Anger and the Importance of Having “Treats” Before You Speak (a post-practice Monday post) February 12, 2024

“Happy (Lunar) New Year!” and/or “Happy Carnival!” to those who are already celebrating! Many blessings to anyone preparing for Lent on Shrove Monday / Lundi Gras. “Nine days and nine nights of blessings and happiness if you are celebrating Gupta (Magha) Navaratri!” Peace and ease for all throughout this “Season for Nonviolence,” and in all other seasons!!!

This is the post–practice post for Monday, February 12^th. It is a compilation post with some new content and some previously posted content. Some links and date-specific information has been updated. You can request an audio recording of either practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.

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“Anger is a mental, psychological phenomenon, yet it is closely linked to biological and biochemical elements. Anger makes you tense your muscles, but when you know how to smile, you begin to relax and your anger will decrease. Smiling allows the energy of mindfulness to be born in you, helping you to embrace your anger.”

— quoted from “Two – Putting Out the Fire of Anger: Tools for Cooling the Flames” in Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh

Born today in 1637, the Dutch biologist and microscopist Jan Swammerdam probably could have told us which muscles engage and which muscles relax when we smile versus when we frown. He studied muscle contractions; is recognized as the first person to observe and describe red blood cells; and also recognized as one of the first people (in Western science) to use a microscope in dissection. Like Charles Darwin, who was born today in 1809, Dr. Swammerdam had some controversial ideas about the origins of things — specifically about the origins of insects.

Even though he considered himself a man of faith, his ideas about insects were not compatible with the religious beliefs of his father and the community around them. For instance, the idea that God would create everything except insects just didn’t make sense to him. So, he combined his knowledge of human anatomy and development with his fascination about insects and studied egg, larva, pupa, and adult insects — and came to a conclusion that really angered people at the time. He concluded that they were all the same animal in different phases of life.

Jan Swammerdam’s ideas may not seem groundbreaking or revolutionary today; but consider that we all have our own ideas about metamorphosis. For example, artistic depictions of people changing because of strong emotions may reflection modern (especially Western) ideas about emotion; but we must remember that each person is still themselves, just in different forms. In other words, the Hulk is still Bruce Banner, She-Hulk is still Jennifer “Jen” Walters, and the Red Panda is still Meilin “Mei” Lee. Furthermore, it is important to remember that anger and frustration, fear, grief, worry, and anxiety are all normal human emotions. In fact, many Eastern philosophies, like Yoga and Taoism, consider everything — including our emotions — as manifestations of energy.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”

— quoted from Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume (b. 02/12/1938)

The aforementioned philosophies (and their corresponding sciences) view energy as being in or out of balance, stagnate or circulating. Since energy that is in balance and flowing appropriately is still the same energy, simply manifesting in a different way, every emotion has a near-peer and an opposite. In fact, we are often encouraged to cultivate the opposite(s) in order to flip or change the energy. For instance, the flip side of anger and frustration is kindness. So, if you are feeling angry or frustrated, doing something loving and kind — for yourself and/or someone else — can change the dynamic inside of you and all around you.

According to Patanjali’s Yoga Sūtras, when someone is “firmly grounded in non-injury (ahimsa), other people who come near will naturally lose any feelings of hostility.” (YS 1.35) That sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Well, full disclosure, I am not there yet. Sometimes my buttons get pushed and despite staying mindful and practicing the four R’s and other mindfulness-based techniques, I think, say, or do something that contributes to someone’s suffering. Sometimes, I am the “someone” and everyone else just goes about their business. But, sometimes my actions contribute to the suffering of someone other than myself. In fact, it happened today (Monday, February 12^th). While I paused, took a breath, and thought before I spoke, I did not consider that today was the third day of the Lunar New Year — a day when some people avoid interacting with others in order to avoid conflict.

“恭禧发财
Gong Xi Fa Cai [Congratulations and Prosperity!]
Gong Hey Fat Choy [Congratulations and Prosperity!]

— A common New Year’s greeting in Hanzi [Chinese characters], Mandarin and Cantonese pīnyīn [“spelled sounds”], and English

According to some Chinese creation mythology the third day of the Lunar New Year is the birthday of all boars. As I mentioned yesterday, some people will spend this third day of the Year of the Dragon visiting the temple of the God of Wealth. Others associate this day with the “marriage of mice” and — in addition to providing treats as a “dowry” for the mice — they will go to bed early to ensure the mice have a peaceful ceremony. This tradition is based on the idea that if the mice have a peaceful ceremony, they will not pester humans during the rest of the year. In Vietnam, this third day is a day to honor teachers.

Another reason people may go to bed early on the third night of the Lunar New Year is that, in certain parts of China, this third day is the “Day of the Red Dog” or “Red Mouth” Day and there is a greater danger of conflict on this day. Since a Chinese word for “red dog” is also a description for the “God of Blazing Wrath,” some people may also stay home and avoid anyone outside of their primary family circle in order not to say the wrong thing in anger.  Some people also associate the tendency to say the wrong thing on the third day with the demon (or monster) Nian.

