Who’s Afraid of Breathing? January 26, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in "Impossible" People, Abhyasa, Art, Books, Changing Perspectives, Depression, Dharma, Food, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, Movies, Mysticism, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Vairagya, Vipassana, Wisdom, Women, Writing, Yoga.Tags: bandhas, Haţha Yoga Pradipika, mental health, Michael Cunningham, Pancham Sinh, siddhis, The Air I Breathe, Virginia Woolf
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[This is the post for Monday, 12521 – another palindrome practice! You can request an audio recording of this practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support the center and its teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es).) Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.]
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.]
“surājye dhārmike deśe subhikṣhe nirupadrave |
dhanuḥ pramāṇa-paryantaṃ śilāghni-jala-varjite |
ekānte maṭhikā-madhye sthātavyaṃ haṭha-yoghinā || 12 ||
The Yogī should practise [sic] Haṭha Yoga in a small room, situated in a solitary place, being 4 cubits square, and free from stones, fire, water, disturbances of all kinds, and in a country where justice is properly administered, where good people live, and food can be obtained easily and plentifully.”
– quoted from “Chapter 1. On Āsanas” of the Haţha Yoga Pradipika, translated by Pancham Sinh (1914)
“… a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction…”
– quoted from the essay “A Room of One’s Own,” as it appears in A Room of One’s Own And, Three Guineas by Virginia Woolf
In October 1928, Virginia Woolf gave two speeches to two different student societies at Newnham College and Girton College, which at the time were two of the all-women colleges at the University of Cambridge. (NOTE: Newnham is still an all-women’s college. Girton started accepting men in 1971 and started allowing men to be “Mistress,” or head of the college, in 1976.) The speeches were about women and fiction – and specifically detailed why there were so few women writers who had earned acclaimed (and, to certain degree, why those that did often did so anonymously or with “male” names). She also highlighted the absurd trichotomy between the two wildly archetypical way women are portrayed in literature and the reality of the very different types of women in the room, let alone in the world.
Born Virginia Stephen in Kensington, England, today in 1882, Ms. Woolf speculated about the works that might have come from a woman (say, in Shakespeare’s time) who had a helpmate to take care of the cooking, cleaning, children, and other household business. She also talked about the social constraints that not only prevented a woman from devoting copious time to the practical application of her craft, writing, but also the social constraints and inequalities that could result in what would amount to writer’s block. All this, she detailed, even before she addressed the issue of a market place predisposed to highlight male writers – and she introduced her ideas by establishing two (really three) of the things a woman would need to overcome the obstacles of society: (time), space, and money.
When I first started going deeper into my physical practice of yoga, I looked into some of the classic texts within the tradition. One of those texts was the Haţha Yoga Pradipika (Light on the Physical Practice of Yoga), a 15th Century text that focuses on āsanas (“seats” or poses), prāņāyāma (breath awareness and control), mudrās (“seals” or “gestures”), and Samādhi (that ultimate form of “meditation” that is absorption). Throughout the text, and in particular in the chapter on mudrās, there is a breakdown of how energy, power, or vitality moves through the body and the benefits of harnessing that power.
I would eventually appreciate how the text is almost a summary of the earlier Yoga Sūtras, but (as an English lit major), what struck me first was how similar these early instructions, on a practice that can be used to cultivate clarity and harness the power of the mind, were to Virginia Woolf’s advice to women writers – about cultivating clarity and harnessing the power of the mind.
“athāsane dṝdhe yoghī vaśī hita-mitāśanaḥ |
ghurūpadiṣhṭa-mārgheṇa prāṇāyāmānsamabhyaset || 1 ||
Posture becoming established, a Yogî, master of himself, eating salutary and moderate food, should practise [sic] Prâṇâyâma, as instructed by his guru.”
– quoted from “Chapter 2. On Prāņāyāma” of the Haţha Yoga Pradipika, translated by Pancham Sinh (1914)
“I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me. I am arch, gay, languid, melancholy by turns. I am rooted, but I flow.”
– quoted from “Susan” in The Waves by Virginia Woolf
Just as Virginia Woolf addressed misconceptions about women in her essays and fiction, Pancham Sinh addressed some misconceptions about people who practice yoga and the practice of prāņāyāma in an introduction to the Haţha Yoga Pradipika. Part of the introduction is an admonishment to people who would study the practice, but do not practice it, stating, “People put their faith implicitly in the stories told them about the dangers attending the practice, without ever taking the trouble of ascertaining the fact themselves. We have been inspiring and expiring air from our birth, and will continue to do so till death; and this is done without the help of any teacher. Prāņāyāma is nothing but a properly regulated form of the otherwise irregular and hurried flow of air, without using much force or undue restraint; and if this is accomplished by patiently keeping the flow slow and steady, there can be no danger. It is the impatience for the Siddhis which cause undue pressure on the organs and thereby causes pains in the ears, the eyes, the chest, etc. If the three bandhas be carefully performed while practicing [sic] the Prāņāyāma, there is no possibility of any danger.”
Siddhis are the powers or “accomplishments” achieved from continuous practice. They range from being able to extend peace out into the world and understanding all languages, to being able to levitate and understand all languages, to the six “powers unique to being human.” Bandhas are “locks” and refer to internal engagements used to seal sections of the body in order to control the flow of prāņā. The three major bandhas referred to in the text are the same engagements I encourage when I tell people to “zip up” and engage the pelvic floor and lower abdominal cavity (mūla bandha), the mid and upper abdominal cavity (uḍḍīyana bandha), and the throat (jālandhara bandha). I typically refer to a fourth – pada bandha – which is a seal for the feet; however, in classical texts the fourth bandha is the engagement of the three major bandhas (root, abdominal, and throat) at the same time.
Before anyone gets it twisted, let’s be clear that this introduction is not advice to grab a book and follow instructions without the guidance of a teacher. In fact, Pancham Sinh specifically advised people to find a teacher who practiced and indicated that while one could follow the directions from a (sacred) book, there are some things that cannot be expressed in words. There are some things that can only be felt. This is consistent with Patanjali’s explanation that the elements and senses that make up the “objective world” can be “divided into four categories: specific, unspecific, barely describable, and absolutely indescribable.” (YS 2.19) That is to say, there are some things that have specific sense-related reference points; some things that can be referred back to the senses, but on a personal level; some things that have no reference points, but can be understood through “a sign” or comprehension of sacred text; and some things which cannot be described, because there is no tangible reference point and/or “sign” – there is only essence.
One of the things we can feel, but not touch, is emotion. Emotions can come with visceral experiences and, in that way, can fall into the “unspecific” category, but more often than not what we feel is “barely describable” (or even indescribable) – and yet, writers are always trying to describe or capture the essence of what is felt. As the author of nine novels (including one published shortly after her death), five short story collections (most of which were published after her death), a hybrid novel (part fiction, part non-fiction), three book-length essays, a biography, and hundreds of articles, reviews, and essays, Virginia Woolf constantly endeavored to describe what she felt and what she felt she saw others feeling. Even more salient, she often focused on the disconnection between what her characters felt and what they could describe about what they felt.
The author’s efforts were hindered, or aided (depending on one’s viewpoint), by the fact that she experienced so much trauma and heartbreak; much of which led to emotional despair. She was possibly (probably) abused by one of her half-brothers from an early age. Then she suffered a mental breakdown at the age of 13, after her mother died. Then she had to deal with the death of her half-sister and a maternal role model just two years later. When her father he died, in 1904, she had another breakdown, the severity of which landed her in the country for a period of convalescence. It was during this period that she began to write in earnest (even though the doctors had recommended that she only write letters) and that she would meet Leonard Woolf, the author whom she would marry in 1912. The writing helped, in that she seemed to find some mental and emotional stability for about 15 years. But, she would experience another breakdown after correcting the proofs of her first novel, The Voyage Out. The novel was published by her half-brother’s publishing company (yes, that aforementioned half-brother) and introduced the world to “Clarissa Dalloway,” the protagonist of her fourth novel.
“evaṃ vidhe maṭhe sthitvā sarva-chintā-vivarjitaḥ |
ghurūpadiṣhṭa-mārgheṇa yoghameva samabhyaset || 14 ||
Having seated in such a room and free from all anxieties, he should practise [sic] Yoga, as instructed by his guru.”
– quoted from “Chapter 1. On Āsanas” of the Haţha Yoga Pradipika, translated by Pancham Sinh (1914)
“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”
– quoted from The Hours: a novel by Michael Cunningham
It is interesting to me that while the instruction for the Haţha Yoga Pradipika instructed a person to practice when they were “free from…disturbances of all kinds” (HYP 1.12); “free from dirt, filth and insects” (HYP 1.13); and “free from all anxieties” (HYP 1.14), the vast majority of people practicing in the modern world do so in order to free themselves from the various maladies that plague them. Additionally, I find it interesting that historians, teachers of literature, and even psychiatrists spend a lot of time (theoretically) diagnosing a young woman (Virginia Woolf) who may have been experiencing (and working through) the most natural of emotions; natural, given her circumstances. Were her emotions extreme and potentially dangerous? Yes, by all accounts – including her own words and her death – her emotions were extreme and dangerous; as were her circumstances. Initially, she was able to work through her distress because she had the support of those to whom she was connected. In the end, however, she was left alone and feeling disconnected.
The Air I Breathe, one of my favorite movies, was released in the United States today in 2008. Inspired by the idea that emotions are like fingers on a hand, the main characters are known to the audience as Happiness, Pleasure, Sorrow, Love, and Fingers – and their stories are interconnected, even though they don’t necessarily realize it. In fact, some of the most desperate actions in the movie are motivated by fear and a sense of isolation. Promotional materials for the movie proclaimed, “We are all strangers / We are all living in fear / We are all ready to change” and in the movie Happiness asks, “So where does change come from? And how do we recognize it when it happens?” I think both the statement and the question could be applied to so many, if not all, of Virginia Woolf’s characters – and they could apply to all of us in the world right now.
“‘For,’ the outsider will say, ‘in fact as a woman, I have no country. As a woman I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.’ And if, when reason has had its say, still some obstinate emotion remains, some love of England dropped into a child’s ears… this drop of pure, if irrational, emotion she will make serve her to give to England first what she desires of peace and freedom for the whole world.”
– quoted from the novel-essay “Three Guineas,” as it appears in The Selected Works of Virginia Woolf by Virginia Woolf
As I have mentioned before, I consider the 8-Limbed Yoga Philosophy to have very real-time, practical applications and I normally think of the physical practice as an opportunity to practice, explore, and play with the various elements of the philosophy. I will even sometimes use aspects of alignment as a metaphor for situations in our lives off the mat. Given this last year, however, I have really started to consider how āsana instructions from classic texts like The Yoga Sūtras of Patanjali and the Haţha Yoga Pradipika, can be more practically applied to the most basic aspects of everyday life.
For instance, if we spend our time on the mat cultivating a “steady/stable, comfortable/easy/joyful” foundation in order to breathe easier and more deeply, doesn’t it make sense to spend some time cultivating the same type of foundation in our lives? Going out a little more, if we do not have the luxury or privilege of practicing “in a country where justice is properly administered, where good people live, and food can be obtained easily and plentifully,” doesn’t it behoove us to create that land? Finally, what happens if we (to paraphrase yoga sūtras 2.46-47) establish a baseline for stability and then loosen up a little bit and focus on the infinite? Patanjali and the authors of the other sacred texts told us we would become more of who we are: leaner in body, healthier, brighter, more joyful, “clearer, stronger, and more intuitive.” In other words: peaceful and blissful.
“lōkāḥ samastāḥ sukhinōbhavantu”
– A mettā (loving-kindness) chant that translates to “May all-beings, everywhere, be happy and be free.”
There is no playlist for the Common Ground practice.
