosophy is that I find it very practical: there are steps and step-by-step progressions. Another thing that has always resonated with me about the Yoga Philosophy is the idea that we all have an inner light and that we can tap into that inner light or (as Patanjali put it in Yoga Sūtra 2.52) uncover the light in a way that removes obstacles. In fact, according to Patanjali’s Yoga Sūtras, focusing on our inner light clears the mind and enables us to utilize the tool of samyama (the combined effort of focus, concentration, and meditation), which leads to all sorts of supernormal abilities. These siddhis (“accomplishments”) or powers include the ability to make oneself invisible (YS 3.21); the ability to see really small things, obstructed things, and things that are far away (YS 3.26); the ability to see those who have reached a higher plane of awareness (YS 3.33); and the ability to know… anything and everything (YS 3.34).

Keep in mind that those are just some of the abilities associated with light!

But, before we go any further into the light, I want to back up a little (as we did in 2022) — in order to better understand what comes next.

Yoga Sūtra 3.19: pratyayasya paracittajñānam

— “By making samyama on the distinguishing marks of another’s body, one obtains knowledge of the nature of the other’s mind.”

Yoga Sūtra 3.20: na ca tatsālambanaṃ tasyāviṣayãbhūtatvāt

— “But not of its contents, because that is not being the object of the samyama.”

Yoga Sūtra 3.35: hṛdaye cittasaṃvit

— “By making samyama on the heart, one gains knowledge of the content of the mind.”

Now, I’m not going to get into the physics, metaphysics, and logistics of the aforementioned supernormal abilities associated with light. Instead, let’s turn our awareness to something we can all do right now: Pay attention to our thoughts, words, and deeds — as well as the thoughts, words, and deeds of others. Because, as I often say, what is in the heart will be in the mind; what is in your mind (your thoughts) will become your words; and your words will precede your actions… which reflect what is in your heart.

Having said all that, again and again, it is really easy to look at what’s happening in the world and see more darkness than light. It’s really easy to think a lot of people are just running around with hearts of darkness — which is a really, super scary thought. However, I don’t completely believe that. Neither do I believe that most people are all sunshine and light. I believe we all have both light and darkness in our hearts.

I also believe that it is important to gaze into the places inside of ourselves where the light becomes the darkness… and the darkness becomes the light. I think that doing so allows us to engage our own light (more than our own darkness) and, also, to better help others engage their own light. Or, at the very least, this practice allows us to better understand why some people seem to consistently engage their shadow selves instead of the brighter parts of themselves.

Of course, we have to do this light (and dark) work mindfully, because…

“146. Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”

— quoted from “Fourth Chapter. Apophthegms and Interludes” in Beyond Good and Evil: Prelude to a Philosophy of the Future by Friedrich Nietzsche

The following includes (revised) excerpts which were originally posted in 2021 and some new content. If you are interested in the original context, please click here for the post entitled “First Friday Night Special #14: ‘What’s at the Edge of Your Light?’”

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”

— Anna Freud, psychoanalyst and teacher

Many people might think of Anna Freud (born December 3, 1895) as living in her father’s shadow. Really, as the youngest of six, some might think that she lived in her whole family’s shadow. It’s possible that being in everyone’s shadow gave her the perspective needed to see possibilities for other children. Either way, she didn’t stay in the shadows for long. She made a name for herself — first as a primary (or elementary) school teacher and then as a psychoanalyst. Her work as a psychoanalyst was slightly different from that of her illustrious father. She focused on the functions and benefits of a healthy ego and was able to parlay her experience in as an educator to become one of the pioneers of child psychology.

In her late twenties, Anna Freud presented a paper to the Vienna Psychoanalytical Society and then became a member. Within a year of joining the society, she was serving as its chairperson and had established her own practice (for children). In 1925, she started teaching her techniques and approach at the Vienna Psychoanalytic Training Institute. In 1927, she published her system. She spent nine years as the Secretary of the Vienna Psychoanalytic Training Institute and then, ten years after she started teaching, she became the institute’s director. A year later, in 1936, she published her groundbreaking study, The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defence, which postulated the ways by which humans protect themselves. Her ideas around these methods — including repression (which she said develop naturally and unconsciously in children); projection (of one’s own feelings onto another); directing aggressive behavior towards one’s self; identification with an overpowering aggressor; and divorcing ideas from feelings — became one of the cornerstones of adolescent psychology.

