Quick Reflections on Friendship (a 9-minute post-practice Monday post, with excerpt) June 17, 2024

“Eid Mubarak, Blessed Festival!” to anyone celebrating Eid al-Adha. Happy Pride! Many blessings to everyone and especially to anyone celebrating the Afterfeast of the Ascension cultivating a good heart, peace, freedom, and wisdom (inside and outside).

This is a post-practice post related to the practice on Monday, June 17^th. It includes an excerpt from a related 2020 post and a note about the observation of Eid al-Adha. The 2024 prompt question was, “How long is your longest, ongoing friendship?” You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.

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“Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.”

— quoted from the poem “The New Colossus” by Emma Lazarus

I have heard that the Buddha described sangha (“community”) as one of the three jewels; in other words, it is something of great value. In Yoga and Sāmkhya, two of the six Indian philosophies, the ability to “cultivate a good heart” (i.e., make friends) is so valued it is considered a great power that all humans possess. It is something within us and all around us, something we carry with us.

The excerpt below is from a 2020 post about friendship. If you click on the link (here or below), you will find that I shined some light on causes and conditions that can lead to friendship, as well as several examples of how people have expressed friendship. Notably, the highlighted expressions or tokens of friendship — the Statue of Liberty (which arrived in New York on June 17, 1885) and the moment when Mbuyisa Makhubo and an unknown woman helped Antoinette Sithole after her 12-year old brother Hector Pieterson was killed during the Soweto uprising (June 16 – 18, 1976) — involved strangers.

Even though most of the people involved never met or, in some cases, never met in a way that allowed their friendship to blossom, we can still feel the strength of their bonds. Because, as I mentioned in the blog post, “What initially connects people is on the outside…. What keeps people connected, however, is on the inside.”

“What is on the inside is something that can only be felt. It doesn’t always have an external reference point. Yes, we can see an expression of love, a token of friendship, and understand it from our own experiences. However, when we see a parent and a child hugging, or even two children hugging, we don’t exactly know what they are feeling. We can only know how we have felt in similar circumstances.”

CLICK HERE for the 2020 post entitled, “LIFT YOUR LIGHT, LET YOUR POWER SHINE!”

Some people would say that the feeling I’m referencing in that excerpt is something divine, something that requires faith. Some folks might even say that that same feeling — and a similar kind of faith — allows them to think of God as a the ultimate friend, someone who is always there and who offers tokens of friendship on a daily basis. If you count yourself in that number, the question then becomes, how do you express your friendship with God? How do others express their friendship with the Divine?

“Cause I can believe
In the in-between
What can’t be said
And only seen
When you close your eyes
And open your heart
And everything you know
Just falls apart”

— quoted from the song “God is My Friend” by Bob Schneider

There is a story in the Hebrew Bible / the Christian Old Testament and in the Qur’ān, that is also referenced in the Christian New Testament. It is the story of Abraham and the Akedah or “Binding of Isaac (or Ishmael).” Growing up, I learned the very basics of the story from a (mostly) Christian perspective. That is to say, in some Christian traditions, it is a prefigured prequel to story of Jesus and a story about temptation, Abraham’s faith and devotion to God, and how the faithful are reward. As a kid, however, something about the story always seemed off to me. So, as an adult, when I first heard about Eid al-Adha (which started at sunset on Sunday night), I kind of dismissed it. It still seemed off to me.

Going a little deeper, however, I discovered a couple of things I was not taught — and/or did not understand — as a child. First, some biblical scholars (in all traditions) indicate that everyone in the story (save for the son, in some version) knew there would not be a human sacrifice. Or, I should say, God and the angel knew and Abraham had faith. According to these same scholars, the story is more about Abraham’s willingness to follow a commandment than it is about the actual intention to sacrifice his son. Second, the story might have been a cautionary tale against human sacrifice. Finally, there are some significant differences in the way the story appears in Bereshit / Genesis versus the way it appears in the Qur’ān.

First, the Torah / Christian Old Testament does not indicate exactly how God spoke to Abraham and/or how Abraham knew the message came from God (versus the devil that tempted him to do the wrong thing). Second, the text (almost) makes it sound as if Abraham was lying to his son — which is one of the things that always felt really off to me. Another thing that felt off to me was that the son in the New Testament (Jesus) knew his role in the story, while the son in Genesis did not… at least in the Christian tradition.

“…[Ibrahim] said: O my son! surely I have seen in a dream that I should sacrifice you; consider then what you see. He said: O my father! do what you are commanded; if Allah please, you will find me of the patient ones.”

— quoted from Sūrah as-Saffat (“Chapter of Those Who Set the Ranks” or “The Rangers” / Portion 37 of the Qur’ān”) 102

As quoted above, the Sūrah as-Saffat makes it very clear that the messages came to Abraham in his dreams. There is also a very clear conversation between the father and the son. That conversation established consent and, also, reinforces the idea that the story is as much about the faith of the father as it is about the faith of the son. In the Qur’ān, it is the faith of the father and the son that is emphasized and, also, celebrated. It is celebrated on Eid al-Adha, which started at sunset on Sunday (June 16^th) and is observed in some countries through June 20, 2024.

In addition to a special prayer, there is (obviously) a feast, a ritual sacrifice (of a sheep or other livestock), and symbolic stoning of the devil. There is also extra alms giving, similar to the extra charity given during the holy month of Ramadān and Eid al-Fitr. The extra alms during this particular eid (“feast” or “festival”) have a particularly special significance since a third of the meat from the livestock is given to family and friends and a third is given to the poor. Eid al-Adha also marks the end of the Hajj (“pilgrimage”) in Mecca. The alms giving and the pilgrimage are two of the Five Pillars of Islām — which make up the framework of worship and signs of faith. In other words, they are tokens or expressions of ones devotion, respect, and affection.

FRIEND [Old English, with Germanic origin; related to Dutch and German words “to love,” also related to “free”] 1. One who is attached to another by affection; one who entertains for another sentiments of esteem, respect and affection, which lead him to desire his company, and to seek to promote his happiness and prosperity; opposed to foe or enemy.

“FRIEND’SHIP, noun frend’ship. 1. An attachment to a person, proceeding from intimate acquaintance, and a reciprocation of kind offices, or from a favorable opinion of the amiable and respectable qualities of his mind. friendship differs from benevolence, which is good will to mankind in general, and from that love which springs from animal appetite. True friendship is a noble and virtuous attachment, springing from a pure source, a respect for worth or amiable qualities. False friendship may subsist between bad men, as between thieves and pirates. This is a temporary attachment springing from interest, and may change in a moment to enmity and rancor.”

— quoted from Webster’s Dictionary 1828

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If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

White Flag is a new app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.

If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).

“‘Take this story to heart,’ Rabbi Bunam used to add, ‘and make what it says your own: There is something you cannot find anywhere in the world, not even at the zaddik’s [home of a righteous person], and there is, nevertheless, a place where you can find it.’”

“There is something that can only be found in one place. It is a great treasure, which may be called the fulfilment of existence. The place where this treasure can be found is the place on which one stands.”

— quoted from “VI. Here Where One Stands” in The Way of Man: According to the Teaching of Hasidim by Martin Buber

ERRATA: I originally posted this with the wrong end date for the Soweto uprising.

### LOVE ONE ANOTHER ###