Understanding, as a tool (a “missing” Sunday post) March 13, 2023

Many blessings to all, and especially to those observing Lent, Great Lent, and the Baháʼí 19-Day Fast during this “Season for Non-violence” and all other seasons!

This is the “missing” post for Sunday, March 5^th (which includes some quotes used on March 12^th). There was no Saturday class last week; however, I secretly snuck in a bit of what would have been Saturday’s theme. You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.

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“People who are good at understanding others are usually good listeners. We can fall into the trap of so earnestly wanting to get our point across, we forget to listen to the person we are speaking to. During your conversations today, instead of letting words go in one ear and out the other, take time to hear what the other person is saying.”

– quoted from the “Action for Teens” section of “ Day 35 ~ March 5th ~ Understanding” of the “Season for Non-violence,” provided by the Mahatma Gandhi Canadian Foundation for World Peace

How well do you understand yourself? For that matter, how well do you understand the people around you – especially those you love? Additionally, how much time and effort do you put into understanding yourself and/or the people around you (every time you inhale, every time you exhale)?

As I mentioned in the “ First Friday Night Special” post, I didn’t immediately click (literally or figuratively) on the fact that each of the themes provided by the Mahatma Gandhi Canadian Foundation for World Peace during the “Season for Non-violence” is connected to a resource page full of quotes, reflections, meditations, and thought-exercises. Although the themes are inspired by the lives and work of Mohandas Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. (whose assassination dates mark the beginning and end of the “Season for Non-violence”), the resource pages reference many others and can be used by individuals and/or groups.

I love that the resources help people better understand how each nonviolent principle can be “…a powerful way to heal, transform, and empower our lives and communities.” Last week, after I had to cancel Saturday’s Zoom practice, I also really appreciated how closely the March 4^th theme (“love”) aligned with the March 5^th theme (“understanding”) – especially when considered in the context of the lives and work of Mahatma Gandhi and Reverend King. They also can be closely aligned when viewed through a Yoga lens, which reinforces the fact that the process of gaining understanding about oneself is already a big part of the Yoga Philosophy.

Gaining understanding about oneself is, quite obviously, the point of  svādhyāya (“self-study”), which is the fourth niyamā (internal “observation”) and the second key element of kriyā yoga (“union in action”), as defined by Patanjali in Yoga Sūtra 2.1. The very first siddhi (“power”) described as “unique to being human” is uha, which is “knowledge without doubt, clear understanding, intuitive knowledge.” That ability is inextricably connected to several of the other five – including adhyayana (“study, analyze, and comprehend”). Furthermore, in the third section of the Yoga Sūtras, Patanjali described what sometimes sounds like “Jedi Knight tricks” – including the ability to understand all sounds uttered by any creature (i.e., all languages) (YS 3.17). Finally, towards the end of the sūtras, the culmination of all the powers is described as “the cloud of virtue” or the “cloud of clarity.”

Yet, throughout the sūtras, there are reminders that the achievements and abilities found in the practice can be obstacles to the ultimate objective of the practice. They become obstacles when we forget that they are part of the practice, steps along the way; and not the ultimate goals in-and-of-themselves. Some of the commentary surrounding the siddhis (“powers”) also reinforces the fact that every part of the practice is connected to self awareness. In other words, that part of the practice is training ourselves to be more aware of ourselves and more conscious of what informs our thoughts, words, and deeds.

“The point here is not to manipulate other people through some sort of mind control. The value is in seeing the way that your own mind is affected by the presented thoughts from others, along with the insights about the other mind from which they are being projected. From that we can deal with our own mental conditioning in response to that which might otherwise control our own actions, speech, and thoughts.” 

– quoted from the commentary on Yoga Sūtra 3.19 by Swami Jnaneshvara Bharati (as posted on SwamiJ.com)

When we cultivate the skills needed to understand why we act, react, and respond the way we do; we are also opening up to the possibility of understanding why others act, react, and respond the way they do. I say that we open up to that possibility, because (as one of my sister-in-laws has reminded me on more than one occasion) “there are some things that may not be for us to understand.” So, the question becomes: Are you willing to make the effort?

Just making the effort to open up can give us insight into ourselves and can also change the way we interact with people whose behavior seems unfathomable to us. Being open to considering where someone is coming from – and how it is similar or different from where we are coming from – means that we show up with a little more empathy, maybe even a little more compassion. It may mean that we can have a conversation with someone, rather than an argument. It does not mean that we condone bad behavior, nor does it mean that we change someone’s opinion – because, again, it is not about manipulation. However, it can mean that there is just a little less (violent) conflict in a world that is already overflowing with conflict. That moment with less (violent) conflict means there is a little more peace in the world…. It can also mean there is a little more love – especially if we use our power of “understanding” as a tool of nonviolence and a tool of love.

“Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men. It is the refusal to defeat any individual. When you rise to the level of love, of its great beauty and power, you seek only to defeat evil systems. Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system, you love, but you seek to defeat the system.”

