The (slightly belated) “practice preview” below is part of my offering for the 2019 Kiss My Asana yogathon. I encourage you to set aside at least 5 minutes a day during April, to practice with today’s theme or concept as inspiration. You can practice in a class or on your own, but since the Kiss My Asana yogathon raises resources as well as awareness, I invite you to join me at a donation-based class on April 27th or May 4th.
I also challenge you to set aside a certain amount every day that you practice with this concept/theme in mind. It doesn’t matter if you set aside one dollar per practice or $25 – set aside that amount each time you practice and donate it by April 30th.
Founded by Matthew Sanford, Mind Body Solutions helps those who have experienced trauma, loss, and disability find new ways to live by integrating both mind and body. They provide classes, workshops, and outreach programs. They also train yoga teachers and offer highly specialized training for health care professionals. By participating in the Kiss My Asana yogathon you join a global movement, but in a personal way. In other words, you practice yoga. Or, as this year’s tag line states….
do yoga. share yoga. help others.
***
“One’s personal duty in life (one’s sva-dharma) should be viewed as one’s highest responsibility to his or her highest Self, the Atma. This ultrahigh level of duty carries with it the requirement that one never does anything that is contrary to this True Self Within. And even if you consider your sva-dharma more narrowly from the standpoint of being true to your profession, you should not hesitate to fight. For a warrior, war against evil, greed, cruelty, hate, and jealousy is the highest duty.”
– Krishna speaking to Arjuna (2.31) in The Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerners by Jack Hawley
Sacred texts from a variety of different cultures, tell us that everyone has a purpose. However, even if you don’t believe the old adage, science has shown that people who live a purpose driven life have better physical and mental health and stronger resilience than their peers. It’s a bit of a cycle: we need our mind-body-spirit to fulfill a purpose and fulfilling the purpose strengthens our mind-body-spirit so that we are better equipped to fulfill the purpose.
Sometimes, however, we do things – or don’t do things – that sap our energy and drag us down. If our mind-bodies are temples, then the things that sap our energy are like thieves in the temple. Thieves can be eating the wrong foods; drinking too much of the wrong beverages and/or not drinking enough water; not resting; not exercising; partaking in illicit drugs; not managing stress; and/or being surrounded by negative opinions. Doesn’t matter what they are though, because at some point we have to throw the thieves out of the temple in order to restore the temple to its original purpose.
“And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,” (Matthew 21:12 KJV)
“And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.” (Matthew 21:13 KJV)
– The Gospel According to Matthew
Passion Monday, or Holy Monday, is associated with the story of Jesus cleansing the temple. According to the New Testament Gospels, Jesus is very clear about his purpose as he enters the last week of his life. He understands that there will be suffering (hence, the passion), trials, tribulation, and betrayal, and joy. He knows he will be tested and tempted (yet another passion/suffering). It is unclear if he knows how quickly the suffering will begin, but suffice it to say, it is immediate.
When he returns to Jerusalem for Passover, Jesus finds that the Temple of Jerusalem had been turned into a defacto market place. All four (4) canonical gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) state that Jesus runs the livestock and the merchants out, and overturns the tables of the money changers and the dove sellers. He then begins to heal the sick and to teach, thus restoring the temple to its original purpose. Children praise him and this, along with everything else, riles up the establishment.
In three (3) of the New Testament Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke) several groups of the establishment question Jesus’ authority and his views on taxes. First he is asked, “By what authority are you doing these things?” To which, Jesus asks his own question regarding the authority of the then wildly popular John the Baptist:
“And Jesus answered and said unto them, I also will ask you one thing, which if ye tell me, I in like wise will tell you by what authority I do these things.” (Matthew 21:24 KJV)
“The baptism of John, whence was it? from heaven, or of men? And they reasoned with themselves, saying, If we shall say, From heaven; he will say unto us, Why did ye not then believe him?” (Matthew 21:25 KJV)
“And they answered Jesus, and said, We cannot tell. And he said unto them, Neither tell I you by what authority I do these things.” (Matthew 21:26 KJV)
Later, in another attempt to trap Jesus, the elders ask him if the Jewish people should pay taxes to the Roman Empire. He asks them to show him a coin suitable for payment and, when they present a coin with a Roman face on the front – specifically, Caesar’s face – Jesus says, “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s”.” (Matthew 22:21)
As Passion Week is associated with a movable feast, Passion Monday doesn’t always fall on April 15th, U. S. Tax Day, but it does in 2019.