“vapuḥ kṝśatvaṃ vadane prasannatā
nāda-sphuṭatvaṃ nayane sunirmale |
aroghatā bindu-jayo|aghni-dīpanaṃ
nāḍī-viśuddhirhaṭha-siddhi-lakṣhaṇam || 78 ||
When the body becomes lean, the face glows with delight, Anâhatanâda manifests, and eyes are clear, body is healthy, bindu under control, and appetite increases, then one should know that the Nâdîs are purified and success in Haṭha Yoga is approaching.”
– quoted from “Chapter 1. On Āsanas” of the Haţha Yoga Pradipika, translated by Pancham Sinh (1914)
“The human frame being what it is, heart, body and brain all mixed together, and not contained in separate compartments as they will be no doubt in another million years, a good dinner is of great importance to good talk. One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
– quoted from the essay “A Room of One’s Own,” as it appears in A Room of One’s Own And, Three Guineas by Virginia Woolf
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also call the TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
### OM SHANTI, SHANTI, SHANTHI OM ###
Let Me Reintroduce the Practice (the Saturday post) January 24, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in "Impossible" People, Abhyasa, Books, Buddhism, California, Changing Perspectives, Depression, Dharma, Faith, Gratitude, Healing Stories, Health, Hope, Karma, Karma Yoga, Life, Loss, Love, Meditation, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Vairagya, Volunteer, Wisdom, Yoga.Tags: 8-Limbs, Ed Roberts, Harry Reasoner, kriya yoga, Lee Roberts, Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, political science, Rolling Quads, Shotokan Karate, yoga, yoga philosophy, Zona Roberts
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[This is the post for Saturday, January 23rd. It contains some examples not included in the class. You can request an audio recording of Saturday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.]
“I fell in love, like many people do. We do that as well. And it became ridiculously inconvenient to have my attendant pushing me around in my wheelchair with my girlfriend. It was an extra person that I didn’t need to be more intimate. I learned how to drive a power wheelchair in one day. I was so motivated to learn something that it changed in many ways my perception of my disability and of myself. She jumped on my lap and we rode off into the sunset or to the closest motel.”
– Ed Roberts in a 60 Minutes interview with Harry Reasoner
Last week’s practice included a quick a quick summary review of the “Samadhi Pada” (Chapter or Foundation on Concentration), in which Patanjali explains (in 51 sūtras) how the mind works and how to work the mind. This week’s practice focuses on reintroducing the practice that Patanjali introduces in the “Sadhana Pada” (Chapter or Foundation on Practice), which is 55 sūtras outlining the 8-limbs of the Yoga Philosophy.
One of the things that I appreciate about the practice of the Yoga Philosophy is that it is practical. Granted, the Buddha (historically) did not agree. I have heard that, in his time, yoga as a philosophy was not widely practiced by householders and the Noble Eightfold Path was his codification of a practical practice for all. However, I feel that Patanjali also did this with the Yoga Sūtras. I feel that way because I have seen people, from all backgrounds, practice yoga just as I have seen people, from all backgrounds, practice Buddhism – just as I have seen people, from all backgrounds, struggle with integrating the 8 elements of either practice into their lives. More to this point, however, is the fact that Patanjali starts off the second section of his practicum talking about “Yoga in action” (kriyāyogah).
Even before breaking down the 8 Limbs, Patanjali offers what some have called a prescription for achieving the state of yoga that will cease the fluctuation of the mind. This prescription is a combination of what he will eventually explain are the last three “internal observations” (niyamāh): “austerity or heat” (tapah), “self-study” (svādhyāya), and a trustful surrender to the Divine (īśvarapraņidhāna).
These are things anyone can do – if they truly understand what it is they are doing. Part of the problem in the modern world (and Buddhism runs into a similar problem) is that people get things twisted. They focus on what’s happening on the outside, superficially; rather than what’s happening inside. Even if they know that tapas can be defined as “heat, discipline, and austerity” – as well as the practices that cultivate the same – they might look at a really sweaty physical practice and think, “Oh, no, I can’t do that. That’s not for me.” And, while those styles and traditions can be a form of tapah, they are not the only form – and it is possible to do those very hot or heated practices and not cultivate discipline or austerity, which begs two questions: What are you practicing? What are you accomplishing?
“From a practical standpoint then, svadyaya is the process of employing the power of discernment and maintaining a constant awareness of who we are, what we are trying to become, and how the objective world can help us accomplish our goal.”
– commentary on Yoga Sūtra 2.1 from The Practice of the Yoga Sūtra: Sadhana Pada by Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD
Having previously established (in the first chapter) how the mind works and how to work the mind, Patanjali reiterates the purpose of yoga (“union” of mind-body-spirit and an end to the causes of suffering) – this time as it specifically relates to afflicted/dysfunctional thought patterns. He gives a more detailed explanation of those afflicted thought patterns by describing them as ignorance, the false sense of self, attachment (rooted in pleasure), aversion (which is attachment rooted in pain), and a fear of loss/death. He establishes ignorance (āvidya) as the root of the other four and states that this groundwork is established no matter if the ignorance is dormant, attenuated, disjointed, or active. He then breaks describes the different ways of āvidya manifests in the world – which basically takes us back to the ways in which we misunderstand the nature of things – and explains how the other four afflicted thought patterns rise up.
There are examples of how āvidya and the other four dysfunctional/afflicted thought patterns manifest all around us. There are, therefore, also examples of the sources of our ignorance can be the path towards freedom, fulfillment, and more clarity. One example of this is how some people view those that are not considered “able bodied.” Think about the activist Edward V. Roberts, for example. Known as the “Father of the Independent Living” movement, Mr. Roberts was born today (January 23rd) in 1939. By all accounts, he spent his formative years as a “regular” boy. Then, at the age of fourteen, contracted polio – this was in 1953, two years before the vaccine ended the polio epidemic. The virus left the active, “sports-loving” teenager paralyzed from the neck down, with mobility only in two fingers and a few toes. It also (temporarily) crushed his spirit. He initially spent most of his days and all of his nights in an 800-pound iron lung and, when he wasn’t in the iron lung, he used “frog breathing” – a technique that uses the facial and neck muscles to pump air into the lungs.
Now, if you are someone who has not interacted with someone with a disability, you might think – as Ed Roberts initially thought of himself – that he was a “helpless cripple.” You might, like him and one of his early doctors, back in 1953, think that there was no point to his life. You might think that he couldn’t do yoga; couldn’t get married (and divorced); couldn’t have a child; and definitely couldn’t do anything to change the world. But, if you think any of that, just as he initially thought that, you would be wrong.
“There are very few people even with the most severe disabilities who can’t take control of their own life. The problem is that the people around us don’t expect us to.”
– Ed Roberts in a 60 Minutes interview with Harry Reasoner
Just to be clear, to my knowledge Ed Roberts didn’t practice yoga. However, he did practice Shotokan karate. Also, it is interesting to note that (a) the glottis (which includes the true vocal chords and the rima glottidis or empty space at the back of the throat) that we engage to practice Ujjayi prāņāyāma, is the same area he would engage to breathe without the iron lung and (b) once he changed his understanding of himself – let go of his “false sense of self” – he was able to change the world.
Even though he could attend school by telephone, Zona Roberts, Ed Roberts’s mother, insisted that he attend school in-person one day a week for a few hours. She also encouraged him to think of himself as a “star” and to advocate for his own needs. So, when he was in danger of not graduating from high school, because he hadn’t completed driver’s education of physical education, he pushed back on those who would limit him.
He not only graduated from high school, he also attended the College of San Mateo and the University of California Berkeley – even though one of the UC Berkeley deans wanted to reject him because someone had had an unsuccessful bid at college and the dean viewed all people with disabilities as a monolith. At Berkeley, Mr. Roberts pushed to have on campus housing that would accommodate his needs and, once that was established, pushed the university to admit and provide the dormitory experience to other people with “severe disabilities.” The Cowell Residence Program became a model for universities around the world.
Mr. Roberts and some of those students in the Cowell Residence Program referred to themselves as the “Rolling Quads” – and they were very active in changing people’s perceptions and understandings, and therefore changing policy and infrastructure. “Curb cuts,” the ramped opening between a sidewalk and street, are one of the changes that resulted from their activism. After Ed Roberts graduated with a Bachelor’s and Master’s in Political Science, he went on to teach at an “alternative college;” to serve as Director of the state organization that had once labeled him too disabled to work; and eventually co-founded the World Institute on Disability (at Berkeley). His activism – including protesting at the San Francisco offices of the Carter Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare and testifying before Congress – led to the creation of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA, 1990).
“And I literally went from like 120 pounds to 50 pounds. I also discovered how powerful the mind is, when you make up your mind.”
– Ed Roberts in a 60 Minutes interview with Harry Reasoner
In the second chapter Yoga Sūtras, Patanjali continues to emphasize the importance of the practice by explaining how the afflictions can end – with meditation being one of the methods – and also outlining the connection between these afflictions and karma (“work, effort”), which can be a never ending cycle of action and reaction. In explaining this connection, Patanjali (like the Buddha) points to how the causes of suffering can also be the way to “fulfillment and freedom” from suffering. He also breaks down the composition of the “objective world;” the three properties of energy; the four ways in which we can understand or sense everything in the objective world; and reiterates the power of the mind – both in its ability to delude and its ability to achieve clarity.
In his discussion of personal power, Patanjali expounds on how powerful the mind-body can be and how that power is magnified when combined with the power of the Divine. He also explains that this power, fueled by two levels of “unshakable discerning knowledge,” which fall into seven categories. After laying out this foundation, Patanjali states (just like the Buddha does after him) that his path leads one to the “end of suffering.” The remainder of the second chapter is devoted to outlining the 8-Limbed philosophy, and explaining the benefits of the first 5, as follows:
1. Yamās (External Restraints or Universal Commandments): Non-violence, honesty, non-stealing, an awareness of one’s connection to the highest reality, and non-grasping/non-hording
2. Niyamās (Internal Observations): cleanliness, contentment, heat/discipline/austerity, self-study, and a trustful surrender to the Divine
3. Āsana (Seat or Pose)
4. Prāņāyāma (Awareness and mastery of energy)
5. Pratyāhāra (Withdrawing the Senses, inward)
6. Dhāraņā (Focus or Concentration*)
7. Dhyāna (Concentration or Meditation*)
8. Samādhi (Meditation, Perfect Meditation, or Spiritual Absorption*)
*NOTE: Different English translations are based on different traditions.
Patanjali very specifically states that the five yamās (“restraints”) are “universally applicable” and are not limited by an individual’s identity and/or circumstances. Anyone and everyone can practice them! He emphasizes the importance of cultivating an awareness of opposites, which can be useful in attenuating negative and afflicted/dysfunctional thought patterns, especially in the absence of or in conjunction with the 10 elements of the ethical component. He references seven steps (or stages) or prāņāyāma, as awareness of breath, and basic practice instructions related to the three parts of the breath. He then references a fourth state or experience, which transcends the other parts of the breath.
His explanation of the direct benefits of the first five limbs illustrates how each limb takes you inward in a way that can be partially measured by external factors. Additionally, he points to how the “mastery” of the third limb allows one to practice the fourth limb, the mastery of which allows one to practice the fifth limb, and so on. Even though he does not go into a great deal of detail (with regard to the final three limbs), Patanjali’s breakdown of progression in the practice is shown to also apply to those higher limbs: dhāraņā, dhyāna, and samādhi.
“My bottom walk-away experience that I believe I carry with me every day is that my father never settled for anything and always fought for everything. And he always, always followed his gut, followed his passion, went with it no matter who was against him, and oftentimes there was more people against him than it was for him.