The Hanzi (Chinese character) for Nian also means “year” or “new year.” According to the legends, the monster Nian would come out of the sea or the mountain once a year looking for crops, animals, or villagers to eat. All the villagers would hide at this time of year, but one time an elderly gentleman was outside during the time Nian came to visit the village. One version of the story indicates that the man was a Taoist monk (Hongjun Lozu) who, like Br’er Rabbit, was a bit of a trickster. He somehow convinced the monster that the mand would taste better if he could take off his outer clothing. In the version I often tell in class, there is a big chase and the monster rips the man’s outerwear with his sharp teeth and claws. Either way, when the gentleman’s bright red undergarments are revealed Nian freaks out, because he is afraid of the color red (and of loud noises). Therefore, it became auspicious to start the New Year (or even a marriage) wearing red; placing red throughout the village or town; and making a lot of noise.

If I had thought about it being the “Red Mouth” Day at the beginning of my day, I might have saved myself (and others) a little suffering, by spending my time giving myself a little treat. Most people have go-to foods and/or beverages that could be considered their comfort food. However, sometimes the best “treat” is found on the mat or on the cushion. Just taking some time to sit and breathe can be loving and kind. For that matter, sometimes the “treat” can be found in the pews.

“Anger is like a howling baby, suffering and crying. The baby needs his mother to embrace him. You are the mother for your baby, your anger. The moment you begin to practice breathing mindfully in and out, you have the energy of a mother, to cradle and embrace the baby. Just embracing your anger, just breathing in and breathing out, that is good enough. The baby will feel relief right away.”

— quoted from “Two – Putting Out the Fire of Anger: Embracing Anger with the Sunshine of Mindfulness” in Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh

In the Western Christian tradition, the Monday before Lent may be known as Shrove Monday by people already focusing on “shriving.”  Shrovetide, which includes the three weeks before Lent, is a period of self-examination, repentance, and amendments of sins. Similarly, in Eastern Orthodox traditions which use a different calendar, the Monday before Lent is sometimes referred to as Clean Monday.

On the flipside, some people will spend this same period of time — anything from three weeks to two or three days — focusing on indulging in the things they are planning to give up during Lent. For instance, the Monday before Lent is also the last Monday of Carnival. In places like New Orleans and other parts of the Gulf Coast, it is also known as Lundi Gras (“Fat Monday”). Rose Monday, Merry Monday, and Hall Monday are also names associated with pre-Lenten festivities around the world. In parts of the United Kingdom, people may refer to this day as Collap Monday, because their traditional breakfast will include collaps (leftover slabs of meat, like bacon) and eggs. In east Cornwall, however, people traditionally eat pea soup and, therefore, call today Peasen (or Paisen) Monday.

Even though people prepare for and observe the Lenten season in different ways, it is all about getting ready for a change.

“Because some changes happen deep down inside of you. And the truth is, only you know about them. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

— quoted from Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume

In addition to being the third day of the Lunar New Year and Lundi Gras, today was also the third day/night of Navaratri, the “nine nights” dedicated to celebrating divine feminine energy in various manifestations. The third manifestation of Durga, the divine mother, is Chandraghanta, whose name “one who has a half-moon shaped like a bell” comes from the image of the newly-wed Parvati. She is depicted as a combination of beauty, grace, and courage, with her third eye open — so that she is always ready to fight evil and demons. In fact, she is sometimes known as the “Goddess Who Fights Demons.”

If one considers “demons” to be a metaphor, then it makes sense that some people have depicted Abraham Lincoln (born today in 1890) as someone who fought demons. He and Charles Darwin were both born on the anniversary of the day President George Washington signed the Fugitive Slave Act of 1793. In addition to sharing a birthday, they also both pushed a lot of people’s buttons. Darwin’s work led to debates, parlor arguments, and trials. Lincoln’s work led to the end of things like the Fugitive Slave Act and, unfortunately, to his assassination. All of this is to say that while we can get upset about things that are not important, people can also get angry or frustrated over things that make a real difference in world.

Consider that Judy Blume (who was born today in 1938) has written books that often get banned and that have also changed people’s lives — in the best possible way. She writes about topics people often find hard for to discuss, including: racism, gender, menstruation, divorce, bullying, masturbation, sex and sexuality, and emotions like anger, fear, and grief. To some people, the worst part is not only that she has tackled these issues in her books; it’s that most of her books are intended for children and young adults. And, let’s be honest, nothing pushes people’s buttons like someone talking about things they are uncomfortable discussing. While we can say that there are some things better left unsaid, there are also things that need to be said — just in a skillful manner and…  while treating ourselves and others with lovingkindness.

“My only advice is to stay aware, listen carefully, and yell for help if you need it.”

— Judy Blume, as quoted in “Starring Judy Blume as Herself” in Who is Judy Blume by Kristen Anderson, Who HQ, Ted Hammond (illustrator) 

There is no playlist for the Common Ground Meditation Center practices.

SIDEBAR: Last year, when I posted the first half of the special Black History notes, I actually posted following two (2) posts related to February 12^th:

1. Click here for a post you might find uplifting (because it’s about people who fly).

2. Click here for the second post; but, fair warning, this one might make you angry.

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