After the Nazi’s annexed Austria in March of 1938, Anna Freud was interrogated by the Gestapo. Being a Jewish woman and an intellectual, she had good reason to fear the worst and was prepared to protect herself using one of the same methods she had described in her work. She was eventually allowed to return home and, when her father was offered a way out of Vienna, she organized the Freud family’s immigration to London. In England, she not only continued her work, she broadened it. First she focused on the effects of war on children and their development. Later, after she had spent some time traveling and lecturing in the United States, she broadened her horizons and began studying the effects of being emotionally and/or social deprived and/or disadvantaged. She also did some work around how crime affected children’s development and published her collaborations with regard to laws and policies that could help children thrive.

“When she was eighty-five, a depressed young man sent her a lament about the chaotic state of the world, and she sent him a succinct statement of her credo: ‘I agree with you wholeheartedly that things are not as we would like them to be. However, my feeling is that there is only one way to deal with it, namely to try and be all right oneself, and to create around one at least a small circle where matters are arranged as one wants them to be.’”

— quoted from “Preface to the First Edition” of Anna Freud: A Biography (second edition) by Elisabeth Young-Bruehl

Just as was the case during Anna Freud’s lifetime, the world is in a chaotic state and “‘…things are not as we would like them to be.’” While many have created the small circle she suggested, it gets harder and harder as people get more and more isolated, siloed, and marginalized. In some ways, taking her suggestion begins to highlight the edge of the light… which is also the edge of the darkness. It does not, in and of itself, however, spread the light — neither does it prevent the darkness from spreading. For that we have to look at cause and effect.

We can absolutely look back and see how we got here. However, I think it is also important (and necessary) to look at where we are in order to see where we are going — especially when we find ourselves heading into the darkness. Maybe we find ourselves engaging our shadow self and the darkness inside of our own heart and mind, because someone pushes our buttons (and/or physically pushes us) and we feel like we must defend ourselves. Maybe, instead of fear or anger, it is doubt or grief that distracts us from our own light.

Either way, there are a lot of situations (and people) in the world that activate our sympathetic nervous system, compelling us to fight, flee, or freeze/collapse. One of the things of which we must be mindful is when we go from instinctual actions related to survival — including those highlighted by Anna Freud — to actions that are more related to our darkness than our light.

“Darkness. Few things frighten us more. The fear it creates is a constant in our existence: The living darkness of our bedrooms after our parents turn out the lights. The pregnant darkness beyond the glow of the bonfire as we listen to ‘spooky’ stories. The ancient darkness of the forest as we walk past deep shadows between trees. The shivering darkness of our own home when we step inside wondering if we’re alone.

Darkness is a fundamental, existential fear because it contains all the fears that we carry with us in our brains — fears both real and imagined, engendered from living life and from the life lived in stories, from culture, from fairytales.”

— quoted from “Chapter 9. Celebrate Doubt” in Deviate: The Science of Seeing Differently by Beau Lotto 

As you consider your light — and what it symbolizes — you must also consider the dark. After all, we don’t really appreciate the light, until we contrast it with the dark. During a 2021 class I shared a little fear I experienced driving my old truck in the city (where there were so many bright lights that I couldn’t see my own headlights) and how that fear was, ironically, alleviated, when I was driving in the country where there were less cars and street lights. It’s a weird scenario, I know; but in the latter case I had a better understanding of my reference points, a better (and more consistent) understanding of where the light ended and the darkness began. You can think of it as a better understanding of the safety of what is known/seen versus the danger of what is unknown/unseen.

This holds true with all the different paradigms: good and evil, life and death, love and hate, knowledge and ignorance, kindness and anger/frustration, hope and despair, wisdom and fear; etc. We appreciate what we have more when there is the possibility of not having it. However, we can’t truly appreciate what we don’t have (or can’t see ourselves having).

Another way to look at this idea is vis-à-vis proprioception. Remember, when the “brain finds the body in space” and realizes it has more room, it stretches out. When the mind-body bumps into an obstacle, it pulls back. Similar to the defense mechanisms described by Anna Freud, when we are faced with the danger that we perceive as failure (or other people’s judgements), we pull back.

When we feel safe, we shine. However, when we only feel safe in a small sphere, our understanding of ourselves and our light (including our potential) changes. So, too, does that narrow frame change our understanding of others (and their light).

“‘Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing life is – that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it is some knowledge of yourself – that comes too late – a crop of inextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with death. It is the most unexciting contest you can imagine. It takes place in an impalpable greyness, with nothing underfoot, with nothing around, without spectators, without clamour, without glory, without the great desire of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly atmosphere of tepid scepticism, without much belief in your own right, and still less in that of your adversary. If such is the form of ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than some of us think it to be.’”