So I’ve always followed my gut and followed my passion. And in so many different speeches, he would always encourage that person to look within themselves, find their passion, follow it. You can’t… You can’t go wrong with your gut. You can’t go wrong with your passion. Don’t ever settle. He never settled. I’ll never settle. I carry that with me every day, and if there’s anything he loved to pass on, it’s just go for it.”
– quoted from “A Day in the Life of Ed Roberts: Lee Roberts Talks About His Father, Ed Roberts” by Lee Roberts
Saturday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. (This is the playlist dated 07/11/2020.)
Errata: This post has been updated to more accurately describe the anatomy related to “frog breathing.”
### OM AUM ###
What We Need to Live Well (the Sunday post) January 18, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Books, Changing Perspectives, Depression, Dharma, Faith, First Nations, Gratitude, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Suffering, Tragedy, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: Benjamin Franklin, Bridget Saunders, Matthew Hoh, mental health, Richard Saunders, Sebastian Junger, Suicide Prevention, Thomas E. Ricks, United States Marine Corps Captain Matthew Hoh
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[You can request an audio recording of Sunday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.]
*** TRIGGER WARNING: This post references mental health issues and connected traumas. There are no graphic descriptions. ***
“Wish not so much to live long as to live well.”
– quoted from a “Maxim” for August 1738 in Poor Richard’s Almanack by “Richard Saunders” and “Bridget Saunders” (a. k. a. Benjamin Franklin)
Being among the living is primarily a matter of science, but what does it mean to “live well?” What did Benjamin Franklin, who was born today in 1706 (when going by the Gregorian calendar), mean by that very basic principle? To answer those questions we most go a little deeper into the meaning of wellness and a little deeper into the life and times of “the First American.”
Nowadays, when people think of wellness or well-being, they think of physical and mental health – and Franklin would have included that in his statement. However, the general meaning of “well” and, therefore the quality of wellness, is something that is good (meaning it has purpose and is fulfilling its purpose); complete; and effective. As a polymath – not to mention a writer, printer, philosopher, and politician – Benjamin Franklin would have been very familiar with all of these meanings and connotations. More importantly, his life is a testament to the value of living well.
Born in Boston, Massachusetts Bay, English America, Benjamin Franklin was also a statesman, diplomat, a postmaster, scientist, inventor, and humorist. He was one of the Founding Fathers; served as the first US Ambassador to France; and created Poor Richard’s Almanack. He also founded Philadelphia’s first fire department, the Library Company, the University of Pennsylvania, and many other institutions that focused on how people could serve one another, be of use to one another.
“When you’re good to others, you are best to yourself.”
– #630 quoted from Poor Richard’s Almanack (1748) by “Richard Saunders” and “Bridget Saunders” (a. k. a. Benjamin Franklin)
Somehow despite everything else he was doing, Benjamin Franklin was still able to find time to experiment and observe life around him. His infamous kite-flying-in-a-storm experiment (which possible occurred in the summer of 1752) was a little more complicated than it is often depicted in paintings and other dramatic medium, because he was aware that there was a potential risk. Thomas-François Dalibard had conducted a similar experiment in France (on May 10, 1752) and Franklin himself reported experiencing some “numbness” when dealing with electricity. Later scientists would electrocute themselves while trying to recreate the efforts of Dalibard and Franklin; however, Franklin’s work specifically emphasized the importance of being grounded. His work also changed the way people understood and categorized different charges (i.e., positive and negative).
He was once critical of himself because, as he wrote, his experiments were “able to produce nothing in this way of use to Mankind.” Yet, he stayed curious, kept trying new things and eventually invented many things that made life easier for people; including the lightening rod, bifocals, and the Franklin stove. While these things all served a purpose and made life easier, maybe even more efficient, they didn’t (in and of themselves) help others live well – when living well is related to purpose and, therefore, related to others.
“Though they have few but natural wants and those easily supplied. But with us are infinite Artificial wants, no less craving than those of Nature, and much more difficult to satisfy….”
– quoted from the “Hardwicke Papers” copy of a letter addressed to Peter Collinson dated “Philadelphia May 9th, 1753” and signed “B: Franklin”
“The findings are in keeping with something called self-determination theory, which holds that human beings need three basic things in order to be content: they need to feel competent at what they do; they need to feel authentic in their lives; and they need to feel connected to others. These values are considered “intrinsic” to human happiness and far outweigh “extrinsic” values such as beauty, money and status.”
– quoted from Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger
Ultimately, once we establish the meaning of the living well, the real question we must ask ourselves is. “What do we need to live well?” Whenever we’re addressing life “needs,” I find that we sneak a whole lot of “wants” and desire into the mix. These are what Benjamin Franklin would classify as “Artificial” and that would fall into the category of “extrinsic” values, according to the definition Sebastian Junger uses in his book Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging, which is a discussion on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Born today in 1962, in Belmont, Massachusetts (give or take 10 miles from Benjamin Franklin was born), Sebastian Junger is a journalist and student of anthropology, whose parents immigrated to the United States, in part, to escape persecution during World War II. From The Perfect Storm: A True Story of Men Against the Sea to Fire and from documentaries like Restrepo and The Last Patrol, Junger’s work has focused on the life of individuals experiencing war, trauma, and death. But, one of the common elements in his work – an element that is sometimes overlooked in the face of so much adventure, adrenaline, and danger – is camaraderie, friendship, and tribalism; elements that became the primary focus when he started researching PTSD.
“As wealth goes up in a society, the suicide rate goes up not down. If you live in modern society you are up to 8 times more likely to suffer from depression, in your lifetime, than if you live in a poor, agrarian society. Modern society has probably produced the highest rates of suicide and depression and anxiety and loneliness and child abuse ever, in human history.”
– quoted from a June 10, 2016 TEDTalk entitled “Our lonely society makes it hard to come home from war” by Sebastian Junger
“…they visit us frequently, and see the advantages that Arts, Sciences, and compact Society procure us, they are not deficient in natural understanding and yet they have never shewn any Inclination to change their manner of life for ours, or to learn any of our Arts; When an Indian Child has been brought up among us, taught our language and habituated to our Customs, yet if he goes to see his relations and make one Indian Ramble with them, there is no perswading him ever to return, and that this is not natural [to them] merely as Indians, but as men, is plain from this, that when white persons of either sex have been taken prisoners young by the Indians, and lived a while among them, tho’ ransomed by their Friends, and treated with all imaginable tenderness to prevail with them to stay among the English, yet in a Short time they become disgusted with our manner of life, and the care and pains that are necessary to support it, and take the first good Opportunity of escaping again into the Woods, from whence there is no reclaiming them.”
– quoted from the “Hardwicke Papers” copy of a letter addressed to Peter Collinson dated “Philadelphia May 9th, 1753” and signed “B: Franklin”
In Tribe, Sebastian Junger actually quotes part of Benjamin Franklin’s letter to Peter Collinson and comes to similar conclusions: that there is something missing from Western society – or, what Junger sometimes refers to as “modern society” – and that something is sense of belonging; a place for all and a purpose for all. Additionally, he proposes that not only is “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder” a failure in nomenclature, but that the name itself places the emphasis on the wrong part of people’s experience. His work suggests that it is not the traumatic experience that is a problem – nor is it the person experiencing the mental health issue: the problem is the “post” part; the problem is modern society and what we’re lacking.
Junger doesn’t rely on Franklin’s nearly 300-old observations. Instead, he builds his case using evidence throughout history – and some of the most compelling evidence is about what doesn’t happen, despite trauma. For instance, he describes how different reintegration into society is for Israeli veterans who return to a community where people understand what they have experienced, because military service is part of life. The result of people knowing where you’re coming from and what you’ve experienced? A substantially lower suicide rate. More to the point, a 1% suicide rate among Israeli veterans (which is basically the whole country) versus the United States where the overall rate is higher and 13.5% of all adult suicides are committed by veterans (even though veterans only making about 7.9% of the adult population).
Junger also makes note of the decrease in reported violence, suicide, depression, and other mental health issues when the United Kingdom was experiencing the Blitz during World War II and a similar decrease in New York City after 9/11 – the latter example even applying to combat-experienced veterans who had previously been diagnosed with PTSD. Junger states in a 2016 TedTalk, “The reason is that if you traumatize an entire society, we don’t fall apart and turn on one another; we come together, we unify. Basically, we tribalize.”
“War is life multiplied by some number that no one has ever heard of.”
– quoted from War by Sebastian Junger
“What would you risk dying for—and for whom—is perhaps the most profound question a person can ask themselves. The vast majority of people in modern society are able to pass their whole lives without ever having to answer that question, which is both an enormous blessing and a significant loss.”
– quoted from Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger
I’m not a veteran, nor am I an expert on PTSD. So, I can only say that from a layperson’s perspective Sebastian Junger’s work (overall) frames the trauma and challenges of war as well as the trauma and challenges of reintegrating into society. I also think he does a good job of highlighting the physical-mental-emotional ways in which humans cope with danger (and perceived danger) as well as pointing to elements that predispose or making someone more vulnerable to long-term, chronic traumatic stress (such as childhood abuse and trauma, low education, and psychiatric disorders in their family). As a layperson, I feel like he includes the trauma of combat in the discussion. However, his critics disagree.
Junger’s critics (with regard to Tribe) include veterans as well as people who specifically and professionally deal with PTSD and veterans. Those critics include United States Marine Corps Captain Matthew Hoh, whose service to the country includes active duty in Iraq (2006 – 2007) and with the State Department in Iraq (2004 – 2005) and Afghanistan (2009). He has been diagnosed with PTSD, a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), and depression – and has overcome suicidal thoughts and issues with alcohol. Additionally, even after he resigned from the State Department, in protest of the escalation in Afghanistan, he continues to combine his experience with his skills as a writer in order to better inform the general public and to better inform policy. He seems to strive, as Benjamin Franklin encouraged, “to live well.”
In a 2016 book review of Tribe, Captain Hoh not only criticized Junger’s premise; he also claimed that Junger did a disservice to veterans by downplaying the role of combat-related trauma. He specifically cited research from the National Center for Veterans’ Studies at the University of Utah indicating a direct correlation between suicide and combat related to veterans who were deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. The evidence – including the examples of a Iraq and Afghan veterans without combat experience having a suicide rate “three to four times that of their civilian peers” and a single battalion (with combat experience) having a suicide rate that was “14 times higher than their civilian peers” – is as staggering as it shocking. It is interesting to note that one of Captain Matthew Hoh’s chief concerns is also one of Sebastian Junger’s chief concerns: that part of the big picture needs to be better understanding of what veterans endure.
“[Tribe] is a very popular book, that has received an enormous amount of media attention, and unfortunately, it is doing a great degree of harm by misinforming people about the nature, magnitude, and reality of PTSD for America’s veterans. It’s hard enough to get people to understand what the guys went through over there and what they are going through at home, let alone if people are misinformed.”
– quoted from a “Best Defense” book review entitled, “Junger’s new book ‘Tribe’ is giving the public exactly the wrong idea about PTSD” by Matthew Hoh (under the byline of Thomas E. Ricks, on foreignpolicy.com, June 15, 2016)
Over this last year, I have repeatedly compared our shared experiences (dealing with the pandemic and civil unrest) to being on a sinking ship. In The Perfect Storm: A True Story of Men Against the Sea, Sebastian Junger, writing about the men who lived, worked, and died aboard the Andrea Gail asked, “How do men act on a sinking ship? Do they hold each other? Do they pass around the whisky? Do they cry?” I think, moving forward, that we have to ask ourselves – really look at ourselves – as we experience this shared trauma. I think this is especially true if we want to survive not only the collective trauma, but also what happens afterwards… the “post.”