April 15th is also Jackie Robinson Day in Major League Baseball. It is the day, in 1947, when Jackie Robinson broke the modern day color line (in Major League Baseball) and started Opening Day playing for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Keep in mind that in the mid-1900’s there was a professional Negro League and prior to that, in the 1880’s, there had been 2, maybe 3, African-Americans playing in Major League Baseball. But times had changed; the country had changed, and baseball had changed. And, in the 1940’s all would change again.
“But if you do not fight this battle of good over evil, you will fail in both your worldly duty and in your duty to your very Self. You will violate your sva-dharma. Not doing the right thing when it is required is worse than doing the wrong thing.”
– Krishna speaking to Arjuna (2.33) in The Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerners by Jack Hawley
Jackie Robinson was an amazing athlete, excelling in track and field, as well as in football. He was an Army veteran and he would go on to be recognized and honored as a baseball player. In addition to winning a World Series with the Dodgers (1955), he was (the 1st ever) Rookie of the Year (1947) and the 1st African-American to be named Most Valuable Player (1949). He was a six-time All-Star, a batting champion, and a stolen base leader. Despite all that he would accomplish, many would argue – and the stats would support the argument – that in 1945, Jackie Robinson was not the best player in the Negro Baseball League.
Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson, and Larry Doby (who would go on to break the color barrier in the ALB) all had better stats than Robinson. Even George Burns (the baseball player, not the comedian) had more steals than Jackie Robinson in the 1940’s. And yet, Branch Rickey, the Dodgers club president, spent 3 hours (in August 1945) talking to Robinson about playing for the Dodgers and about all the racial hostility he might encounter – on and off the field. Ultimately, Robinson asked, “Mr. Rickey, are you looking for a Negro who is afraid to fight back?” To which Rickey replied, “Robinson, I’m looking for a ballplayer with guts enough not to fight back.” Jackie Robinson said he could be that ballplayer.
When I was a kid, I use to watch my maternal great-grandfather watching baseball. I had no interest in the game, but it was interesting to me that he was so invested. That being said, he wasn’t a baseball fan the way his daughter (my grandmother) was a basketball fan. My grandmother was such a huge Houston Rockets fan that “Rockets” became part of her nickname. In 2017, just a few months before my grandmother died, I watched a little bit of the World Series with her and my mom (her daughter). It was the Houston Astros versus the Los Angeles Dodgers and at one point my mother said, “I wonder which team your grandfather and great-grandfather would have been rooting for.” Not thinking about the history of baseball in that moment, I questioned her question – after all, they were Texas men! But then my mother reminded me that the L. A. Dodgers were originally the Brooklyn Dodgers and that there was a time when “every Black man in America was a Dodgers fan.”
Jackie Robinson’s number (42) was retired by the Dodgers in 1972 and by all MLB teams in 1997. For those of you who don’t follow baseball: when a number is retired it means that no other player will wear that number on their jersey. And yet, if you watch a MLB baseball game on April 15th, you will notice that every player, on every team, is wearing Number 42. Everybody is Jackie Robinson.
“Jackie‘s body was a temple of God, an instrument of peace.”
– excerpt from Reverend Jesse Jackson’s eulogy of Jackie Robinson (October 1972)
“His leadership helped win 7 Dodger pennants / He eased the acceptance of baseball’s first Black player into the Major Leagues”
– inscription on the tombstone of Harold Henry “Pee Wee” Reese, Captain of the Brooklyn Dodgers, Navy veteran, Baseball Hall of Famer, proud son of Louisville, Kentucky
Despite his personal opinions about integration, Eddie “The Brat” Stanky was one of the first people to “accept” Jackie Robinson as a teammate. They were both second basemen, but (as Stanky was already fielding at second base) Robinson was assigned to first base during his rookie year and he said that Stanky gave him tips that made the transition easier. But, that was all in private. Publicly, he didn’t have a whole lot to say when Robinson first faced insults during games, but Stanky was the first person to publicly take Robinson’s back when fans and players from other teams hurled insults.
