A Joyful Practice

FTWMI: A Quick Note & Excerpts About Practicing the R’s July 14, 2025

Many blessings to everyone and especially to anyone practicing peace, freedom, and wisdom (inside and outside).

For Those Who Missed It: The following was originally posted today in 2024. The 2025 prompt question was, “Who (or what) pushes your buttons, gets your goat, and gets you fired up like nobody’s business??” 

You can request an audio recording of this practice or a previous practice via a comment below or (for a slightly faster reply) you can email myra   (at) ajoyfulpractice.com.

In the spirit of generosity (“dana”), the Zoom classes, recordings, and blog posts are freely given and freely received. If you are able to support these teachings, please do so as your heart moves you. (NOTE: You can donate even if you are “attending” a practice that is not designated as a “Common Ground Meditation Center” practice, or you can purchase class(es).

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Check out the “Class Schedules” calendar for upcoming classes.

“Somebody says a mean word to you and then something in you tightens — that’s the shenpa. Then it starts to spiral into low self-esteem, or blaming them, or anger at them, denigrating yourself. And maybe if you have strong addictions, you just go right for your addiction to cover over the bad feeling that arose when that person said that mean word to you. This is a mean word that gets you, hooks you. Another mean word may not affect you but we’re talking about where it touches that sore place — that’s a shenpa. Someone criticizes you — they criticize your work, they criticize your appearance, they criticize your child — and, shenpa: almost co-arising.”

— Pema Chödrön

For the record, I am not going to say, practice, teach (or preach) anything I haven’t been teaching, practicing, and saying (or preaching) for years. Maybe I will tweak the phrasing. Maybe you will hear/see/understand things in a special way — thereby gaining new insight. Either way, regardless of all that is happening in the world, it still comes back to this: Sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse.

Yes, sometimes we can do things that make our life and the lives around us better. Sometimes we can write legislation, vote for legislation, and/or vote for people who write and/or vote for legislation that creates more opportunity for peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. Sometimes we can create organizations or work, volunteer, and/or donate to organizations that cultivate peace, freedom, prosperity, and wisdom. There are, however, times when we are too poor — in spirit, heart/courage, skills, and/or material resources — to do anything other than send “thoughts and prayers.”

All that being, I am of the mindset that we can not know what we are able to do and/or what is the best way to respond — rather than react — until we sit down, get still, get quiet, and get honest about our intentions. Once we are grounded and centered, then we can act accordingly. In other words, practice the four R’s:

1. RECOGNIZE (that your buttons have gotten pushed and you have the urge/impulse to react).

2. REFRAIN (from doing anything, especially that knee jerk reaction).

3. RELAX (maybe breathe peace in and breath peace out, or do use a centering prayer).

4. RESOLVE (to move forward with mindfulness and intention).

This is the practice taught by the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, who was born today in 1936. I often add another R (or two):

5. REMEMBER (your intention and why you are doing the thing you are doing).

6. RECOGNIZE (again, that sometimes the only thing you can do is not make it worse).

You may be thinking, I don’t have time for all that “navel gazing” and introspection. And, yes, there are definitely times that require a quick response. At the same time, if you make this practice a habit, it only takes a split second to engage when you really need it.

CLICK ON THE EXCERPT TITLES BELOW FOR MORE!

Compassion and Peace for Pema

Curious About… You (the “missing” Wednesday post)

“By trying this, we learn exactly where we are open and where we are closed. We learn quickly where we would do well to just practice abiding compassionately with our own confused feelings, before we try to work with other people, because right now our efforts would probably make a bigger mess. I know many people who want to be teachers, or feed the homeless, or start clinics, or try in some way to truly help others. Despite their generous intentions, they don’t always realize that if they plan to work closely with people they may be in for a lot of difficulty—a lot of feeling hooked. The people they hope to help will not always see them as saviors. In fact, they will probably criticize them and give them a hard time. Teachers and helpers of all kinds will be of limited use if they are doing their work to build up their own egos.”

— quoted from “Unlimited Friendliness: Three steps to genuine compassion” (Winter 2009 issue of Tricycle) by Pema Chödrön

There is no playlist for the Common Ground Meditation Center practices. 

The playlist used in previous years is available on YouTube and Spotify. [Look for “07142020 Compassion & Peace for Pema”]

“Prince Guatama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”

— quoted from Matt Caron and from Elephant Journal

If you are thinking about suicide, worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, you can dial 988 (in the US) or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call this TALK line if you are struggling with addiction or involved in an abusive relationship. The Lifeline network is free, confidential, and available to all 24/7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

White Flag is an app, which I have not yet researched, but which may be helpful if you need peer-to-peer (non-professional) support.

If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgement-free place to talk, you can also click here to contact the TrevorLifeline (which is staffed 24/7 with trained counselors).

### OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTIHI OM ###