For myself, I can definitely attest to a reluctance to go outside where I might be exposed to racism, sexism, ageism, xenophobia, and all the other –isms and –phobias (let alone corona virus) during a time when so many people seem predisposed to express their discontent viscerally and violently. I have considered, on more than one occasion, what happens when society really starts to open back up and we all start working towards reintegration. I have also contemplated the fact that, just like in other traumatic situations, people have not been impacted equally – so, some will have a harder time coming back together. And, I wonder, how we can help each other come back together given all the fear and differences that separate us.
“We evolved as animals, as primates, to survive periods of danger and if your life has been in danger you want to react to unfamiliar noises. You want to sleep lightly, wake up easily. You want to have nightmares and flashbacks of the thing that could kill you. You want to be angry because it makes you predisposed to fight; or depressed, because it keeps you out of circulation a little bit: keeps you safe…. About 20% of people, however, wind up with chronic, long term PTSD. They are not adapted to temporary danger; they are maladapted for everyday life – unless they get help.”
– quoted from a June 10, 2016 TEDTalk entitled “Our lonely society makes it hard to come home from war” by Sebastian Junger
“If you want to make a society work, then you don’t keep underscoring the places where you’re different—you underscore your shared humanity….”
– quoted from Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. It is obvious to me this group is prepared to govern.”
– quoted from What Really Happened? – A Series of humor essays describing “historical” events by K. Lenart (describing a fictionalized 1789 speech to the First United States Congress (at Federal Hall in New York City) by Benjamin Franklin)
Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
“Pardoning the Bad, is injuring the Good.”
– #408 quoted from Poor Richard’s Almanack (1748) by “Richard Saunders” and “Bridget Saunders” (a. k. a. Benjamin Franklin)
“Haste makes Waste.”
– #184 quoted from Poor Richard’s Almanack (1753) by “Richard Saunders” and “Bridget Saunders” (a. k. a. Benjamin Franklin)
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also call the TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
### LIVE WELL & LOVE WELL ###
Who Is Minding the Store? (the Saturday post) January 10, 2021
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in "Impossible" People, Books, Changing Perspectives, Confessions, Dharma, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, Men, One Hoop, Peace, Philosophy, Wisdom, Women, Yoga.Tags: Alice Schwarzer, gender, Jean-Paul Sartre, President Richard Nixon, René Descartes, Simone de Beauvoir, Stendhal, Yoga Sutra 2.54, Yoga Sutra 2.55
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[This is the post for Saturday, January 9th. It was slightly edited in 2023. You can request an audio recording of Saturday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.]
“Man’s unhappiness, says Descartes, is due to his having first been a child. And indeed the unfortunate choices which most men make can only be explained by the fact that they have taken place on the basis of childhood. The child’s situation is characterized by his finding himself cast into a universe which he has not helped to establish, which has been fashioned without him, and which appears to him as an absolute to which he can only submit. In his eyes, human inventions, words, customs, and values are given facts, as inevitable as the sky and the trees….
From childhood on, flaws begin to be revealed in it. With astonishment, revolt and disrespect the child little by little asks himself, ‘Why must I act that way? What good is it? And what will happen if I act in another way?’ He discovers his subjectivity; he discovers that of others. And when he arrives at the age of adolescence he begins to vacillate because he notices the contradictions among adults as well as their hesitations and weakness. Men stop appearing as if they were gods, and at the same time the adolescent discovers the human character of the reality about him. Language, customs, ethics, and values have their source in these uncertain creatures. The moment has come when he too is going to be called upon to participate in their operation; his acts weigh upon the earth as much as those of other men. He will have to choose and decide. It is comprehensible that it is hard for him to live this moment of his history, and this is doubtless the deepest reason for the crisis of adolescence; the individual must at last assume his subjectivity.”
– quoted from “II. Personal Freedom and Others” in The Ethics of Ambiguity by Simone de Beauvoir
“What is an adult? A child blown up by age.”
– quoted from The Woman Destroyed by Simone de Beauvoir
Do you ever take note of yourself? In particular, do you take note of who you are and what you are all about – and how you got in the habit of being you? That last part may seem weird, because you’re thinking that you just are you and that being you is a state, not a habit. However, philosophically speaking, we become who we are – more and more, every day – and, as we become who we are we less and less likely to deviate from a certain pattern of behavior. In other words, who we are in this moment is a habit.
Simone de Beauvoir, born today in 1908, was (along with her longtime companion Jean-Paul Sartre) one of the founders of existentialism; the philosophical and literary idea that freedom and the expression of personal freedom should be the foundation of and motivation for everything. Despite the fact that the couple, individually and collectively, sought to define themselves regardless of social conventions, there was a point when de Beauvoir had not considered how her sex and gender (and people’s ideas around her sex and gender) limited her freedom of being. In fact, she specifically told Sartre that she had not experienced any oppression or marginalization because she was a woman. (A comment I always find astonishing since one of the reasons the couple didn’t marry was because she had no dowry and said that made marriage “impossible.”)
Sartre basically told de Beauvoir to go deeper, and she did. The result of that deep dive was The Second Sex.
Published in 1949, the two volumes of The Second Sex (Facts and Myths and Lived Experience) provided a history of the treatment of women; made a distinction between biological sex and socially-constructed gender; and became the foundation for modern feminist theory – although its author was reluctant to call herself a feminist. One of the bottom lines from The Second Sex is that men (and in particular, in certain cultures, white men) are seen by society as the “norm” and that everyone else (and everything associated with everyone else) is defined (on a scale beneath men) in a way that “Others,” fetishizes, and demeans them. Additionally, she pointed out that to deviate from the “norm” and the resulting hierarchy can be detrimental.
“If her functioning as a female is not enough to define woman, if we decline also to explain her through ‘the eternal feminine’, and if nevertheless we admit, provisionally, that women do exist, then we must face the question ‘what is a woman’?
To state the question is, to me, to suggest, at once, a preliminary answer. The fact that I ask it is in itself significant. A man would never set out to write a book on the peculiar situation of the human male. But if I wish to define myself, I must first of all say: ‘I am a woman’; on this truth must be based all further discussion. A man never begins by presenting himself as an individual of a certain sex; it goes without saying that he is a man. The terms masculine and feminine are used symmetrically only as a matter of form, as on legal papers. In actuality the relation of the two sexes is not quite like that of two electrical poles, for man represents both the positive and the neutral, as is indicated by the common use of man to designate human beings in general; whereas woman represents only the negative, defined by limiting criteria, without reciprocity. In the midst of an abstract discussion it is vexing to hear a man say: ‘You think thus and so because you are a woman’; but I know that my only defence [sic] is to reply: ‘I think thus and so because it is true,’ thereby removing my subjective self from the argument. It would be out of the question to reply: ‘And you think the contrary because you are a man’, for it is understood that the fact of being a man is no peculiarity.”
– quoted from “Introduction: Woman as Other” in The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
We may think nothing of the way we think and the way our brains process stimuli, until there is a problem – a fracture in our understanding of “reality” – or we engage in a contemplative practice that requires us to question everything; including the way we think. The Yoga Philosophy continuously asks us to question… everything. As we must understand our selves and the way our mind understands the world (through the senses), the 8-limbed philosophy explores how everything we think, say, do, and experience creates a mental/psychological impression (samskara) through which we filter the next thing we think, say, do, and experience. We also look at how we repeat this pattern throughout every moment of our lives and how, unless we take note and do something to lift the “veil of impressions,” we become who we are because we are hardwiring ourselves to be a certain way.
Another way to think of this is purely neurological. Every time we do something new (so, everything we think, say, do, and experience) a neural pathway is created in the brain. This pathway gets hardwired as we repeat a thought, word, deed, or experience and this is how a habit is formed – whether it is the habit of eating or not eating certain food; drinking or otherwise imbibing to excess (or not at all); working out (or not); working 80 hours a week; procrastinating; not getting enough sleep or sleeping too much…. The list goes on, because once we repeat a behavior enough times, we do it without thought or consideration. And, when you think about it, this is how we become who are; who we are in the habit of being.
“Stendhal said: ‘All the geniuses who are born women are lost to the public good.’ To tell the truth, one is not born a genius: one becomes a genius; and the feminine situation has up to the present rendered this becoming practically impossible.”
– quoted from “Part II – History: Chapter VIII. Since the French Revolution: The Job and the Vote” in The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
“One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.”
– quoted from “Part IV – The Formative Years: Chapter XII. Childhood” in The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
Using Simone de Beauvoir as an example, consider how her understanding of the world (as she had been taught as a child) meant that her lack of dowry prevented her from getting married. Yet, that same lack of dowry (that prevented her from getting married) allowed her to study an academic discipline she may not have been able to study had she been married with children. At some point and on some level, she decided to focus on the freedom she “gained” from not being married rather than on the limitations society placed on her because her family wasn’t wealthy. Freedom and expression of that freedom became everything! At various points throughout her life, there were situations (of oppression) that she was in the habit of ignoring, because she was in the habit (as her father said) of thinking “like a man” and acting accordingly.**
In some ways, the explanations above are overly simplified, because they barely touch all the layers. The reality is that all of our experiences are based around external sensations (whereby we receive information about an object through our sense organs) and the internal processing of these sensations (which is a mental engagement). Yoga looks at five senses, plus the mind: smelling, tasting, seeing, touching, hearing, and thinking. These senses are physically and mentally (neurologically) tied to a sense organ; to the mind; and, also, symbolically and energetically tied to a chakra. That chakra connection means that each sense is also associated to a part of the body that is not directly (physically) connected to the sense organ. Additionally, each sense is tied to an action: eliminating, (pro)creating, moving, grasping/holding, speaking, and thinking. When Patanjali explains the practice and experience of pratyāhāra (which is literally defined as “pulling the mind from every direction and in every respect to a focal point”), he specifically mentions indriyāņām, which are the 5 expressions of the physical-mental sense organ engagement and the 5 expressions of the corresponding action – with thinking sometimes ranking as an 11th indriya.
To get the real “big picture” we must also factor in our (emotionally) feelings about what we are sensing and thinking, as well as whether that emotion is rooted in the presence or (as is more often the case) rooted in the past. In the commentary for this week’s sūtra (2.55), Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD, points out that there is a point in the (continued) practice when, “The joy engendered by this union [between mind and prana] engulfs the mind’s roaming tendencies. The cortex, which is the seat of the manas, the thinking mind, stops brooding on the future. This leads to freedom from anxiety. The amygdale, which is the seat of chitta, the storehouse of memories [and the processing point for decision-making and emotional responses], stops interacting with emotions associated with past issues. This leads to freedom from sorrow.”
Yoga Sūtra 2.54: svaişayāsamprayoge cittasyasvarūpānukāra ivendriyāņām pratyāhārah
– “Withdrawing from every direction toward a focal point, the sense organs and actions cease engaging with the [corresponding] sense objects and become like the true nature of the mind.
Yoga Sūtra 2.55: tatah paramā vaśyatendriyāņām
– “From that [pratyahara] comes the highest level of mastery over senses
Think back to the classic analogy of the senses being wild horses*; the mind/brain being the reins; the body being the chariot; the mind/intellect being the charioteer; and the Atman-Self being the passenger along for the ride. Think about how every experience involves a variety of sense objects which will attract the attention of the horses. Think how, if not controlled, the horses keep pulling in the direction of the sense object each one finds most appealing. Chaos reigns.
And we fear the chaos.
Now, think about what happens if the horses have been trained (though experience) to know which way is “the barn” and that “the barn” equals whatever appeals to the senses. Now, you could drop the reins and the horses would all go to “the barn.” The only problem is they are still pulling in a different direction – only now you know the why and the where. This is a more controlled form of chaos, because now the senses and the brain are in the habit of doing certain things given certain information (stimuli) and conditions.
What if, however, “the barn” is not where you are going? Now, you have to struggle a bit, to keep the horses on course – especially since each horse may be pulling towards a different “barn.” Maybe you hold too tightly to the reins, especially when you notice you’re going in the “wrong” direction; and then you go nowhere fast. The alternative, according to Patanjali, is to intentionally train the senses by drawing them in – almost like an American football huddle.