Other Dodgers followed Stanky’s example.
Pee Wee Reese is one of the Dodgers who followed Stanky’s early example, but it is Reese’s support for Jackie Robinson that is most remembered, most memorialized, and most celebrated. At some point, maybe in 1947 – but most likely in 1948 (when Robinson was back on second base) – Pee Wee Reese stood beside Robinson and put his arm across his teammates shoulder while they had a little chat. It was an ordinary, everyday, baseball moment. One baseball fans see all the time – and think nothing of it, other than wondering / guessing what strategy is being discussed. Even though it wasn’t a moment that made a lot of headlines, it is a moment that has become iconic: a moment in history captured in a statue, a picture, a movie, and a day.
“Maybe tomorrow we’ll all wear 42, that way they won’t tell us apart.”
FEATURED POSE for April 15th: Revolving Triangle (Parivrtta Trikonasana)
Keeping in mind that everything has a purpose, spend a little time preparing the body for today’s featured pose. NOTE: Revolving Triangle is not prenatal approved unless it is modified.
You can warm up with Sun Salutations and Triangle Pose (Trikonasana) and/or you could practice lie down on your back and practice Supine Big Toe Pose (Supta Padangustasana), starting with the right side. In Supine Big Toe Pose, make sure the left hip and shoulder stay grounded you lower the right leg over to the right. After you’ve spent a few breaths with the right leg over to the right, bring the leg back to center, switch hands (so that the left hand is on the foot or the strap) and move the right leg over to the left, making sure that the right shoulder is grounded. (This twist is not prenatal approved.)
For Revolving Triangle, separate the feet at least 2 fists width apart. If you have tight hips, you may need to take them a little wider. Keeping the right foot in front, step the left foot as far back as your able to and still maintain stability. With both legs straight (no bend in the knees), check to make sure the right hip is reaching back towards the left heel and that the left hip is reaching for the right big toe. Place your right hand on your hip and, as you inhale, stretch the left hand high into the air. As you exhale, reach the left hand forward and down until you come as close to the outside of your right foot as you’re able to come without straining or losing your balance. Your hand can be on the floor or a block. Squeeze the thighs towards each other and extend your spine as you inhale. As you exhale, rotate your upper body to the right. Right hand can stay on your hip or lift up out of your heart. Every time you inhale, squeeze your legs towards each other and reach the ribs away from the hips. Every time you exhale, twist through your core. After 5 – 7 breaths, lower the lifted arm on an exhale. Inhale to look up and lengthen. Bring your hands to your hips on an exhale and stand up on the inhale. When you are ready, do the second side. Once you’ve completed the second side, move into a standing forward fold.
A prenatal option is to sit with legs stretched wide and keep the upper body upright as you rotate it to the right. You want to keep this as an open twist, so consider sitting up on top of something. After 5 – 7 breaths, switch to the second side. After the second side, fold forward and rest in between the wide legs.
The “practice preview” below is part of my offering for the 2019 Kiss My Asana yogathon. I encourage you to set aside at least 5 minutes a day during April, to practice with today’s theme or concept as inspiration. You can practice in a class or on your own, but since the Kiss My Asana yogathon raises resources as well as awareness, I invite you to join me at a donation-based class on April 27th or May 4th.
I also challenge you to set aside a certain amount every day that you practice with this concept/theme in mind. It doesn’t matter if you set aside one dollar per practice or $25 – set aside that amount each time you practice and donate it by April 30th.
Founded by Matthew Sanford, Mind Body Solutions helps those who have experienced trauma, loss, and disability find new ways to live by integrating both mind and body. They provide classes, workshops, and outreach programs. They also train yoga teachers and offer highly specialized training for health care professionals. By participating in the Kiss My Asana yogathon you join a global movement, but in a personal way. In other words, you practice yoga. Or, as this year’s tag line states….
do yoga. share yoga. help others.