– quoted from “Loving Your Enemies” sermon at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church by Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. (11/17/1957)

As a simple thought-exercise, take a moment to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Imagine their heart and their scars; imagine their loves and their losses, their triumphs and their pains. When we do this thought-exercise, we may fall into the trap of thinking, “Well, I would never do what they did.” But, that’s a trap for two reasons. First, we don’t always know how we would react or respond to a situation until we are actually in it. Second, when we initial do this though-exercise we may only do it from our own perspective – which is a great first step in practicing svādhyāya. Then, however, we have to strip away our “whys” and consider that what we would do (or not do) is based on our past experiences – our saṃskāras (mental “impressions”) and our  vāsanās (the “dwelling places” of our habits).

Our past experiences have informed our hearts and hard-wired our brains to react and respond in a certain way. That other person, has different experiences, different mental impressions, different habits, different heart information, and different neural pathways (mentally speaking). We can grow up with someone, live in the same home, go to the same schools, share similar likes and dislikes – and still see/understand a shared experience in different ways; which means we have different takeaways. So, to really do the work, we have to be willing to let go of what we know and step into the unknown. We have to acknowledge the things that make us who we are and, therefore, make us see and comprehend (or not) the way we do. Then we have to be willing to not just consider what our view would be if we were sitting on the other side of the divide, but also what our view would be if we were actually the other person sitting on the side of the divide.

Again, this is a basic thought-exercise. It is relatively simple and easy to do when we are considering the viewpoint of a stranger. How willing are you, however, to engage in the same philosophical query when it comes to someone who has hurt you? Maybe the injury was physical; maybe it was a mental and emotional insult. Maybe it was all of the above. The hurt could come from disappointment – and, maybe it was unintentional on their part; just negligent. Or, the hurt could come from a very deliberate and malicious intentional action. Then there’s everything in between. Additionally, it’s possible that the hurt we feel makes it harder to put ourselves in their shoes. Then things get a little more complicated (and interesting) when we consider that the people we love the most (and that we believe are supposed to love us the most) are the ones that can hurt us the most.

Then, we have to go a little deeper into our understanding of love.

“The Greek language comes out with another word for love. It is the word agape, and agape is more than eros. Agape is more than philia. Agape is something of the understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill for all men. It is a love that seeks nothing in return. It is an overflowing love; it’s what theologians would call the love of God working in the lives of men. And when you rise to love on this level, you begin to love men, not because they are likeable, but because God loves them. You look at every man, and you love him because you know God loves him. And he might be the worst person you’ve ever seen.”

– quoted from “Loving Your Enemies” sermon at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church by Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. (11/17/1957)

 Love is energy. Some people even see it as a currency. We can also look at love as tool (or a map) that leads to understanding – just as we can look at understanding as a tool we can use to express (or invest) love. Viewing “love” and “understanding” as synonyms, and/or as tools and the work of those tools, gives us the ability to turn every potential conflict into a moment of nonviolence. One of the first steps in this endeavor is remember that our human tendency to segment and label love-energy can diminish our experience of it, while simultaneously increasing our experience of suffering. This labeling can also cause us to forget (or not realize) that everyone wants and deserves to be loved. Remembering the very human desire to love and be loved – to belong – can help us understand that sometimes people make bad decisions in an effort to make a connection.

For example, depending on our individual experiences, we may not understand why someone joins a gang or a group that seems to continuously spew hatred. If, however, we consider that desire to love and be loved – and the accompanying desires to belong and be accepted – we may find that an individual who is not being accepted by one part of their community will seek that acceptance elsewhere. They may find it in a group that essentially says, “Hey, we will accept you… as long as you believe what we believe (or say you do) and do the things we want you to do.” And while those conditions may seem abhorrent and unacceptable to some, consider this: Unconditional love is very rare in modern society; we just don’t always know the conditions. Gangs, cults, and hate groups have very specific (known) conditions. They’re just not always viewed as conditions. Neither are they initially recognized as the causes and conditions of suffering.

“Everyone you ever knew who told you that they would keep you safe as long as you behaved were already hurting you.”

– Brennan Lee Mulligan (as the Beast) in College Humor’s “Dimension 20: Neverafter” campaign

People’s bad decisions, just like their good decisions, are based on previous experiences. We can look at this on a very personal, individual level and also on a community level. Either consideration gives us an opportunity to step back and gain some insight (i.e., understanding) about our sore spots.

We all have sore spots. When someone pokes them – or when we think someone is going to poke them – it is natural to go on the defensive. We may experience anger, fear, sadness, or all of the above. In certain situations we may feel the need/desire to fight, flee, or freeze/collapse. What we seldom feel when someone is poking our sore spot(s) is tolerance. Even if we start off being patient and searching for understanding, enough pokes will make most of us want to poke back. Then we are off to the races… the “let’s see who can hurt whom the most” races.

“Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.”