Remember, this is not about suppressing or repressing natural abilities. Neither is this about becoming so “numb” you are sleep walking through life. No, this is about training – and/or retraining – the mind-body to process sensation/information in different ways. It’s not about being reactive, it’s about being responsive. It’s not about improving your sight, but rather about improving your vision (of yourself and the world). It’s not about denying or suppressing reality, but rather about believing in yourself. And, ultimately, it is about being in the habit of being your best self.
The beauty of this practice is that while it is not magical, and doesn’t happen overnight, it does happen.
“To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object: a woman in love is neither asleep nor dead; there is a surge in her which unceasingly ebbs and flows: the ebb creates the spell that keeps desire alive.”
– quoted from “Part IV – The Formative Years: Chapter III. Sexual Initiation” in The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
Saturday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “10202020 Pratyahara”]
*NOTE: I decided to stick with the tried and true wild horse and chariot analogy, rather than the store analogy referenced in the title.
**NOTE: Sometimes Simone de Beauvoir’s behavior was so much “like a man” that had she actually been a man, I might put her in the same category as President Richard Nixon, born today in 1913, and not every focused a class on her contributions. A double standard? In this case, yes.
“The new feminism is radical, by contrast. As in 1968, its watchword is: change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.”
– quoted from After the Second Sex: Conversations with Simone de Beauvoir by Alice Schwarzer
### Riding with a Charioteer Named Purpose ###
Family Economics (the Tuesday post) December 29, 2020
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Bhakti, Changing Perspectives, Christmas, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Music, Mysticism, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Religion, Suffering, Tragedy, Wisdom, Yoga.Tags: 12 Days of Christmas, C. Sheppard, Dr. Adam Clark, Feast Day of the Holy Family, Feast of Saint Thomas of Canterbury, Gary Chapman PhD, J. Davenport, Kwanzaa, Nguzo Saba, Ross Campbell MD, Stephanie L. King, Twelvetide, Ujamaa
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[“Kwanzaa, yenu iwe na heri!” – “May your Kwanzaa be happy!” to everyone who is celebrating! May you have a meaningful observation if your focus is on the Feast Day of the Holy Family or the Feast Day of Saint Thomas (Becket).]
[You can request an audio recording of Tuesday’s practices via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases or donations specifically for New Year’s Day are not necessarily deductible.]
“In The Black Candle, a 2008 documentary on Kwanzaa, narrated by the late Dr. Maya Angelou, she explains, ‘While the first principle of Umoja brings us closer and harnesses our strength, the last principle, Imani, inspires us and sustains our togetherness. Let us have faith in ourselves, in our creator, in our mothers and fathers, in our grandmothers and grandfathers, in our elders, and in our future – knowing that we are more than keepers of our brothers and sisters, we are our brothers and sisters.’”
– quoted from the Oprah Magazine article “The Principles and Meaning of Kwanzaa: The holiday is a call to celebrate the richness of what it means to have African roots” by Stephanie L. King (Dec. 7, 2020)
One of the greatest tragedies of the slave trade and slavery in the Americas was the loss of family and cultural heritage. In order to survive the displacement and the many horrors of slavery people from different tribes, communities, and cultures had to figure out a way to come together as family – despite knowing that, at any moment, even their created family could be torn apart just as their biological family was torn apart. The fact that people did, continuously create family bonds, is a testament to the human spirit and to the power of love, Divine love that knows no limits (even when we continuously try to create them).
Today is a great day to consider that spirit and those bonds. In addition to being the fourth day of Kwanzaa, it is both the Feast Day of the Holy Family and the Feast Day of Saint Thomas of Canterbury (also of London). There are more feast days celebrated today in the Western Christian tradition, but some might argue that these are the most well known and most popular. The Feast Day of the Holy Family is particularly interesting because it not only highlights the importance of Joseph, Mary, and Jesus (as family) it also highlights the value of family and the importance of noticing how we define family.
Remember, Joseph was not Jesus’ biological father. We can consider him his foster or adopted father, but the label doesn’t matter when you consider that he raised the child. Not a lot is known about Jesus’ childhood per the canonical gospels and there’s a bit of a gap from both to 12. But, we know (particularly from Matthew 2) that the family moved around quite a bit during that time, at the urging of the angel. This was to protect Jesus from the nefarious Herod. In other words, we know Joseph raised Jesus, kept him and his mother safe, and (most likely) taught him a trade. So, today is an opportunity to contemplate the true meaning of being a father or a mother, regardless of how that comes about. It is also an opportunity to focus on the meaning of family and how we value those we call family.
“Every child has a special way of perceiving love. There are five ways children (indeed, all people) speak and understand emotional love. They are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. If you have several children in your family, chances are they speak different languages….
Whatever love language your child understands best, he needs it expressed in one way – unconditionally. Unconditional love is a guiding light, illuminating the darkness and enabling us as parents to know where we are and what we need to do as we raise our child. Without this kind of love, parenting is bewildering and confusing.
We can best define unconditional love by showing what it does. Unconditional love shows love to a child no matter what.”
– quoted from The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively by Gary Chapman (PhD) and Ross Campbell (MD)
It is possible that when someone goes way over the top with gift giving that they are trying to compensate for a disconnect that is the result of giving to someone with a different love language. I’m not saying that is always the case. There are definitely times when someone offers a big (and costly) gesture simply because they can, maybe even because they can and they know the gift(s) will be appreciated. But you really have to wonder about someone who would give so many gifts that people lose count.
Depending on when you start counting (Christmas Day versus Boxing/Saint Stephen’s Day), today is the fourth or fifth day of the “12 Days of Christmas.” I often think of the gifts in the song as costing millions of dollars – especially when you consider that the song is cumulative, meaning that at the end of the 12 days the recipient would have received a total of 12 partridges (in 12 pear trees); 22 turtle doves, 30 French hens, 36 calling birds, 40 gold rings, 42 geese a-laying (and let’s not even get into the eggs they are laying), 42 swans a-swimming (again, not getting into how they are swimming), 40 maids a-milking (which means there are 40 cows or goats or something!!!), 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords a-leaping, 22 pipers piping (with 12 pipes), and 12 drummers drumming (with 12 drums) for a grand total of 364 items (minus their accompanying items). This is based on the version of the song people might use when thinking about the song as it relates to catechism and important aspects of the Christian faith.
There are actually several different versions of the round, which some say was originally French, including versions where the gift is given by “my mother” instead of “my true love.” The song’s popularity dates back at least as far as 1780, when it was first published in London, England as “The Twelve Days of Christmas sung at King Pepin’s Ball.” It was published in a children’s book called Mirth without Mischief and, as no music was included, people used different tunes until 1909 when the English composer Frederic Austin set and published it to his arrangement of a traditional folk melody. A lot of variations in the gifts, the descriptions of the gifts, and the order of the gifts happened long before Austin’s version, but he is definitely credited with elongating the “five golden rings;” changing a few phrasings to match the music; and changing the description of the birds on the fourth day from a species or color (as indicated in earlier versions) to “calling birds” – meaning they sing. In 1966, a version was published with the gifts being “given” instead of “sent” and prior to that, in 1892, there was a version where the gifts were “brought.” Note, however, that no versions (as far as I know) mention the gifts being “bought.”
The fact that the gifts are not referenced as being purchased is a good reminder that at certain points in time, the gifts themselves would have been seen as currency. Each item or service could be bartered or traded. But, as so many people today only seem to understand the value of something when there is a price tag attached, let’s consider the actual cost of the “12 Days of Christmas.”
“The first day of Christmas my true love sent to me….”
– quoted from “The Twelve Days of Christmas sung at King Pepin’s Ball” printed in MIRTH WITHOUT MISCHIEF. CONTAINING THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS; THE PLAY OF THE GAPING-WIDE-MOUTHED-WADLING-FROG; LOVE AND HATRED; THE ART OF TALKING WITH THE FINGERS; AND NIMBLE NED’S ALPHABET AND FIGURES. Printed in London by J. Davenport, George’s Court, for C. Sheppard, No. 8, Aylefbury Street, Clerkenwell (1870)
According to PNC Financial Services Group’s annual “Christmas Price Index” (which they have issued for 37 years), the total cost for 2019 was $170, 298.03, which was just barely more than the 2018 cost. In 2020, however, the cost is $105, 561.80. Why the huge decrease, you ask? COVID. Yes, this year’s index pays the “maids a-milking” the US Federal minimum wage, but assumes they are only available because they are practicing social distancing guidelines; and it does not include the dancing ladies, leaping lords, pipers, or drummers. Now, if you or your love is in an area where COVID is under control, the price would go up. Same thing if you figured out a virtual option. And, that increase would make the grand total significantly higher than last year’s cost since, with the exception of the swans – which apparently are always the highest priced item on the list – all but one set of bird gifts increased in price. The gold rings also increased in price, because… you guessed it, COVID. Now, we’re not quite to my million dollar assumption, but keep in mind that the index does not include transportation, storage, upkeep, and/or any of the accompanying materials referenced in the parenthesis above.
Bottom line, though, it’s a lot of money. Now, consider for a moment that the song is not about the price tag. It’s not about the money. It’s about the love. Attaching a price tag simply brings awareness to the value of expressing love when your “love language” is giving/receiving gifts. It doesn’t take into consideration the value of “quality time,” “physical touch,” “words of affirmation,” or “acts of service” – and it definitely distracts from the fact that love is priceless.
Also priceless, is faith and the Divine gifts of love that people receive from their faith. For those of you keeping track of the gifts related to the catechism myth, today’s gifts and symbols are: “a partridge in a pear tree” for Jesus (and the cross); “two turtle doves” representing the Old and New Testament; “three French Hens” for the theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Charity (Love); “four calling birds” for the four canonical New Testament Gospels (or their corresponding evangelicals, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John); and “five gold rings” are the first Five Books of the Hebrew Bible and the Christian Old Testament which provide the back story for the three Abrahamic religions. I would argue that just as faith is priceless, so too is knowing one’s back story.
“‘The beauty of Kwanzaa is it doesn’t start Black history from slavery. It actually starts us as inventors of civilizations, people who first broke from the animal world, spoke the first human truths, wrote the first basic texts of human knowledge, and so on. That’s what Kwanzaa does, it gives us a long memory—a long cultural biography.’”
– Dr. Adam Clark, Associate Professor of Theology at Xavier University and founder/co-editor of Columbia University’s “Black Theology Papers Project” (quoted in the Oprah Magazine article “The Principles and Meaning of Kwanzaa: The holiday is a call to celebrate the richness of what it means to have African roots” by Stephanie L. King (Dec. 7, 2020)
The principle for today, the fourth day of Kwanzaa, is Ujamaa (cooperative economics), which is described as “To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.” It is associated with the second red candle, which is the symbol for struggle. Now, superficially, it is easy to look at other minority communities and how they have built and supported minority business almost since the set foot on American soil and wonder why the idea of “cooperative economics” would be associated with struggle. But, to wonder about such a thing is to ignore the history of slavery and American economics. To wonder about such a thing is to ignore how slavery was the original bedrock of economics in the United States and that for much of this country’s history, people of African descent were not only not paid for their labor and goods, they were not allowed to engage in trade or decide how they wanted to participate in the economy. Additionally, when slavery legally ended (and slave owners were paid for their losses), the vast majority of freed people still labored under the same (slave) conditions. Continue through history and there is more than one example of situations where people were (legally) paid less for their work than what they were expected to pay for food and lodging.