***
“πάντα ρεῖ “ (“panta rhei “ everything flows or everything to the stream)
– excerpt from funeral service in The Book of Common Prayer
Shift happens…all the time. Or, as the Greek philosopher Heraclitus once put it, “Everything changes and nothing remains still…you cannot step twice into the same stream.” Recognizing the temporal nature of everything, including ourselves and our experiences, can be very helpful. However, it seems to be human nature to resist change and, in doing so, deny that change is happening – which, as the Buddha pointed out, creates suffering.
(Thus) have I heard that Prince Siddhartha Guatama of India was born into a family of great wealth and great privilege. As pointed out at the beginning of this series, Siddartha means “one who has accomplished his goal” or “one who has achieved his aim” and – as far as his family was concerned his dharma (or goal) was to one day take over as ruler of his father’s lands. (The title “Buddha,” which means “Awakened One,” would come later in his life.)
Siddhartha knew nothing of pain and nothing of suffering, having been shielded from the existence of sickness and death, until the age of 29. Upon seeing the suffering of others, his life trajectory changed and he renounced the life he knew in order to find a path that would alleviate suffering. At the age of 35, tradition tells us, he articulated The Four Noble Truths:
Suffering exists
Suffering is caused by attachment, clinging, craving
In some traditions of Buddhism, understanding and accepting these four noble truths is the key to waking up and there are a number of practices specifically designed to bring awareness to change happening every time you inhale, every time you exhale. In fact, the very act of sitting and watching the breath can illuminate the Four Noble Truths and the temporal nature of our existence.
The history of Japan and Japanese culture is full of change. Depending on where you look you may find an acute juxtaposition between accepting change, keeping a tradition (without change), and actually celebrating change. For example, most of the Buddhist world celebrates the Buddha’s birthday on May 8th or a day determined by a lunar calendar. Many temples in Japan, however, started celebrating on April 8th every year, when the country switched over to the Gregorian calendar in 1873. During the Flower Festival, which is the birthday celebration, people will pour a sweet tea made from fermented hydrangea leaves over where small statues of the Buddha.
For an example of people celebrating change, look no further than the sakura (cherry blossom) season that is beginning. The Cherry Blossom Festivals that are currently kicking off (or ending, depending on the region) is completely separate from the Flower Festival associated with the Buddha’s birthday.
Sakura usually begin blossoming in the southern part of Japan and, over a matter of weeks, eventually blossom across the whole island. However, by the time the blossoms peak in the North they are already out of season in the South. The delicate flowers literally blow away like dust in the wind. For the heart and mind to hold the beauty of the moment when the flowers peak, with the awareness (and sadness) that the moment is already passing, is known as mono no aware (literally, “the pathos of things”). Mono no aware may be translated as “empathy towards things,” but there’s really no set words in English to express the feeling of wonder (“the ahhness”) inextricably tied to the longing and deep sadness that accompanies loss. This is what is – and yet, without some kind of mindfulness practice it is easy to separate the two sensations or to be so overwhelmed by the twin emotions that we focus on one to the complete exclusion of the other. Focusing on what feels good and appealing, while avoiding what doesn’t feel good results in more suffering. It also creates suffering when our longing for what has passed causes us to miss what is. (Not to mention, it causes us to continuously confront the illusion that we can go back to a moment in time, in the same way we think we can cross the same river twice.)
If you look at the history of sitting in Japan, you will also find lots of change – and sometimes a resistance to change. What is now commonly considered the proper way to sit in Zen Buddhism, as well as in day-to-day life, is seiza (which literally means “proper sitting”). Seiza is kneeling so that the big toes overlap (right over left) and then sitting on the heels. Women are taught to sit with the knees together, while men may be taught to spread the knees a little. In the modern times, this type of sitting is ubiquitous and considered respectful; however, prior to the mid 14th century and up to the late 16th century it was consider proper and respectful to either sit with legs to the side or cross-legged. Cross-legged was, in fact, the preference for many warriors as it was believed that a cross-legged position would not hinder a samurai if they needed to draw their sword.