— the character Charles Marlow speaking of Kurtz’s death in Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Born Józef Teodor Konrad Korzeniowski in Berdychiv, Russian Empire (in what is now Ukraine, but was originally part of the Crown of the Kingdom of Poland) in 1857, Joseph Conrad was known as “Konrad” by his Polish family. If you look at his family history, you might think that he was fated (or destined) to be a writer. Given the cultural interactions and socio-political clashes that he experienced growing up, perhaps he was even destined to write the dark plots and twisted characters that are found in his novellas. His dark plots and twisted characters are often the subject of criticism and debate* and sometimes analyzed through a (Sigmund) Freudian lens. Personally, I wonder what Anna Freud might have said about how his experiences informed his topics; but she was only three when the Heart of Darkness was serialized in Blackwood’s Magazine (February, March, and April of 1899) and only five when the last portion of Lord Jim appeared in the same magazine.

When Anna Freud said, “Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training,” she could have easily been talking about the “Prince of Darkness,” John Michael “Ozzy” Osbourne. Born in December 3, 1948, the lead singer of Black Sabbath has a reading disorder, was abused as a child, dropped out of school at 15, spent some prison (as a young man), and discovered late in life that he was suffering from an undiagnosed central nervous system disorder. He worked at a variety of trades, but was inspired to be a singer at a very young age. Despite (or maybe because of) his childhood trauma, he persevered. But, there was a cost and a toll and a lot of darkness that played out in the music and on the stage. That cost, toll, and darkness have included years of substance abuse, mixed in with periods of sobriety, and criticism about how his music and behavior have (negatively) impacted young people. That criticism has included him being banned from certain cities and several lawsuits related to death and violence that people have attributed to his music.

“People look to me and say
Is the end near, when is the final day?
What’s the future of mankind?
How do I know, I got left behind

Everyone goes through changes
Looking to find the truth
Don’t look at me for answers
Don’t ask me, I don’t know”

— quoted from the song “I Don’t Know” by Ozzy Osbourne

At the end of the day, each of us to focus on our own inner light; figure out how we show up shine in the world; notice the situations that enable us to shine our brightest; and also notices “what’s at the edge of [our] light.” There are a few more questions in this rubric, but consider how the answers start pointing you in certain directions. Notice how the questions and their answers can start opening up your field of possibilities.

Sometimes it may seem like you are wearing a head lamp (or heart lamp) and you’re moving in a way that changes your field of awareness. And that’s fine, that happens — it’s part of life and part of the practice. But, sometimes, we experience a brightening and a widening of our field. Sometimes we find that what we couldn’t imagine was actually just outside our field of vision: It was always there, waiting for us.

Yes, eventually, what is waiting for us all is Death. But, prior to that, there is an opportunity, “one tiny moment in time / For life to shine to shine / Burn away the darkness /”

“An old woman living in a nightmare, an old woman who has fought a thousand battles with death and always won. Now she’s faced with a grim decision—whether or not to open a door. And in some strange and frightening way she knows that this seemingly ordinary door leads to the Twilight Zone.”

“There was an old woman who lived in a room. And, like all of us, was frightened of the dark. But who discovered in a minute last fragment of her life that there was nothing in the dark that wasn’t there when the lights were on. Object lesson for the more frightened amongst us in, or out of, the Twilight Zone.”

— “Opening” and “Closing” narrations, quoted from “Episode 81 (3.16) — ‘Nothing in the Dark’” of The Twilight Zone (premiered January 5, 1962)

Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “12032022 Gazing into the Heart, redux”]

*NOTE: As I mentioned in 2014 (see asterisked link above), Joseph Conrad wrote his short novel after his own experiences in Africa in the late 1800’s and while his own words best describe the world he sees, I think the world he sees is the world in his own heart.

I initially resisted the book and the birthday, in part because literary greats like Chinua Achebe criticize Conrad and his work as racist and xenophobic — and I don’t think there’s any way to get around that. Neither did I want to seem to celebrate a depiction of racism given currents events in Ferguson, Missouri and around the United States in 2014. However, Dr. Peter Mwikisa said Heart of Darkness can be “…the great lost opportunity to depict dialogue between Africa and Europe…” and that made me wonder: Are we, right now, losing an opportunity for dialogue in the U. S.? As I asked in 2014, are we just not ready for dialogue?

Or, is it possible that we have made our circles too small to dialogue?

“‘Did he live his life again in every detail of desire, temptation, and surrender during that supreme moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a whisper at some image, some vision – he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath:

“‘” The horror! The horror!’

“I blew the candle out and left the cabin….”

— the character Charles Marlow describing Kurtz’s death in Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

### Be The Light ###