To add to the struggle, a debate that started in the late 19th century continues to this day. Most people associate the two sides of the debate with W. E. B. Du Bois and Booker T. Washington. Both were educated and both were leaders in the Black community. To a certain degree, they even had the ear of the establishment. However, they had very different ideas about the best way for former slaves and their descendants to actively participate in and benefit from the US economy.
In a nutshell, Mr. Washington advocated sticking to what people knew (from slavery) and becoming (scholastically) educated in agriculture, crafts, and other trades they had done during slavery. He also encouraged people to purchase property and to be patient when faced with discrimination (even if that discrimination hindered them in pursuing education and the opportunity to purchase property). On the flip side, Mr. Du Bois was considered a radical who believed in an “intellectual” education that would create what he called the “Talented Tenth” – the best and the brightest college educated individuals who could instigate activism in the streets as well as in the courts and in the boardrooms. As I said, this debate continues, in part because the stigma, racism, and prejudice associated with slavery still exists.
“‘Kwanzaa offers a new dialogue on Black culture, about our positive contributions to the world, and not just the negative stigma of race.’”
– Dr. Adam Clark, Associate Professor of Theology at Xavier University and founder/co-editor of Columbia University’s “Black Theology Papers Project” (quoted in the Oprah Magazine article “The Principles and Meaning of Kwanzaa: The holiday is a call to celebrate the richness of what it means to have African roots” by Stephanie L. King (Dec. 7, 2020)
Tuesday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
“Umoja (unity)—To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.
Kujichagulia (self-determination)—To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.
Ujima (collective work and responsibility)—To build and maintain our community together and make our brother’s and sister’s problems our problems and to solve them together.
Ujamaa (cooperative economics)—To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.
Nia (purpose)—To make our collective vocation the building and development of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
Kuumba (creativity)—To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
Imani (faith)—To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.”
– The Nguzo Saba (or “Seven Essential Pillars”) of Kwanzaa
CHECK OUT THE CALENDAR! This Friday (January 1, 2021) is the First Friday in 2021! You can kick off New Year’s Day 2 ways: with the very active practice of 108 Sun Salutations at 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM or with the very “chill” practice of Yin+Meditation practice beginning at 5:00 PM – 7:00 PM. All times are Central Standard. Details are posted on the “Class Schedules” calendar.
### CAN YOU SEE CLEARLY NOW? ###
Appreciate the Power by Using the Power, Wisely December 28, 2020
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Abhyasa, Art, Books, Changing Perspectives, Christmas, Confessions, Depression, Faith, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Movies, Mysticism, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Religion, Suffering, Super Heroes, Tragedy, Vairagya, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: 12 Days of Christmas, Art Simek, Childermas, Feast of the Holy Innocents, Jack Kirby, Kwanzaa, MCU, Neil Ellis Orts, Nguzo Saba, siddhis, Stan Lee, Sāmkhya Karika, Twelvetide, Ujima, Vince Colletta
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[“Kwanzaa, yenu iwe na heri!” – “May your Kwanzaa be happy!” to everyone who is celebrating! May you have a meaningful observation if your focus is on the Innocents.]
[The 75-minute Common Ground Meditation Center practice, in the spirit of generosity (“dana”), is freely given and freely received. You can use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. You can request an audio recording of Monday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
If you are able to support the center and its teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” my other practices, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.)
Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.]
“…aware at last that in this world, with great power there must also come — great responsibility!”
– quoted from Amazing Fantasy #15 by Stan Lee, et al (August 1962)
I can’t help it. I’m sorry (not sorry), but I. Just. Can’t. Help. It! When I think of responsibility one of the first things that pops into my head is that famous line from the 1962 introduction of Spiderman. Then I start thinking about Stan Lee…
Born today in 1922 (as Stanley Lieber), Stan Lee did not invent the phrase or the sentiment many associate with Peter Parker and his uncle Ben Parker. He did, however, make it wildly popular and combined it with the awareness that everyone can do something to help alleviate the struggles and suffering of others. After all, for the most part, Lee’s characters in the Marvel Universe were not and are not (initially or typically) perfect alien humanoids without a care in the world. They were not sent to Earth to save humankind. No, they were making their home a better place.
And, Lee’s characters were just like his readers: people with very human fears, flaws and insecurities; people with bad tempers, impatience, fits of melancholy and vanity; people who bickered, worried about paying their bills, worried about impressing a love interest; and people who got bored or even sick. They were people – like the Fantastic Four (1961), Spiderman (1962), X-Men, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Dr. Strange, Daredevil, the Avengers (1963), and Black Panther (1966) – who had to reconcile their abilities, their sometimes suddenly discovered powers, with all the need in the world… and the fact that people often thought they were freaks … and the fact that they couldn’t always solve every problem. But, neither, could they look away.
We are all able to do something. Sometimes we think what we are able to do is not much – which can be a self defeating attitude. Sometimes that attitude comes from not think about people who are not able (physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or energetically) to do what we can do. Nor do we always think about the importance of doing things the special way we do them. In neglecting to appreciate what we have to offer, we run the risk of missing an opportunity to make the world a better place.
“‘Nevermore shall men make slaves of others! Not in Asgard — not on Earth — not any place where the hammer of Thor can be swung — or where men of good faith hold freedom dear!’”
– quoted from the end panel of “Tales of Asgard, Home of the Mighty Norse Gods: Trapped by the Trolls” in Journey Into Mystery Volume I, with the Mighty Thor #108 (1964) by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Vince Colletta, Art Simek, et al (1964)
Ultimately, each Marvel character is charged with doing “what they can, as much as they can, for as long as they can” in order to help the people around them. While that description fits two of the Nguzo Saba, or Seven Principles of Kwanzaa, today I’m mostly going to focus on today’s principle, the third principle; Ujima (collective work and responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brother’s and sister’s problems our problems and to solve them together. Ujima is connected to the first green candle on the kinara (special candelabra), which is a symbol of the future and prompts celebrants to consider a future free of some of our current struggles, suffering, and plights.
We may not be able to travel through time and change the future like Dr. Strange, Rina Patel, or Iron Lad, but each of us has the power to consider cause-and-effect. We can take a look at how our past actions are reflected in our current circumstances and how our actions in this moment are the seeds that blossom into “tomorrow’s” circumstances. In fact, in the Yoga tradition such abilities are included in a list of siddhis, supernormal “powers” or abilities.
Some siddhis very much seem like Marvel Universe powers or Jedi Knight Tricks. However, there are six that are described as being “powers unique to being human.” We not only find these specifically human powers (as described in the Sāmkhya Karika) in every Marvel comic book, we find them in every one of ourselves:
- the power of discovery (i.e., intuitive knowledge);
- the power “to give a form to sound, assign meaning to each segment of sound, and to store both sound and meaning in memory….[and] the capacity to communicate both sound and its meaning to others. We also have the capacity to give a visual form to each segment of sound and the meaning associated with it[;]”
- the power to “study, analyze, and comprehend” abstract ideas no matter how they are (effectively) communicated;
- the power to eliminate “three-fold sorrow – physical, mental, and spiritual;”
- the power to “[cultivate] a good heart; finding friends;”
- the power of dana, which is “the ability to give.”
In addition to being the Stan Lee’s birthday and the third day of Kwanzaa, today corresponds with the third or fourth day of the “12 Days of Christmas” (depending on when you start counting). For those of you keeping track of the gifts related to the catechism myth, today’s gifts and symbols are: “a partridge in a pear tree” for Jesus (and the cross); “two turtle doves” representing the Old and New Testament; “three French Hens” for the theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Charity (Love); and “four calling birds” for the four canonical New Testament Gospels (or their corresponding evangelicals, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John).
Finally, as many Christians (and in particular Catholics) observe these days between Christmas and Epiphany as “fast free days,” I will mention that one of the feast days associated with today is the Feast of the Holy Innocents, also known as Childermas or Innocents Day. This is a day devoted to the remembrance of young children killed in Bethlehem when King Herod the Great learned that the Magi, at the suggestion of an angel, had tricked him and would not lead him back to the newborn Jesus. This day (today in Western Christianity, but December 29th in some Eastern traditions) has been observed as a fast day and was even, at one time, associated with practices considered a mockery of the faith and religion. However, today some consider it a day for children to be children… and do the things that children do (especially when they do not fear persecution, oppression, hunger, famine, or disease).
“All six of these stories – nearly half the stories in the book – speak to me of a longing in our human condition, a desire for more life (either here or in the hereafter) or a desire to turn regrets around to something joyous….
None of the characters in this collection are more powerful than a locomotive, none are faster than a speeding bullet, but what they are able to do, I believe, reveals something of our desires, something of our humanity – the best and worst in us.”
– quoted from the introduction to able to…: a literary look at super powers by…, edited by Neil Ellis Orts
There is no playlist for the Common Ground practices.
“Umoja (unity)—To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.
Kujichagulia (self-determination)—To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.
Ujima (collective work and responsibility)—To build and maintain our community together and make our brother’s and sister’s problems our problems and to solve them together.
Ujamaa (cooperative economics)—To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.
Nia (purpose)—To make our collective vocation the building and development of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
Kuumba (creativity)—To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
Imani (faith)—To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.”
– The Nguzo Saba (or “Seven Essential Pillars”) of Kwanzaa
CHECK OUT THE CALENDAR! This Friday (January 1, 2021) is the First Friday Night Special in 2021! You can kick off New Year’s Day 2 ways: with the very active practice of 108 Sun Salutations at 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM or with the very “chill” practice of Yin+Meditation practice beginning at 5:00 PM – 7:00 PM. All times are Central Standard. You can offer a donation for either practice. Details are posted on the “Class Schedules” calendar.
### You’ve Got the Power! ###
Living “A (SAD) Wonderful Life” (the Sunday post) December 21, 2020
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Abhyasa, Art, Books, Changing Perspectives, Christmas, Depression, Faith, Gratitude, Healing Stories, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Movies, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Religion, Suffering, Tragedy, Vairagya, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: Anointed, Charles Dickens, Clarence Odbody, Frank Capra, George Bailey, It's A Wonderful Life, mental health, Philip Van Doren Stern, SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder
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[This is the post for Sunday, December 20th. You can request an audio recording of Sunday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.)]
“Every time you hear a bell ring, it means that some angel’s just got his wings.”
– Clarence Odbody (AS2) in It’s A Wonderful Life
Even people who don’t celebrate Christmas, as a religious holiday or otherwise, may have a favorite Christmas story or carol. These stories – which become such perennial favorites they are often turned into plays, ballets, musicals, and all manners of pageants – are full of not only the trappings and traditions of Christmas, but also the spirit. You may think the spirit of which I speak is the hope, the cheer, and the good tidings; but, one consistent element in these stories is grief, desolation, isolation, sadness – and yes, also SAD-ness.
The Greatest Gift was self-published by its author, Philip Van Doren Stern, in 1943 – exactly 100 years after Charles Dickens first published A Christmas Carol. In fact, Stern (who was half Jewish) was partially inspired by the Dickens-classic. Although the story takes place at Christmastime and was initially sent out as Stern’s 1943 Christmas cards, the author intend the story to be universal. The following year the story was picked up by a two different magazines (including Good Housekeeping, which called it “The Man Who Was Never Born”) and a movie production company. By 1945, the original movie rights for The Greatest Gift had been sold to director and producer Frank Capra, who would change the title and tweak some of the details.
Current fans of Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life, which premiered today in 1946, might be surprised to learn that the movie was not an instant success. The movie’s general release faced stiff competition from movies like Stairway to Heaven (released as A Matter of Life and Death in the UK) and Miracle on 34th Street – both of which shared elements of fatalism vs. free will, life vs. death, and hope vs. despair, as well as bumbling “angels” (in the former) and adorable children (in the latter). There was also drama behind the scenes and, ultimately, proceeds from the initial release barely covered the production cost. But, like A Christmas Carol, Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life featured a protagonist who could have had SAD and who experienced a major shift because of spiritual intercession. Only, in the case of the movie, the spirit was actually an angel.