“The way up and the way down are one and the same. Living and dead, waking and sleeping, young and old, are the same.”
– Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesos (DK22A1)
In the physical practice of yoga, the “proper way to sit” is in way that is stable and comfortable enough for you to focus on your breath. Notice that in Yoga Sutra II.46 (broken down in yesterday’s post) Patanjali uses the words sukham asanam which can be translated as “dwelling in a good space.” The flip side of a good space is dukha “a bad space” – or, more acutely, “a space of suffering.” As you move into this next pose, make sure you are not dwelling in a space of suffering.
FEATURED POSE for April 8th: Auspicious or Gracious Pose (Bhadrasana)
Auspicious Pose or Gracious Pose (Bhadrasana) appears in classical texts like Gheranda Samhita (c. 17th century) as a pose similar to seiza. In more modern texts it is depicted as a Bound Angle Pose (Baddha Konasana). Either variation can be in the beginning, middle, and/or the end of a practice. In fact, if you are doing a variety of poses today, you can return to your Auspicious pose the way your return to Downward Facing Dog, or Equal Standing, and notice was changed or shifted.
For the classical variation, be mindful of the knees and hips as you come to your hands and knees and bring the tips of the big toes to touch. Spread the knees as wide as you are able and then sit back on your heels. If there is a lot of pressure on the knees, sit on a block or blanket. You may also need a blanket or towel under the feet for this variation.
For the second variation, bring your feet together, like a prayer, in front of your hips (rather than behind). This variation is easier on the knees and feet. You may still need to sit up on a blanket or block. Especially if the hips are tight, you slump into the low back, and/or the knees are up higher than the hips. In this variation you can also adjust the feet (bring them closer in or further out) to bring more ease to the knees.
You can sit up tall with the hands resting on the thighs. Another option, which is very nice for the shoulders, is to lift your heart up (into the beginning of a backbend) and cross the hands behind the back so that you can grab the toes, the heels, or (if your feet are in front) the opposite hip. Make sure you are not leaning back, but instead are arching your chest up. Be mindful that you are not straining or compressing the low back.
If you have unregulated blood pressure issues, let your breath flow naturally in and ebb naturally out. If you find you are holding your breath or panting, ease out of the pose. If you are in overall good health, and they are in your practice, you can add your bandhas.
Dwell in this good space (sukha asama) until you have to move out of it (because it has become the “bad space” ( dukkhaasanam). Be mindful that you ease out of the pose with the same awareness you used to get into it. Find some gentle, micro-movements to release the joints.
{NOTE: For the last few years, the first Saturday after January 1st kicks off a series I refer to as “Building a Practice from the Ground Up.” Each year, the physical sequences are different and we look at the yoga philosophy from a different vantage point. This year, we are working with Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras and the physical sequences inspired by Course I in Light on Yoga by B. K. S. Iyengar. YMCA members and their guests are welcome to join us at anytime. Since I am “out of the office” this Saturday (March 23rd), here are the philosophy notes for Week 12.}
“What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!”
– Patrick Henry speaking to the Second Virginia Convention on March 23, 1775
Let’s say, like Patrick Henry and the other delegates of the Second Virginia Convention in 1775, you have a big decision to make. Riffing Henry for a moment, let’s say your choices fall into two categories: alleviating suffering or causing suffering. Now, how do you know how many options you have, let alone which options fall into each category? Clearly, you have to go a little deeper.
As we’ve explored over the previous 11 weeks, Patanjali begins the yoga sutras “right here and now” (ata), at this auspicious moment, with the understanding that something (some form of preparation) has occurred before this moment. He then explains that “yoga ceases the fluctuations of the mind” (YS I.2) and briefly describes what happens to person when the mind is still (YS I.3) versus when the mind is busy (YS.4). In sutras subsequent sutras, he breaks down the fact that a person’s thoughts can cause suffering or alleviate suffering, and that there are five (5) types of thoughts (YS I.5). In sutras I.6 – I.11, Pantajali explains the five (5) types of thoughts. Once he has outlined how the mind works, he moves on to how a person can work the mind.