– attributed to Mahatma Gandhi

Despite what we may think in the moment, there is almost never a winner in situations where everyone is pushing everyone else’s buttons. Everybody loses… and walks away with more sore spots. We also walk away with more reasons to react to situations without thinking through why we are reacting the way we are and the ramifications of our thoughts, words, and deeds. If, however, we take a step back and turn inward, we engage the opportunity to overcome our sore spots and our egos. We take advantage of the opportunity to engage loving-kindness and understanding.

There are several practices that help us turn inward during challenging times. I often recommend the “4 R’s” (Recognize, Refrain, Relax, Resolve) as taught by Ani Pema Chödrön – and often throw in an extra R or two: specifically, to Remember why you are doing what you are doing. Other, similar, practices all provide the opportunity to gain more understanding of oneself and can also help us to better understand the people and the situations around us. These practices can also help us understand how our actions can contribute to peace in the world. This is the understanding Mahatma Gandhi had when he first experienced racism in South Africa – and that understanding led to his life’s work.

“He was not just a separate, physical creature; he saw that he – and, crucially, every other human being – was essentially spiritual, with ‘strength [that] does not come from physical capacity [but] from an indomitable will.’

After this first instinctive ‘holding on to Truth,’ Gandhi turned inward. He had met injustice; it degraded everyone, but everyone accepted it: How could he change himself to help everyone involved see more clearly? Somehow, dimly at first, but with increasing sureness, he had already grasped that a person can be an ‘instrument of peace,’ a catalyst of understanding, by getting himself out of the way.”

– quoted from “The Transformation” section of “Preface to the Vintage Spiritual Classics Edition” as published in The Essential Gandhi: An Anthology of his Writings on his Life, Work, and Ideas, edited by Louis Fischer, preface by Eknath Easwaran

“This, then, is the second crucially important principle that we discover in Gandhi. Contrary to what has been thought in recent centuries in the West, the spiritual or interior life is not an exclusively private affair. (In reality, the deepest and most authentic Western traditions are at one with those of the East on this point.) The spiritual life of one person is simply the life of all manifesting itself in him. While it is very necessary to emphasize the truth that as the person deepens his own thought in silence he enters into a deeper understanding of and communion with the spirit of his people (or of his Church), it is also important to remember that as he becomes engaged in the crucial struggles of his people in seeking justice and truth in himself by seeking justice and truth together with his brother, he tends to liberate the truth in himself by seeking true liberty for all.”

– quoted from “II. Introduction: Gandhi and the One-Eyed Giant” by Thomas Merton as published in Gandhi on Non-Violence: Selected Texts from Mohandas K. Gandhi’s Non-Violence in Peace and War, Edited by Thomas Merton, Preface by Mark Kurlansky

We are all connected in multiple ways. To paraphrase e e cummings, we carry each other inside of ourselves. Ironically, sometimes we need to take a step back in order to truly recognize and honor our connections. The example I often use in the practice is to recognize that even if we don’t take a physical bind (on the outside) our arms and hands are still connected. They are connected through our hearts and through our minds. Similarly, if we have a pain on one side of our body, we may be so focused on the presenting pain that we fail to notice how the hurting part is connected to the other parts. When we understand the connections, however, we may be able to reduce (or even eliminate) future harm and suffering.

“When you understand, you cannot help but love. You cannot get angry. To develop understanding, you have to practice looking at all living beings with the eyes of compassion. When you understand, you love. And when you love, you naturally act in a way that can relieve the suffering of people.”

– quoted from “2. The Three Gems” in Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh, forward by Jane Goodall, illustrated by Mayumi Oda

The physical example above can also be applied to interpersonal situations. When we understand how we work (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and energetically) we can be more present and more intentional/mindful. This is true on an individual level and also on a community level. Ultimately, it also brings us back to one of the original questions: How much time and effort do you put into understanding yourself and/or the people around you?

Would you be willing to put in the same amount of time that professional trapeze artists put into their art?

There is beauty, athleticism, and risk involved every time people fly through the air. There also must be some level of understanding about how everyone and everything works. Finally, there must be trust/faith. There must be trust/faith between the artists and also between the artists and all of the technicians and support crew. Then, too, there is trust between everyone and the audience – because we are all connected. We may not always be consciously aware of the connections and we may not always (consciously) understand how those connections work. However, the beauty is magnified when we respect and honor those connections. Our esteem rises when we understand all that it takes to put on the show.

Life is very much the same.

“mortals)
climbi
           ng i
           nto eachness begi
           n
dizzily
             swingthings
of speeds of
trapeze gush somersaults
open  ing
                   hes shes”

– quoted from the poem “[‘mortals…’]” by e e cummings

Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “10142020 ‘I carry you in my heart’”]

“i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)”

– quoted from the poem “[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]” by e e cummings

Corrections: During the practice, I accidently attributed the Eknath Easwaran quote to Thomas Merton. I also used a quote often attributed to Albert Einstein (“Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.”); however, I could not confirm an original source.

### UNDERSTAND LOVE ###