“You’ve been given a great gift, George, a chance to see what the world would be like without you.”
– Clarence Odbody (AS2) in It’s A Wonderful Life
In the movie, Angel 2nd Class Clarence Odbody (portrayed by Henry Travers) must convince 38-year old George Bailey (immortalized by Jimmy Stewart) that his life is “wonderful”… or, at least worth living. Unlike Ebenezer Scrooge, Bailey has spent his life trying to help others, but a mistake – involving his good intentions and his own personal “Scrooge,” Mr. Potter (portrayed by Lionel Barrymore, who actually spent 20 years portraying “Scrooge”) – leads to criminal charges and the feeling that nothing he has ever done in his life makes a difference.
The truly ironic, and potentially tragic, part of George Bailey’s life is that he made a significant difference in his community. He saved more than one life and, on more than one occasion, gave up his savings to help others. He absolutely lived a life that was the embodiment of those last three siddhis (“powers”) unique to being human: the capacity to eliminate three-fold sorrow; the cultivation of a good heart (which is the ability to make friends); and generosity (the ability to give). Yet, in a moment of weakness, Bailey neglects to recognize his own power or potential. He has thoughts of self harm – one of the symptoms of SAD.
“Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. And when he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”
“You see George; you really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?”
– Clarence Odbody (AS2) in It’s A Wonderful Life
Real life is different from a novella by Dickens, a short story by Stern, or a movie by Capra; in part because there’s not a writer or director making sure the intervention happens. Also, not everything gets tied up at the end. However, if you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms associated with SAD, it is important to take two big lessons from these fictional works: 1. You are not alone. 2. You can get help.
The ghosts in Dickens’s classic and the angel who gets his wings by helping out a good person are (literally) inspired symbols. They are the spirits or real people. (Sometimes they are even “strange” people, like in The Greatest Gift.) In real life, we are each other’s Christmas Past, Present, and Not Yet – just as we are each other’s guardian angels. We can show up for each other – and we must show up for each other. Real life is different in that sometimes the person that needs help has to ask for help (and/or the people around them have to notice what constitutes “a cry for help.”) In real life, happy endings don’t just happen; we have to make them happen.
“Please! I want to live again. I want to live again. I want to live again. Please, God, let me live again.”
– George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life
Sunday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also call the TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
“George Bailey: You know what the three most exciting sounds in the world are?
Uncle Billy: Uh-huh. Breakfast is served, lunch is served, dinner…
George Bailey: No, no, no, no! Anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles.”
– quoted from It’s A Wonderful Life
### “Gotta love it… gotta live it… try to savor every moment” ~Anointed ###
“Bah Humbug!” & Other SAD Sayings (the Saturday post) December 20, 2020
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Books, Changing Perspectives, Christmas, Depression, Faith, Fitness, Food, Healing Stories, Health, Hope, Karma Yoga, Life, Loss, Meditation, Movies, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Religion, Suffering, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens, Christmas, mental health, SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, winter, yoga sutra 2.18, Yoga Sutra 2.20, Yoga Sutra 2.51-2.52
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[This is the post for Saturday, December 19th (and a prelude for Sunday the 20th). You can request an audio recording of Saturday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es). Donations are tax deductible; class purchases are not necessarily deductible.)]
Yoga Sūtra 2.51: bāhyābhyantaravişayākşepī caturthah
– “The fourth [prāņāyāma] goes beyond, or transcends, the internal and external objects.”
Yoga Sūtra 2.52: tatah kşīyate prakāśāvaraņam
– “Then the veil over the [Inner] Light deteriorates.”
Patanjali spends a good portion of the Yoga Sūtras extolling the benefits of focusing on the breath and breathing in a way that balances (and calms) the mind-body. The benefits mentioned include physical vitality and clarity of mind. Another, connected, benefit is accessing the part of our mind-body that is “free of sorrow and [always] full of light.” Ultimately, he also points to the powers (siddhis) experienced by those who achieve clarity and luminosity. One such power is the ability to clear see (and understand) past, present, and future.
The ability to see (and understand) past, present, and future is the power of cause-and-effect. It is a power we all have; however it is a power often shrouded under the veil of avidyā (“ignorance”) and illusion. Such ignorance and illusion is part of our lived experience and is further enhanced by experiences that reinforce the ignorance and illusion. Patanjali very clearly indicates that everything in the perceivable world “has a twofold purpose: fulfillment and freedom” (YS 2.18), but that we can only see (and understand) what our mind is ready to see and understand (YS 2.20).
It seems like a circle of confusion (or ignorance) out of which we cannot escape. Yet, if we take a breath, things can become a little clearer. We start to see how we are tied – shackled or fettered – to what we know, based on what was previously known.
“‘You are fettered,’ said Scrooge, trembling. ‘Tell me why?’
‘I wear the chain I forged in life,’ replied the Ghost. ‘I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.’”
– quoted from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
A year or two ago, if someone had said that people all over the world would be rushing around less and spending more time at home with their family (and occasionally mingling with a small bubble of close friends), most of us would have (unequivocally) thought it was a good thing. If someone had said people would be as focused – if not more focused – on how they could celebrate the holidays and observe traditions as opposed to working, I might have even applauded. After all, I have spent a lot of winters talking about the benefits of slowing down (like everything else in nature) instead of speeding up and have spent many a holiday emphasizing the importance of ritual and tradition.
Those hypothetical conversations, however, would have occurred in another time and place…. a time and place “before.” They would have occurred without the circumstances we face today – circumstances that actually make it easier to be a bit of a Scrooge and/or experience a little SADness. I say “and/or,” but I’m really not sure, when you think about it that there’s always a difference. After all, as much as we see Ebenezer Scrooge as a curmudgeonly miser, who is to say he didn’t have SAD?
“‘Uncle!’ pleaded the nephew.
‘Nephew!’ returned the uncle sternly, ‘keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.’
‘Keep it!’ repeated Scrooge’s nephew. ‘But you don’t keep it.’”
– quoted from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of clinical depression that affects about 3 million people in the United States each year. About 5% of adults with SAD experience it for 40% of the year and people with bipolar disorder may notice huge mood shifts based on the change in season. Symptoms can include lack of energy, moodiness, changes in eating habits, weight fluctuation, changes in sleeping habits, loss of interest in social engagement or work, difficulty concentrating, and thought of self harm. Most people associate SAD with the “winter blues” or the “winter blahs” – and it is definitely linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain that is related to shorter days and a lack of sunlight in the Fall/Winter. However, people can also experience SAD (sometimes referred to, in layman’s terms, as “Reverse SAD”) in the Spring/Summer.
An old friend of mine who lives with “Reverse SAD” (we’ll call her “Christmas Past”) said that one of the hardest parts for her is the lack of awareness – and that fact that people think you can “just get over it.” That last part is an all too common misconception based on the following facts:
(a) Everyone experiences a shift in their biological clock (or circadian rhythms) as the seasons change, and that shift affects our brains;
(b) A lot of people struggle during the holidays;
(c) For most, symptoms will change as the seasons change; and
(d) When we are experience general sadness we can still feel some level of joy or happiness, but depression can mute people’s overall experience of life.
Furthermore, while symptoms can pass, in the base case, the longer the brain spirals down – and is left chemically out of balance – the harder it is for the mind-body to shift back into balance. When you add in the fact that depression is often accompanied by thoughts of self harming, there is sometimes not enough time for “time” to be the healer.
Unless, of course, “time” is a metaphor.
“‘But you were always a good man of business, Jacob’ faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself. ‘Business!’ cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. ‘Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, benevolence, were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!’”
– quoted from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
A Christmas Carol, the novella by Charles Dickens, features a grouchy old business man who is visited by ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come (often referred to in theatrical productions as “Christmas Future”). First published today in 1843, it was the fourth Christmas story the author had written and, like his others, it was influenced by what people were experience at the time and Dickens’s own experiences. First, as a child, Dickens had experienced a change of fortune and ended up, as an adult, having to work his way up from poverty. However, just before writing A Christmas Carol he had visited one of the Raggedy Schools (for destitute children) and was appalled at the conditions. He felt that people who were in the position to do something – not only to improve the children’s living and working conditions, but also their future prospects – should be encouraged to do what they could and that the holiday season was a good time for that encouragement. Finally, people were changing their engagement with the holiday. There were new additions to the celebrations (like the Christmas tree) and people were fluctuating between emphasizing the religious aspects of Christmas and the more secular traditions.
Dickens definitely portrays Scrooge as a bad guy who is redeemable; he just needs a push in the right direction. Various people, including Scrooge’s nephew try to push him into the holiday spirit, but he doesn’t feel it and doesn’t see the value in it. He needs more than a “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” to counteract his “Bah Humbug.” He needs something to change his engagement of spirit. The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come facilitate this change by talking to him and showing him different perspectives of his own life.
“‘Let me leave it alone, then,’ said Scrooge. ‘Much good may it do you! Much good it has ever done you!’
‘There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say,’ returned the nephew. ‘Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round – apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that – as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!’”
– quoted from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
One perspective is that, left to his own devices, Scrooge would have kept spiraling down. In the process of spiraling down (all the while thinking about the ways he could spiral his bank account up), Scrooge would have continued to make himself and the people around him miserable. Then there is the possibility that he could make the world around him a better place – and that, ultimately, it wouldn’t really cost him much. But, first, he had to be able to see the possibility.
Some people view A Christmas Carol as a secular holiday tale; others see it as Christian allegory. I see both sides of that coin, but also consider that there is a mental health message within the text. Even if Scrooge is a “scrooge,” he also exhibits all the characteristics of someone who is unhappy because his mind-body is out of balance. (When you think about it, it’s not surprising given how much he works, and how little work-life balance Dickens gives him!) All that said, anyone of us can be scrooge. So, it’s important to note that there is a lot we can do to help our mind-bodies find balance. It is equally important to know when we need some external intercession. SAD treatment can include light therapy, talk therapy, changes in diet and exercise, antidepressants, and/or a combination of the above.
“He went to the church, and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and for, and patted the children on the head, and questioned beggars, and looked down into the kitchens of homes, and up to the windows, and found that everything could yield him pleasure. He had never dreamed of any walk, that anything, could give him so much happiness.”
– quoted from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Saturday’s playlist is available on YouTube and Spotify.
If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also call the TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).
“‘I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.’”
– quoted from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
### “‘…as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!’” ###
A Date We Remember December 7, 2020
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Books, Changing Perspectives, Confessions, Healing Stories, Health, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Men, One Hoop, Pain, Peace, Philosophy, Science, Suffering, Tragedy, Vipassana, Wisdom, Writing, Yoga.Tags: Blackened Canteen Ceremony, David Montero, Don Stratton, Dr. Hiroya Sugano, Ed McGrath, FDR, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Fukumatsu Ito, Ken Potts, Lauren Bruner, Leslie Kaminoff, Lou Contor, Pearl Harbor, Richard Rovesk, Susan Keating, USS Arizona
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[The 75-minute Common Ground Meditation Center practice, in the spirit of generosity (“dana”), is freely given and freely received. You can use the link from the “Class Schedules” calendar if you run into any problems checking into the class. You can request an audio recording of Monday’s practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email me at myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.
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“We have to do something in our bodies; it not just a switch in the central nervous system that shuts them off. We have to actually dampen the spaces, the sensory spaces, in our system where the emotions are experienced. You’re doing something – with your breathing mechanism – which by definition affects your posture. It affects your relationship to gravity, when you’re walking around in this state of suppressed breath. Suppressed breath is by definition suppressed emotions, and vice versa…. and can contribute to the pain.”