Many of my first yoga teachers use to tell me, “How you do yoga is how you do life.” In considering Yoga Sutra 1.12, it occurs to me that we don’t do yoga, we practice it – which means that when we are on the mat we are practicing life. We practice life in two ways. First, we practice how we are already showing up in our lives. Then, we consider how we want to show up in our lives, and give ourselves the opportunity to practice accordingly. The yoga mat is like a laboratory or a play ground where we get to safely explore ourselves, or lives, and our possibilities. And, the more we practice how we want to show up, the more we show up.
“Our habits form our personality. They have a powerful influence on our unconscious behavior, as well as on our conscious decisions.”
– commentary on YS I.12 by Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD
When we do something for the first time, a new neural pathway starts forming in our brain. When we repeat the activity or experience, that neural pathway starts to become hardwired. This is the way muscle memory is formed. This is also the way we form habits. And, this is the way our lives are formed.
Each activity, each experience we have, leaves an impression – what, in the yoga philosophy, is referred to as samskara – and we live our lives inside these impressions. Another way of thinking about these impressions is to see them as veils; which means, we see our lives through these veils of impressions. Sometimes, we can’t see because of these veils of impressions. The thing that makes these impressions tricky is that (a) our “experiences” include things we see, hear, think, do, and say; (b) our “experiences” are not always ours (in that they are not always first-hand experiences); and (c) we are often not aware of these impressions or how they affect us.
Let’s back up a minute. Before we “do” (or don’t do) anything, there is at least one thought, and there is also at least one thought during and after we do what we do. Those thoughts, on a certain level, determine what we do (or don’t do), how we do it, and whether or not we succeed. Those thoughts also affect how we feel about what we do (or don’t do), how we do it, and whether or not we succeed. And, those thoughts are just more neural pathways…more impressions. So, as we go about our daily lives we are hard-wiring our lives in a way that alleviates our suffering or causes more suffering.
Think about that for a minute: As we go about our daily lives we are hard-wiring our lives in a way that alleviates our suffering or causes more suffering.
Another way to think about this is that as we go through our lives, we are limiting our possibilities, limiting our lives, and limiting ourselves. Granted, there is only so much one person can do in any given moment. We are, after all, finite beings. But, we come from and are connected to something infinite.
What if, when we narrow down our possibilities, we start with the infinite rather than the finite?
Continuous practice on the mat, leads to continuous practice off the mat. This is abhyāsa. Being open to what is and exploring the moment without desire, aversion, or fear about the outcome is vairāgyā. Swami J depicts them as elements on a balanced scale. He describes abhyāsa as “never give up” and vairāgyā as “always let go.” In sutras I.13 – I.16, Patanjali breaks down these two key principles and describes how they create the opportunity to unpack our conditioning and enable us to explore infinite possibilities.
“If you feel free, you are free. If you feel bond, you are bond. Thinking makes it so.”
Today (Monday) is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and my grandmother’s birthday. Had she lived, she would have turned 90 today. Given a few more months beyond this, she would have seen me reach the half century mark. So, this is me, holding space for beginnings and endings.
As many of you know, my grandmother was one of my constants. Through her example and her work as a nurse (especially for children, veterans, women, shut-ins, and those experiencing end-of-life care), I saw the various stages of life and the importance of being treated with respect and dignity as we all move through those stages. She was the person who always reminded me to be proud of my hair, proud of my body, proud of my spirit, and proud of my life. And, maybe more than anyone, she illustrated how life is an adventure…an opportunity to fly…a dream…and a dance between the physical and the spiritual.
I’m fortunate in that I’ve had a lot of superior role models, but Miss Jean (aka Miss Jean Rockets) was the elder in whom I saw myself. We were kindred spirits. And I wanted to be her when I grew up. I still do.
At her funeral in June, I was charged with following the Neighbor/Nurse remarks with the family remarks. Even now, on her birthday, I can think of so many more rich and endearing memories that I could have shared. However, I stand by these:
“Steady yourself heart; talk to me, God; listen.” Taraji P. Henson started her 2017 SAG Awards speech with those 8 words. “Steady yourself heart; talk to me God; listen.” While her speech goes on record as an awards acceptance speech, it was really a thanks giving, an expression of gratitude for women who were trailblazers and light bringers, a celebration of women who lived lives no one expected them to live. Since today my family charged me with giving thanks and celebrating the life of a trailblazer and a light bringer, I start the same. “Steady yourself heart; talk to me, God; listen.”
Before I was born, she was Miss Jean and she remained Miss Jean after I was born because, as she said, she was too young to be a grandmother: She was 40 then. Even though I didn’t know it at the time, this was one of her first lessons to me – I say me, but really, to all of us: be yourself, define yourself, live for yourself.
That last part, “live for yourself” might seem odd given how much of her life she devoted – and lived – for all of us, and for all of her patients. Long before I knew the words from John 17 (verses 16 and 18), Miss Jean taught me – taught all of us – what it meant to be in the world, but not of the world; to recognize the Spirit in everyone and everything; and to honor mind, body, and spirit through action. She was a living, breathing instrument of God who – as she told me now and again – was stuck together with spit, glue, and chewing gum.
I don’t really remember her chewing gum, but she sure had a lot of gumption. That spirited initiative allowed her to listen to her heart and follow her heart, fiercely – even when it led her to cold places, like Kansas City, and back home again. Clearly, given how far some of us traveled this week, we learned that lesson too.
Miss Jean taught me the power of being still, being quiet, and appreciating your own company. She taught me the power of a smile; the power of getting on your knees at the end of the day and first thing in the morning; and she taught me the power of prayer even when you’re not on your knees. All the way to the end of her life, she taught me the power of the Serenity Prayer: to accept the things you cannot change; to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
She taught me to not only tell stories and listen to stories, but to really hear other people’s stories. She taught, by example, the power of being open to other people’s ideas even while standing in your own truth. She’s the reason we cousins and siblings have the conversations we have.
Robert Frost wrote, “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, / They have to take you in.” But, throughout my life [Pleasantville] has been my home, because that’s where Miss Jean and Paw-Paw WANTED to take us in. It was the place where there were always chocolate chip cookies and a biscuit in the cookie jar; your favorite dessert on the cake tray, sweet tea in the fridge, homemade popsicles in the freezer, baked potatoes and salmon on the grill, Cornish hen in the oven, and the only friends I’ve known my whole life. Standing in her doorway first thing in the morning, stretching and greeting the day and standing in the doorway waving as we drove away, Miss Jean taught me – taught us – to savor life and savor love.
She was passionate about the things and people she loved: music, movies, books, God, her friends, her family, teddy bears, and the Houston Rockets – not necessarily in that order. I could tell you stories she probably wouldn’t appreciate me telling in church, but if she were here to hear me repeat some of our conversations she would just get that sparklingly defiant look and say, “Well, it’s the truth.”
Here’s one more truth: Despite how I started today, I don’t think of my grandmother as a hidden figure. I think of her as a beacon of life and light. I have lived my whole life in Miss Jean’s light. Make sure you heard that right – not in her shadow, IN HER LIGHT! And although her physical body is gone, her light still shines bright. If you have any doubts today, look around you; if you have any doubts tomorrow, look in the mirror: See your life, see your light, and honor it – as she did.
If this were one of my yoga classes, I’d end by saying, “Namaste,” which is a Sanskrit word that literally means, “I bow thou,” and is often translated as “The light in me honors and acknowledges the light that is also in you.” However, today, I’m finishing up one of our last conversations and sending my grandmother off with words from JoyUnspeakable by Barbara Holmes. Holmes wrote,
“For Africans in bondage
in the Americas,
joy unspeakable is that moment of
mystical encounter
when God tiptoes into the hush arbor,
testifies about Divine suffering,
and whispers in our ears,
“Don’t forget,
I taught you how to fly
on a wing and a prayer,
when you’re ready
let’s go!”
“‘Cause when you love someone You open up your heart When you love someone You make room If you love someone And you’re not afraid to lose ’em You probably never loved someone like I do You probably never loved someone like I do”