– quoted from Q&A about “Emotions – Back Pain – Yoga: What do they have in common?” from Yoga Anatomy to Life Online by Leslie Kaminoff
Samasthiti (“Equal-Standing”), which is also Tādāsana (“Mountain” Pose), is something I often equate with standing at attention; like a soldier, you are ready for what comes next. When standing at attention properly, the spine is long, the core is engage, the kneecaps are lifted – but not locked – and the soldier can breathe deeply in, and breathe deeply out. There’s another way of “standing at attention” from martial arts that is a little looser in the limbs, but no less erect in the spine. I mention all of this in part, because it is the exact opposite bearing of someone who has experienced trauma and especially someone who has been attacked by surprise. The trauma, and the surprise of the attack, can leave a person hunched over and either panting, shallow breathing, and/or holding their breath – especially if they are still under attack. They are no longer ready, even if they are braced for what comes next.
I was thinking about the way we stand and move today, as I was re-reading a Los Angeles Times article about Lauren Bruner and Ed McGrath. Long story, short, Mr. McGrath wrote a book about U. S. Navy Fire Control Chief Petty Officer Lauren Bruner, who was the “Second to the Last to Leave” the USS Arizona today in 1941, when the USS Arizona was sunk during the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor. When he passed last September, he was the “last to return” – as the other three survivors (Don Stratton, who passed earlier this year; Lou Contor; and Ken Potts all intended to be interred with their families.)
The Imperial Japanese Navy ordered 353 bombers, fighter plans, and torpedo planes to attack 8 U. S. Navy ships in Pearl Harbor, Oahu, Hawaii. The 2,400-plus men and women who died in the attack were the US’s first military casualties of World War II – even though the country wasn’t then involved in the war. Almost half of those casualties (1,700 sailors and Marines) were on the USS Arizona.
“Yesterday, December 7, 1941 – a date which will live in infamy –“
– quoted from the December 8, 1941 speech to the Joint Session of the U. S. Congress by President Franklin D. Roosevelt
The attack, the first of its kind on American soil, drew the United States into the war; which led to the retaliation strikes in Japan – including the 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki (which killed between 129,000 – 226,000). The United States engagement in World War II, including the atomic bombings, led to the end of the war and, most importantly, the end of the Holocaust (thereby saving millions of lives). But the article wasn’t really about the attack so much as it was about the friendship that formed between two men and how that friendship led to healing.
What I originally remembered about the Los Angeles Times article by David Montero was how Mr. McGrath contacted a dozen survivors of the attack because he wanted to make a documentary – and that retired Fire Control Chief Petty Officer Bruner was the only person who responded. I remembered that the latter hadn’t talked about his experiences for multiple decades and that he didn’t initially talk about them to Mr. McGrath. I vaguely remembered that the Sailor was supposed to meet a beautiful woman for a first date, that never happened, and the dual images he recalled of two Sailors that he thought were OK, but clearly were not.
Oddly, I also remembered that he outlived four wives and/or significant girlfriends. Finally, I remembered being struck by how the lives of the two men changed as they continued to have conversations, conversations about life… and then, eventually, about the morning of Sunday, December 7, 1941. I remember thinking about finding Second to the Last to Leave USS Arizona: Memoir of a Sailor – The Lauren F. Bruner Story by Ed McGrath and reading more. There were a couple of things, however, very significant things, that I did not remember.
“My name is Lou Conter and like Lauren Bruner I was a crew member on the USS Arizona and today I am one of its last survivors. Lauren is my friend. I have this book from cover to cover, and I know how difficult some of its chapters were for him to write. I want to assure anyone who is considering to read Second to the Last to Leave, that Lauren’s story is exactly how it was, and a Hell on Earth for every crew member.”
– Lou Conter, QM3/c (Quartermaster, USS Arizona crew member and survivor)
I did not remember how badly Chief Petty Officer Bruner was injured. How after being shot, suffering burns over two-thirds of his body – including his hands – he “spent several months recovering in a hospital before ultimately taking an assignment as a gun captain on a destroyer in the Pacific theater in 1942.” Today I was struck by how that was even possible. It was a miracle that he and four other badly burned Sailors managed to escape the sinking battleship, but that he would return to battle. Then I learned that two of the three other survivors, still living at the time of the article, had also returned to service – despite their severe attack-related injuries! How would that look – how would that feel – to return to a profession where you are required to be “at the ready” after experiencing so much? How could you stand at a attention after enduring so much?
Yes, yes, I know that not every job in the military requires one to stand at attention for long periods of time. That wasn’t the point of my question. What I really want to know is how do you breathe and how does that affect your life (and your capacity to heal).
“‘Being able to tell him what happened lifted a great weight from my shoulders,’ Bruner says now….
‘I told Ed the books so I wouldn’t have to talk about it again.’”
– quoted from the Los Angeles Times article “A Pearl Harbor survivor spent decades trying to forget it. Then one man got him talking.” By David Montero
Chief Petty Officer Lauren Bruner said that the more he talked about his life, in general, the fewer nightmares he had. I imagine that “great weight” coming off of him – a weight he didn’t realize he was physically carrying – made it easier to breathe. His friendship with Ed McGrath was like a crane that helped lift that weight. It was something neither of them saw coming… and I think healing often begins like that.
A lot of stories come to mind when I think of healing beginning in unlikely places, especially as it relates to World War II and the attack on Pearl Harbor. One of those stories is the story of the blackened canteen ceremony, which started in Shizuoka, Japan in 1945.
According to the stories, during the raids over Shizuoka (which killed over 2,000 Japanese), two B-29’s crashed in mid-air. A Buddhist man, Fukumatsu Ito (who later became a monk), buried anyone killed during the raids – including all 23 members of the American aircrew. Mr. Ito found a blackened and crushed canteen as he was recovering the bodies from the crash and every year, on the June 20th anniversary of their deaths, he would pour whiskey from the canteen on a cross he had erected in their honor.
In 1972, Mr. Ito invited Americans from Yokota Air Base to the ceremony and, as he was aging, decided to pass the torch…er, canteen to a younger man, Dr. Hiroya Sugano. Dr. Sugano, who was 12 during the 1945 raids, was inspired by his grandfather (also a doctor) to honor all who had served during the conflict – regardless of their nationality. In 1992, the ritual of pouring whiskey from the canteen and sprinkling flowers petals into the water became a ritual during Pearl Harbor commemorations.
I could not confirm if, or how, the Blackened Canteen Ceremony was offered publicly this year. However, today I think of it, Fukumatsu Ito, Dr. Hiroya Sugano, and the friendship between U. S. Navy Fire Control Chief Petty Officer Lauren Bruner and Ed McGrath. I think of the healing that came from those friendships and from the simplest of gestures – being present with someone and their memories.
“‘The Blackened Canteen ceremony is more than appropriate,’ says [Richard] Rovesk. “Our two countries need to be role models during these difficult times in this turbulent and even dangerous world.”
– quoted from the People Magazine article “Long-Ago Secret Ceremony of the Crushed Canteen Now a Staple at Pearl Harbor” by Susan Keating (published 12/07/2018)
There is no playlist for the Common Ground practices.
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Who She Was (Is Who She Is) December 7, 2020
Posted by ajoyfulpractice in Books, Healing Stories, Life, Loss, Love, Music, Philosophy, Texas, Vairagya, Wisdom, Writing.Tags: Amber Iman, Bert, Cynthia Erivo, eulogy, FDR, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, M. H. Clark, OAR, Pastor Johnson
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“A single life touches many hearts…. this reflective space is here for sharing thoughts of a loved one and record memories of a life that will be forever remembered.”
– quoted from I Am Her: She Writes Her Story, Day by Day. And Every Word is True. By M. H. Clark
December 7th always sticks in my head for two reasons. First, in 1941, it became what President Franklin Delano Roosevelt called “a date which will live in infamy” – and the events of that day will come be the focus of a second blog post and this evening’s class. A few years later, this became my mother’s birth date. As many of you know, my mother did not make it to today, her 73rd birthday. During her funeral, my brother eulogized her and asked that his dear friend, Pastor Johnson, complete the eulogy. It was seamless and, well… they said I could share their eloquence.
“Profound, inspirational, and touched my heart.
Now, when anybody asks how Bert did, you can say, ‘What he said at the beginning was profound, inspirational, and touched my heart.’
When I was about 3, I jumped in the driver’s seat of the family car and found the only car in the cul-de-sac and hit it. So, from the beginning, I was a handful. My mother always used to talk about how I sat in an ant mound and let the ants bite me. So, at a young age, everyone could tell I was a little off.
Some would say I was the black sheep of the family. You hear all the time, a mother’s love is unconditional; but, I can say firsthand, I tested that theory over and over again.
Ahma, the name Eric gave her, would always get upset with me and say, “OK Bert, you’re always right.” And I would say, “You always told me I could do anything I wanted to be so I decided I would be right all the time.”
I would love to say we saw eye-to-eye all the time, but that wouldn’t be true. But, I can honestly say I grew up privileged. So much so that in high school they called Ahma and Hey ‘The Huxtables.’
Y’all remember back in the day you had to be home when the street lights came on. II had ignored that rule several times and I was in a crowd of kids, and we say a silhouette coming up the street with what looked like a long snake in her hand. But it wasn’t a snake. It was a nicely sized belt for me.
And the time my ‘big’ brother – I only say big brother because his girth is larger than mine – he fell one night and Hey was at work in DC. It was late and we had to jump in this convertible with a bad top; so we had to let it down and when I say it was cold…that would be an understatement.
Another time, I had been grounded and wanted to go to the ‘After the Homecoming’ and hangout. She let me go on the condition that she shadowed me the whole time. I realized all this was the love she had for me. At the age of 14, I became a very angry child. And about the age of 17, Ahma came to me and asked point blank, ‘Is this the reason?’ And I lied and said, ‘Why would you ask me something like that!’ But I knew she knew.
One time, 2 years ago, Hey got one of those scam calls where they say your son is in jail and needs money. Ahma immediately called ‘Chell and said, ‘What do we need to do to get him out.’ Not, ‘Oh my God, what did he do now?’ What I’m saying is, she was always there and a lot of times she didn’t want me to know it was her.
On August 7th, my mother went from a physical person I could touch and hug, to memories and pictures. I know from the day we are born the hour glass starts running and nobody but God knows how much sand is in the glass. But, even though we know this, and we know God does everything for a reason, it still don’t make sense.
Ahma asked a lot of times, what I was running from and the answer is hurt and pain. And I think sometimes that I would go before a lot of people. Pam, Ahma’s grandmother, was well in her hundreds. Miss Jean fought cancer and was in her 90’s when she passed. So, who would expect my loving mother would go so soon.
In closing, time is precious. Never take anybody for granted that you love. Tell them every chance you get. My last words to my mother were, ‘No, I don’t want to fly. Let me call you back.’ I’ve got a lot of condolences and ‘sorry for your loss,’ but I would trade them all for 30 more minutes with her.
Everyone says, don’t think of the loss; think of the good time and thank God for the time you had – and that’s true. And no matter what, we are all blessed and we should never complain. And because of that I thank God, even though…”
“I’ve had some good days.
I’ve had some hills to climb.
I’ve had some weary days
And some sleepless nights
But when I, when I look around
And I think things over,
All of my good days
Outweigh my bad days.
I, I won’t complain.”
– the beginning of the song “I Won’t Complain,” sung a cappella by Pastor Johnson as a segue between into his remarks
I offer much gratitude to my “bigger” brother Bert and Pastor Johnson for remembering our mother in a way that was “profound, inspirational, and touched my heart,” from beginning to end. I do not have a recording of their seamless beauty; however, here are Cynthia Erivo and Amber Iman in 2016, honoring Cicely Tyson, with a tribute to women and a performance of the song that is an equal gift.
A Joyful Practice 